ASK LISA – How Can I Lose Weight and Keep It Off Once and For All?

Ask Lisa is an advice post for people who write in to me, asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although this is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you face.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in.  I’d be glad to tackle it together!

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Dear Lisa,

I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  After my mom and dad divorced at 8yrs old, my mom and I fell into a pattern of eating to numb the pain.  Every night while watching tv, we would pop popcorn, or eat ice-cream right out of the tub. Most of our best times seemed to revolve around making brownies or stopping by our favorite hamburger joint.

When I was little I had a good metabolism, so I wasn’t too heavy.  But when I entered high school, others began to make comments suggesting I was fat and needed to lose weight.  Even the school counselor sent a note home to my mom encouraging me to go on a diet to get my weight under control.

I feel like I’ve been on a diet ever since.  Mom and me would diet for a while, but when there were bills to pay, or she had broken up with a boyfriend, we just went right back to food. Food became my comfort. We would have mac & cheese on a bad day, burgers and fries on a good day, and ice cream as a treat every day. 

When I was 14 yrs old, I was molested by an uncle. I felt helpless. Dirty.  Unworthy and unsafe.  I ate to numb the pain.  I never told anyone and I’ve never been able to trust anyone since.  I want to date, to be married, to have a normal life, but I wouldn’t know how.

It seemed my life has always revolved around food.  I want to lose weight.  I can even start off the day making pretty good choices.  But by the time night falls, what starts off as a little indulgence leads to continual snacking. 

Two years ago I committed to a specific diet/exercise program.  I lost weight.  I felt great. I told myself I would never go back. But I did.  I always do.  

Can you help me? I am desperate to know how I can lose weight and keep it off once and for all.

Sincerely,

Dieting in Dallas

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Dear Dieting,

Thank you for sharing your struggle here. I know how difficult our relationship with food can be and how discouraging the battle to lose and maintain our weight can become. I want you to know you are not alone in your struggle.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 33 percent of U.S. adults are overweight and an additional 36 percent are obese. Approximately one in six children in the U.S. is obese. 

Though the causes of obesity are complex, obesity is not a function of laziness or an indication of emotional instability. Genetic and biological factors do not act in isolation, but are constantly interacting with an array of environmental and emotional factors. 

When it comes to losing weight, most people follow the usual protocol, focusing on eating less and exercising more. But a major aspect of weight control involves understanding and managing feelings, thoughts and behaviors that can interfere with weight loss.

That's not surprising, said Diane Robinson, PhD, a neuropsychologist and Program Director of Integrative Medicine at Orlando Health. Most people focus almost entirely on the physical aspects of weight loss, like diet and exercise. But there is an emotional component to food that the vast majority of people simply overlook and it can quickly sabotage their efforts. In order to lose weight and keep it off long term, we need to do more than just think about what we eat, we also need to understand why we're eating.

From a very young age we're emotionally attached to food. Whether we are aware of it or not, many of us are conditioned to use food not only for nourishment, but for comfort. 

According to Dr. Howard Rankin, an expert on behavioral change, 

We are emotional beings with the ability to rationalize -- not rational beings with emotions. If we are stressed, depressed or addicted, no matter how good the advice we are given, chances are that we will not be able to act on it. The more primitive, emotional brain generally has precedence over the newer, more rational brain. 

This was the challenge for Shekyra DeCree, of Columbus, Ohio. As a mental health therapist, my job can be very stressful, and everyday when I got home from work, the first thing I would do is go to the refrigerator,she said. That was my way to calm down and relax. Her conclusion— you have to change the way you deal with your emotions, your stress, and anxiety.  Understanding this is the key to not only taking the weight off, but keeping it off long-term. CLICK TO TWEET

Here are six tips I recommend to help you deal with weight loss differently and keep it off once and for all:

1.)  Heal the wounds of your past.

As I hear you describe, you have many wounds that have accumulated over your life that have never been healed. God desires for you to experience healing, freedom, wholeness —from every wound, every betrayal, every rejection that leaves you to use food to comfort, numb, and protect your fractured heart.CLICK TO TWEET

I could never ask you to step away from your defense mechanisms when today, they are all you have to protect you. In order to successfully change your relationship with food, you must first begin to heal so that you no longer need it to keep you safe.  Then you can open your heart and mind to a new way of being. Without living out of the wounds of your past, you will be able to create a new identity, new relationships, and a future with unlimited possibilities.

Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.  Isaiah 53:4-5(NIV)

Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth. Jeremiah 33:6(NIV) CLICK TO TWEET

2.)  Cultivate healthy coping skills. 

We must understand what we feel and why we are feeling it, if we are to resist the emotional pull to eat.  If we have never connected with our emotions, begin journaling every day, do a feelings check.  Ask yourself why you are feeling what you are feeling.  Explore the best options for dealing with those feelings —do you need to talk with a friend, draw a boundary, comfort yourself emotionally, or strategize a new path forward? 

·     Keep a daily diary logging your food and your mood, and look for unhealthy patterns. 

·     Identify foods that make you feel good and write down why you eat them. Do they evoke a memory or are you craving those foods out of stress?

·     Before you have any snack or meal ask yourself: Am I eating this because I'm hungry? If the answer is no, look for the root of your motive.

As we learn to develop a healthier relationship with our emotions we will be better able to nurture our bodies with the fuel it needs without using food to manage, numb, or distract us from our emotions. Nor will we need food for physical or emotional protection.  

3.) Develop your ‘no’ muscle.

Self-control is a muscle that, like other muscles, needs exercise to be strengthened. Change doesn't happen because you want it to happen. Each time you exercise your ‘no’ muscle, you are developing greater self-control. Success breeds success. Facing down temptations builds strength for future decision moments.  Empowers determination.  Grows grit where we need it most.

ASK LISA – How Can I Lose Weight and Keep It Off Once and For All?

We can do hard things.  We can.  Find at least one time per day (if not more) that you actively tell yourself no.  It doesn’t have to be just about food, this applies to many aspects of our lives where we have difficulty with disciplining our bodies, our hearts, and our minds. CLICK TO TWEET

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline..2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

4.) Avoid sugary, carb-heavy foods.

Start reading labels.  Things you would never believe to be heavy in sugar or carbs can be incredibly packed with them.  Get a food-tracker app like Chronometer, where you can log everything you eat daily. This can be eye-opening because most of us minimize what we are eating as well as its calorie, sugar, or carb content. 

Apps don’t lie.  They will help educate and equip you with information so that you become increasingly aware of what you are feeding your body.  Once you become aware, you can make the changes necessary to feed your body appropriately without overindulging.

5.) Learn from your past mistakes, don’t shame them.

We all make mistakes. Instead of shaming yourself when you fall down or make a bad decision regarding food, seek to gain self-knowledge so you won't repeat the error. Ask yourself why you made the decision you did. Journal both the emotions and the thoughts surrounding that decision. What could you do differently next time? How do you want to move forward?

No one is perfect. Be sure to acknowledge what you are doing right, not just what isn't working.

6.) Surround yourself with people who will support your effort. 

Getting fit and losing weight absolutely require others. Although you alone can make the changes you need to make, they are hard to sustain alone. In every area of our lives, we are much more influenced by other people than we may think. One of the most potent forces for positive change is the emotional support of the individuals who surround you.

Don’t be afraid to ask for the support you need. Don't assume that others know what would be most helpful to you. Similarly, avoid those people who may try to sabotage you on your journey. Surround yourself with people who can encourage you, who can walk with you.

You can do this.  You have already overcome so much in your life.  You can heal, you can learn.  You can grow.  By choosing health in every moment, in every decision, you can learn to manage your emotions and make choices that nurture you body, mind, and spirit.  CLICK TO TWEET

You will find balance.  Equilibrium.  Your physical body will heal.  Your heart will heal.  You will become whole.  And there is nothing like it!

I will be praying for you and cheering you on every step of the way. Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.

Many blessings,

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. 

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

ASK LISA - How Do I Know If I Am Codependent?

I hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend! I will be taking a break for the month of June in order to rest and recharge. I will be excited to spend time with my husband, do a little traveling, and quiet myself to hear what God is speaking! I will be back with you guys the first week of July. Praying blessing and abundance over each of you!

Ask Lisa is an advice post for people who write in to me, asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although this is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you face.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in.  I’d be glad to tackle it together!

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Dear Lisa,

I’ve just come through a divorce.  I married my high school sweetheart thirty-five years ago after he swept me off of my feet.  I thought he was going to be the perfect escape from my family’s dysfunction and my dad’s drinking.  I was determined to change everything —to be the perfect wife, mom, PTA member, and women’s ministry volunteer.  In my naïve thinking I believed that I could somehow heal everything that was broken in my childhood and right every wrong.  My life, my marriage, my family would be different.

It was —for a while. But little by little my husband worked more, came home later, drank harder, exploded louder.  My job was to make him okay.  I was the one who knew how to handle him, or so I thought.  So I made sure the house was cleaned, His favorite meals were cooked, the kids were well-behaved so that things would go smoothly. 

As his drinking increased, he became violent.  He always apologized later, tearfully promising that things would change, that he would change.  He would be sober for a while, but slowly things would go right back to the way they were before, just a little bit worse.  I had to lie —lie to his boss, lie to the kids, lie to myself, perhaps — to get by.

All the while, I couldn’t focus all of my energies on saving my husband and my marriage, and be a good parent to the kids.  I tried. Lord knows I tried.  I was always exhausted but I just couldn’t fight more than one battle at a time.  So I gave in. I needed the kids help, their affection, their support, and their love.  I needed someone to love me.  I gave them pretty much everything they wanted or needed.  I never wanted them to do without like I did as a child.  

Now that they’re adults, I can’ t keep up.  Since my divorce I can barely make ends meet, but I work two jobs, help raise my grandchildren, pay for my daughter’s car payment, insurance, clothes, and food in addition to my own bills.  I just can’t keep doing this, but I can never say no.

My neighbor invited me to a Celebrate Recovery meeting last week and in looking through some of their materials, I think I might be a codependent.  Lisa, what exactly is codependency and is there any way to be healed from it?

Sincerely,

Tearful in Texas

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Dear Tearful,

Codependence is such a challenging issue.  First identified by those in the health community as they worked with wives of alcoholic men, they noticed that the entire family of the addict displayed addictive tendencies.  What they saw were couples whose relationship became responsible for maintaining the addictive behavior in at least one person in the relationship.

According to Mental Health America,Codependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. Codependent people need external sources, things, or other people to give them feelings of self-worth. 

Often, as a result of destructive parental relationships, or past abusive relationships, codependents find themselves reacting to the people in their lives, constantly worrying about them or caring for them because in truth, they depend on their loved ones to make them feel useful or alive. They put other people’s needs, wants and experiences above their own.  Their relationship with themselves is so painful they no longer trust their own experiences, living trapped in a continual cycle of shame, blame and self-abuse. 

Codependency’s Beginnings

At birth, we are utterly dependent on our caregivers for food, safety, and comfort. Because as infants, our attachment and bonding to our caregiver is critical for our physical and emotional survival, we become reactive to the needs and weaknesses we often see from them.

If we have an unreliable or unavailable parent, we often take on the role of caretaker and/or enabler in childhood, to ensure our safety and to make sure our most basic needs are met. Unfortunately this starts a lifelong destructive thought-pattern that says, If mom or dad is okay, then I can be okay.

Intimate feelings are those that are most deeply personal.  From infancy, those feelings guided us as we attempted to get our needs me.  If our caregivers couldn’t respond to our needs, we concluded that our needs and the feelings driving those needs were a mistake. Finally, we concluded that we must be a mistake. _ Peeling The Onion: Characteristics of Codependents Revisited

Because dysfunctional families rarely acknowledge that problems exist, as children we often repress our own emotions and disregard our own needs to focus on the needs of the unavailable parent. Once we become adults, we can recreate the same dynamic in our adult relationships.

Codependents In Relationships

Codependents may never confront partners because in becoming the caretaker, we often assume it’s our responsibility to clean up after and apologize for our loved one’s behavior. We might even help them continue to use alcohol or drugs by giving them money, food, even drugs and alcohol. We come to believe we are so unlovable and so unworthy that this dysfunctional, destructive relationship is the best we could hope for.

Innately we live out of a false belief that tells us we cannot survive without our partners; therefore we will often do anything to stay in our relationships, no matter however painful. This is what drives us.  We fall in love with an ideal of what love will do for us, how the other person will complete us, fill us, even fix us.  Using sex as a means of false intimacy, relationships temporarily fill the void inside that God Himself was meant to fill.

The fear of losing our primary relationship and thus being alone overpowers any other feeling a codependent might have. The mere thought of trying to address any of our partner’s dysfunctional behaviors can leave us feeling so unsafe we will excuse their behavior, we will deny it above all else, because in doing so we can avoid the rejection we fear most of all.

We say to ourselves:

• I’m the reliable one.

• They need me.  They can’t live without me.

• If I say ‘no’ they might reject me.

• Who is going to help them if I don’t?

• This is just my lot in life —to take care of everyone.

We lose perspective.  Our vision becomes blurred and the line that distinguishes where we end and another begins disappears.  Codependents have never developed a strong sense of self —who we are, what we think, feel, believe, want, or need.  We’ve never learned how to speak our wants and needs directly in our relationships and learn instead to abandon ourselves to what other people want. We learn to unconsciously manipulate people and situations to get our needs met.

Healing Codependecy           

We can adopt roles that support our own codependent needs —the martyr, the savior, the advisor, the people-pleaser, and the yes-men. This never heals the codependency and only fuels the destructive cycle in our relationships. Fortunately, as we become more aware of our defense mechanisms, our lack of boundaries, as well as the underlying needs that fuel our codependent behaviors, we can learn to develop new ways of being with ourselves. We can learn how to care for ourselves. Draw boundaries for ourselves. Perhaps even love ourselves.

We can notice and prioritize our own emotional needs in order to better care for ourselves. We can focus our energies not on solving our loved ones problems, but on being present with ourselves and empowering our own solutions for our own lives. We can draw better boundaries to avoid rushing in to care for and provide for others, choosing instead to take a step back and become less invested, less involved.  We can learn to say no, even in the face of potential ridicule or rejection.  We can learn the blessing of the internal yes, our internal yes —and to speak our yes’ and our no’s to others.

We can heal from our childhood wounds, learn to feel our own emotions, name them, speak them, own responsibility for them.  We can learn to get validation from God and ourselves.  We can resist the pull of the fantasy and learn to embrace the possibility of a healthy, stable reality.

We can learn to believe:

• I don’t have to enable poor choices in others in order to feel reliable. I am discovering who I am, and I no longer need to be something for someone else in order to feel good about myself.  

• They don’t need me, they need God.

• If I say ‘no,’ they might reject me. That will hurt, but I will be okay. God will never reject me. With Him, I am safe, I am loved.  I am enough.

 • I cannot be other’s savior.  Only God can rescue them, heal them, grow them, and save them. 

• My lot in life is not this —God has designed so much more for me.  I can accept His love and learn to love myself.  I can heal, grow, and become healthy in my relationships.

Friend, God is not done with you.  He has so much of Himself He wants to teach you, heal in you. Your journey is just beginning.  Don’t give up.  The healing path is never a straight path, but the rewards are better than anything you could imagine.  Safety, rest, hope, joy, abundance, wholeness, peace— that is His promise for you and your future. Keep taking steps on your journey. Keep believing. Keep trusting.

I will be praying for you!

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. 

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I’ve created several extensive tools to help you learn more and begin your journey towards healing!

LISA’S MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCE KIT

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

ASK LISA - How Do I Navigate Sex and Dating?

Ask Lisa is an advice post for people who write in to me, asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although this is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you face.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in.  I’d be glad to tackle it together!

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Dear Lisa,

I need your advice.  I am a thirty two year old woman who loves Jesus and who has dreamed of being married her whole life.  I feel stuck and hopeless that I will ever find someone to share my life with.  I don’t date often because I find the online dating scene to be shallow and painful. Just when I begin to talk with someone I enjoy, they ghost me to move on to someone better.  Sometimes they text later when they are bored or have gotten out of another relationship, and act as if nothing ever happened.  The hurt that accumulates becomes overwhelming.  

The men who do ask me out are usually individuals I’ve met through church or close friends.  From the start, it seems like after a few minutes of conversation, the sexual innuendo begins, growing more intense as the evening passes.  What bothers me most is that I was taught from a young age in church to value purity. I was encouraged that my purity would be a great gift to my husband, something he would treasure.  What I have found is quite the contrary.  

When I tell my dates that I am uncomfortable with suggestive conversation on the first date, and that my purity is something I value, they look at me in disbelief.  That’s when the sexual pressure and questioning intensifies, right before they lose interest.  I am insecure in the area of sex because it is something I have never experienced.  I don’t want to be seen as a prude, yet I want men to know clearly where my boundaries are and respect them. I am trying to date quality Christian men, but I feel hopeless in this day and age that I will find anyone who a) doesn’t pressure me for sex, and b) who respects my commitment to purity.  

Is there any hope for me? Does God have someone out there who won’t mock and/or reject me for being a virgin?  Will I ever find my husband if I don’t have sex with them while dating?

Sincerely,

Pressured in Prattville

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 Dear Pressured,

I feel truly sad for your experiences with dating.  I applaud your decision for purity and truly believe that God will ultimately bless your faithfulness to Him.  It does not make your situation any easier, however.  The truth is, we live in a highly sexualized culture where there are few, if any, mores that restrict any sexual desires, even in the church.  Many preachers rarely preach about sexual purity from the pulpit in fear of offending someone.  It has become highly commonplace within the single population of churches to have sex outside of marriage, and the desire for purity seems rare at best. 

This breaks my heart. This is not God’s desire for the church, nor is it His desire for His children.  I share your concern about online dating, which I will share more specifically about in another post; but to be clear, Christians should engage in online dating in a manner that glorifies God, and the dynamics that have become commonplace in the age of technology, do anything but glorify God. Ghosting and baiting devalues God’s children and should be unacceptable to any Believer who is mature in their faith. 

For those who don’t know the terminology, ghosting generally occurs when two people are regularly communicating via phone, text, or Facetime, and one suddenly disappears without warning and without explanation.  Baiting refers to the pattern of reaching back after communication has been cut-off when one is bored or lonely.  

The cycle of ghosting and baiting is disrespectful and unhealthy for everyone involved.  

Human beings are not objects to be used to fill a void of boredom and/or loneliness. CLICK TO TWEET  If you are dating someone online and recognize that you don’t wish to continue the relationship, you should respectfully let the other person know. Furthermore, once you have ended communication, you should never reach out unless you are sincerely reconsidering the relationship and are committed to pursuing the relationship solely and intentionally.  

As to the issue of sexuality in relationship, it saddens me that there is so little respect for purity in the dating world.  Though dating has changed tremendously throughout the years, God has never changed and His Word is as faithful and true today as it has ever been.  

Don’t feel as if you have to compromise your values and beliefs in order to find love.  The person God has created for you would NEVER pressure you to have sex before marriage, nor would they ever make you feel uncomfortable about your decision to honor your faith. CLICK TO TWEET  I know it is hard to believe, but there is someone out there. I don’t know where or when or how God will bring love into your life, but He will.  Trust Him.  

Until then, I don’t believe you have to share your personal boundaries regarding sex with every person you date, especially on a first date. Your boundaries are yours, and you should share them only when you feel led to share them, only to those with whom you feel safe sharing them.  Never allow anyone to pressure you into sharing anything you don’t feel comfortable sharing.  CLICK TO TWEET

No one needs to know your sexual habits or history on the first date —period.  No one. It is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to be pushed into sharing information with a complete stranger.  As you build relationship with someone, you can determine how much information you provide and when —usually as the relationship matures and becomes more serious and in-depth conversations arise naturally.  Respectfully.

We as Believers are called to be ‘set-apart,’ ‘in the world, but not of the world.’  We are to be the light shining in the darkness.We as the Body of Christ have lost our way.  Yet do not lose heart.  Continue to feel proud of who you are, of who Christ has called you to be.  Do not apologize for your purity.  Don’t. You are a daughter of the King. Remember that.  He is faithful and what He started, He will complete.  CLICK TO TWEET

In the meantime, live life to the fullest.  Don’t wait to find love in order to start your life.  Live out your passions and purpose today.  Right now.  Invest yourself in loving and serving others, wherever that may be.  Find joy in every moment.  

I will be prayerful that God will cover you with His peace and protection as you pursue relationship.

Blessings,

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. 

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

ASK LISA - How Do I Stop The Cycle of Anger?

Ask Lisa is an advice post for people who write in to me, asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although this is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you face.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in.  I’d be glad to tackle it together!

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Dear Lisa,

I know you write about emotions, but I have to be honest that it is something I still struggle with. My mother never showed any emotion —except anger— and no matter how hard I try, I find myself lashing out in anger with my children.  I always promised myself that I would never be like her, yet I am helpless to stop.  

My childhood was filled with abuse, addiction, and neglect.  I can’t think of anything happy or warm about it.  The more chaos I saw as I child, the more I shut down.  I hid behind a veneer of nothingness.  I never let myself feel anything.  That’s how I survived.  Though inside I could sense that things around me weren’t normal, it was the only life I knew.  In my teens, I went to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain inside.  To allow myself to feel would have been too overwhelming for me.

Having been in recovery for three years, I am learning for the first time how to feel.  It is the single hardest thing I have ever done. Sometimes it seems easier to go back, to once again run from and mask the feelings of pain.  But I can’t.  I am committed to myself —the child in me who was wounded so long ago.  I am committed to her healing, learning to love her so that I can learn to love my children and parent them well.  My question is this—how do I stop the cycle of anger? Why am I unable to respond in a healthy way to my children?  I want freedom.

Sincerely,

Angry in Arkansas

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Dear Angry,

Thank you so much for your authenticity in sharing the realities not only of your childhood, but your recovery and anger issues.  It takes so much courage to be able to let down our defenses and acknowledge the truth of our situation. First of all, let me say that my heart breaks to hear of your childhood.  No child should ever experience the pain that you felt when you were so young.  Part of your healing journey is to grieve for that little girl, to let her know she is seen, to mourn with her for what she endured for so long.  I encourage you, as part of your recovery, if you haven’t done so, find a grief recovery group or therapist to walk with you during that process.  I imagine part of your anger is associated with grief, as anger is one of the five stages of grief (shock, depression, anger, bargaining, and acceptance), and is needful for you to experience in a healthy way.

As I hear you recount how you survived childhood by shutting down, I would ascertain that you never learned to feel or deal with your emotions and learned instead to stuff them and/or numb them.  Dear friend, you will never find full healing until you can a) give yourself permission to feel and, b) learn how to calm yourself IN your emotions so that you can talk yourself through them more productively.  As children, we learn our primary responses to emotions through watching and mimicking our parents (or primary caregivers).  You are simply repeating how you saw your mother deal with her emotions.  

You can choose to cultivate a different relationship with your emotions.  You can step beyond and discover ALL of your emotions —how to feel them, name them, calm them, and talk yourself through them. CLICK TO TWEET  I do encourage as well that you find a good therapist who can guide you along the way, so that you can experience the internal calm and confidence that comes from knowing how to regulate our emotions effectively.

For many, anger puts us into “fight-or-flight” mode where we become reactive vs. responsive to a situation. In those moments, allow yourself to walk away. Do not parent in anger. Calm down, think through how you want to respond to your child, what appropriate consequences need to be enacted. Breathe. Outside the moments of anger make the commitment to no hitting, no swearing, no name-calling, no screaming. If you need to scream, go to your room and scream into a pillow.

Lastly, I do encourage you that you are probably doing better than you think. You have been committed to recovery and that is such a courageous step to take for yourself and your family. All parents fail, we all lose it with our kids.  We do.  Don’t shame yourself.  The enemy would love nothing more than to see you spiral in your shame back into addiction. Remember that you are on your journey. Shame steals while compassion heals. CLICK TO TWEET

God loves you.  He has a plan for your life.  He is healing, and teaching, and growing you to become the woman He designed from the beginning.  Hold onto that.  Don’t let go. You are the Beloved.  You are His child.  You are becoming.  I believe you will learn how to manage your anger, I believe you will learn more and more who you are in Christ, as a woman, a wife, and a mom.  I believe that God has future for you —Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG) says, I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Keep going.  Don’t stop now.  The work you do now can change the legacy for your entire family!

Blessings, 

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. 

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FREE GIFTS!!

If you struggle to feel, name, or work through your emotions effectively, I’ve created several powerful resources, including my Emotions Chart, Emotional Intelligence Toolkit to help you grow in your emotional wellbeing and equip you to walk well in your life and relationships. They are FREE (along with my ENTIRE resource library) when you subscribe to my weekly newsletter and will empower and equip you to discover the spiritual, emotional, and relational healing and wellbeing you’ve always desired!

Claim your gifts now!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Ask Lisa—How Do I Trust That My Husband Has Truly Changed?

Ask Lisa is an advice post for people who write in to me, asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although this is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you face.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in.  I’d be glad to tackle it together!

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Dear Lisa,

Please help!  My husband and I have been separated for two months. He has always had an explosive temper since we married twelve years ago.  As time has passed, his temper has grown worse and he has been verbally and emotionally abusive for years.  I have lived under his control and have feared making any decision that might upset him or spark another rage.  I love him, but I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him.

Since I’ve been gone, it seems he has found his faith.  Though he grew up in church, he has always been a skeptic.  Now, he tells me he has changed and begs me to reconcile.  I don’t know what to do?  He has always been remorseful after an angry outburst, he has promised a million times that it would never happen again—and yet it inevitably does. He says he doesn’t need counseling, but assures me that things will be different.  Do you think I’m in rebellion to God because I don’t want to go back home?  

Heartbroken in Hunstville

Dear Heartbroken,

Thank you for reaching out. Nothing is easy about walking away from someone you love, even when your emotional/physical safety is at risk. You made the right decision to leave. Once someone starts down the cycle of abuse, it can easily continue beyond emotional and verbal into physical abuse.  I need you to know —NO type of abuse is acceptable.  No amount of abuse is okay.  It’s not.  Your phsycial and emotional safety cannot be risked for the sake of reconciliation, without full trust that someone’s heart and behavior have changed.  

This, unfortunately, is where many people make the mistake of returning based on a promise without any proof.  In psychology there are two types of change.  One type of change is called first-order change.  First-order change occurs on the behavioral level without impacting the operating rules of the system. These changes are considered superficial and less sustainable, leaving many to coin the phrase, white-knuckling, when describing first-order change.

The other type of change is called second-order change.

This is transformational, and truly the only kind of change that is sustainable.  The reason is simple —second-order change starts in the heart. It owns full responsibility for behavior, it is truly sorrowful.  Most importantly, it is followed by consistent, verifiable behavioral change. This kind of change is change you can see, change you can count on, change that over time rebuilds safety and trust in the relationship.

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If you are struggling in your relationship, I’ve created two of my best resources for couples, including a Marriage Expectation Worksheet as well as a Marriage Health Quiz to help you assess the health of your relationship and learn to develop healthy expectations for each other.  They are FREEwhen you subscribe to my weekly newsletter and will empower and equip you to discover the spiritual, emotional, and relational healing and wellbeing you’ve always desired!

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I truly hope he has recommitted his life to Christ.  If he has changed, time will bear witness and his walk will continue whether you reconcile todayor not.  You will see someone who is learning how to better manage his emotions.  You will experience someone who speaks to you respectfully, someone who doesn’t push, understanding that you need your space to heal and come to your decision in your own time.  

My encouragement for you is to find a trusted therapist who can walk with you and not only help you grieve, but help you heal from past traumas and learn to trust again.  This takes time, my friend.  If he is sincere, you can both heal, grow, and reconcile slowly, building a new relationship foundation that is stronger and better than ever before.  

Sometimes we become impatient and try to rush our healing process. Don’t.  The time and effort you put into your healing will yield a harvest of peace later.  

If you are not sure exactly what healthy relationships look like or how to cultivate them, I encourage you to get my book, Peace For A Lifetime, which will help you understand and create the healthiest, most resilient relationships possible!

I’ll be praying for you!

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. 

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I've included my two best marriage resources - my Healthy Expectations Worksheet and my Marriage Health Quiz for FREE when you sign up for my weekly newsletter. Discover the spiritual + emotional + relational wellbeing and abundance God has for you! Get Yours Now!!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Ask Lisa—What Do I do With A Daughter Who Is Out Of Control?

“Ask Lisa” is an advice post for people who write in asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although it is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you may be facing today.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in!

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Dear Lisa,

I am writing you because I don’t know what to do.  My daughter Emily is 23 years old.  She has been working in our family business since she graduated high school.  She is disruptive to our business as she is often late, is disrespectful to everyone, and has a poor work ethic.  I brought her on because I wanted to train her from the ground up in the hopes of her taking over the business one day.  I’ve removed her from projects, disciplined her, talked to her privately, but to no avail.  Everything seems to be spiraling and it is affecting my other staff.

To make matter worse, she has had a history of anxiety and depression.  Currently, I fear she isn’t taking her meds or going to her therapy appointments. All she seems intestered in is partying with friends, which can't be helping matters. What do I do? I love my daughter but I can’t continue going on like this.

Sleepless Mom in Seattle

Dear Mom,

Such a challenging situation for any parent!  We love our kids and want to do everything we can to make their lives as stable and successful as possible.  Yet as our kids grow into adults, we can no longer control them or corral them to ensure their safety.  We can’t. We can love our kids, pray over them, and encourage them.  But when they won’t listen, sometimes the only thing we can do is draw healthy boundaries for ourselves that hopefully bring them face to face with the reality of their life and situation, boundaries that allow God to intervene, changing and transforming them in ways we never thought possible.

I can tell you love your daughter and are concerned not only for her future career and financial stability, but also for her mental health issues.  I would encourage you to consider setting up a time to meet with her privately.  Detail specifics of her job performance.  Express your desire to have her continue working with your company, but set clear expectations for what would have to change in order for her to do so, including a timeline for meeting each expectation.  If there have not been any consequences thus far for her behavior, you could define specific consequences for each infraction (ie. Sent home and docked a day’s pay if late, etc.), but there has to be a willingness on her part to change.  If she doesn’t see a problem and doesn’t seem inclined to change, the best course of action might be to let her go.

If you are not sure exactly what healthy boundaries look like or how to implement them, I encourage you to get my book,Peace For A Lifetime, which will help you understand and create healthy boundaries for all of your relationships.

Allowing her to experience the real world with real bosses to whom she's not related might be the best life-teacher.  Doing everything for them rarely grows anything in them.

Many parents have adult children with mental health issues, which I know can make the situation more complex. However, somewhere along the way, adults, even if they are your children, have to learn to assume responsibility for the own mental/emotional wellbeing.  As a parent, you could agree to pay for psychiatric visits, meds, and/or therapy as long as they are willing to consistently show up for appointments.  Beyond that, in most situations, there is little a parent can do to make sure their adult child (especially if they are not living with you) is taking their meds or doing their part to maintain their mental/emotional stability.  

Your focus has to be on taking care of yourself and your business appropriately.  You need to make sure you have someone to talk with, a strong support system at church, as well as good self-care.  Pray over what your boundaries need to be, set a date to communicate your boundaries, and be prepared to follow through with them.

I’ll be praying for you!

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional in a clinical setting. 

---

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Six Steps Parents Can Take To Protect Their Teens From Porn

Today’s post comes from our “Ask Lisa” feature, where readers submit questions they would like for me to address in an upcoming post. Anonymous writes, We recently caught our oldest son engaging in "stuff" online. Looking for some basic advice and help for our son.If you have a subject you would like me to address in the future, please submit your question here.

We don’t talk about it a lot. It is the silent epidemic that affects both adults and teens. It’s pornography. Many say it is not “if” someone you love will struggle with it, it is “when.” These days, the struggle with porn isn’t just limited to males. Recent studies show a dramatic increase in pornography usage in both women and adolescent girls.

Sad, huh? A 2014 Barna Group survey revealed the following demographic data regarding pornography use by American adults:

• Among males 18-30 years old, 79% viewed pornography once per month and 63% viewed pornography greater than once per week.

• Among males 31-49 years old, 67% viewed pornography once per month and 38% viewed pornography greater than once per week.

• Among females 18-30 years old, 34% viewed pornography once per month and 19% viewed pornography more than once per week.

• Among females 31-49 years old, 16% viewed pornography once per month and 8% viewed pornography greater than once per week.

A recent survey of American young people revealed that 51% of males and 32% of females claimed to have viewed pornography for the first time before they were 13 years old.  Thirteen years old! In a 2012 Australian study of pornography use, men who were frequent pornography users said their first exposure was between the ages of 11 to 13 years old.  A 2009 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that 85% of adolescent males and 50% of adolescent females had been exposed to pornographic material. These are our babies, our precious children. This is not just someone else’s issue.

Many say, Boys will be boys. What’s the big deal?—right? Wrong.

Pornography is having a profound affect on our teens. Science shows that exposure to violent pornography is associated with sexually aggressive behaviors in both adolescent and adult males. For young people, one study found that viewing sexually explicit web sites increased the likelihood of having more than one sexual partner. Porn also increased the likelihood of using alcohol and drugs during sexual activity. 

Now we are seeing a direct linkage between teenage sexting —the sending of sexually explicit photos, images, text messages or e-mails using a mobile device— and pornography exposure.  Many female teens who view pornography find themselves in relationships where they are exploited by their partner, feeling coerced to participate in sexual acts that they object to.

Dr. David Berry in TheJournal of Pediatrics noted the research of Bryant D. Zillman, reporting,

Pornography use by teens and young adults often leads to a distorted view of sexuality and its role in fostering healthy personal relationships.  These distortions include the overestimation of the prevalence of sexual activity in the community, the belief that sexual promiscuity is normal, and the belief that sexual abstinence is unhealthy.  These perspectives are likely to make it more difficult for young people to form lasting, meaningful relationships with the opposite sex, which ultimately results in more anxiety, depression, and overall life dissatisfaction.

The negative impact isn’t just for today, either. Pornography will have a negative effect on our teens later when they marry, creating unrealistic expectations for spouses and developing a reliance on heightened excitement and adrenaline spikes that normal sexual relationships cannot provide. The fantasy associated with porn causes individuals to lose interest in their spouses, forming a cycle of conflict and distance with their husbands or wives.

Parents need to understand the negative impact widespread use of pornography is having on today’s children so we can help stop this destructive influence and do our best to protect our teens. Here are six things we can do today.

Monitor Mobile Devices

Though I personally don’t believe in teens having their own mobile devices, most teens today do have cell-phones, I-pads, I-pods, etc. Mobile devices are one of the most common ways teens are accessing porn. While many families have web filters installed on their home computers, filters for tablets and phones are much less common.

Instead of using web filters that are only installed on your family computer, try installing filters at the entry-point into your home. There are many options for routers that filter any and all internet devices in your home, as well as other similar options.

Make sure ALL phones, tablets, computers and other electronic devices have parental controls to help eliminate access to inappropriate material and make sure electronic devices are used in public spaces only. Isolation is a breeding ground for inappropriate activity, whether texting with friends or accessing pornography.

Review YouTube Ads and Related Videos

Most kids today spend a lot of time on YouTube. Even though Google, the parent company of YouTube, has announced they will no longer allow pornographic ads on their ad services, their idea of inappropriate often looks a lot different than mine. One of the best options is AdBlock Plus, which not only turns off related videos, but also filters out ads and other questionable content.

Control Streaming Services

If you are one of the millions of families who have signed up for Netflix, Hulu+, or Amazon Prime, beware. All of the new streaming services make it extremely easy for teens to access material they shouldn't. Parents, take the time to look into each service’s filters and set up the controls you need to keep your family safe.

Evaluate Kids' Friends and Schoolmates

Our teens’ friends can be extremely difficult to monitor and control. What do you do when one of your child's schoolmates exposes your son or daughter to pornography? It’s hard to filter out a friend. You can't keep your child locked away forever in order to keep them away from problem kids. 

The best prevention is to consistently instill in your children healthy Biblical principles of living a life honoring to God, having a strong enough sense of self to do the right thing even when no one else is looking, developing clear boundaries, and knowing what being a good friend looks like, even to those who are making poor choices.

Watch Out for Video games

Video games may seem harmless on the surface, but many have dangerous or inappropriate content inside. Regardless of the genre, it's important to be careful which games we allow in our homes. Parents must be proactive in determining which games you let your children play.

The ESRB rating system —"E for Everyone," "T for Teen," etc.— can be helpful, but even then parents need to use the ratings wisely. Sit down and play the games with your kids. Watch them play. Be certain their games comply with your family standards.

Oversee Apps like SnapChat, WhatsApp, Kik, and more

Apps are everywhere and our kids are finding new, more secretive ways of connecting than parents can keep up with. Don’t just assume that an app is safe or appropriate —investigate all of them. Have an ongoing conversation with your teens about what apps they use on their phones or tablets. Parents should have a no secret password policy where family members either forego the use of passwords on their devices or share their passwords with you, the parent.

As always, diligence is key. Parents need to take an inventory periodically of which apps your kids have downloaded, what they seem to spend most time on, and what the purpose or content of the app entails. If necessary, use a service like Screen Time Parental Controls which allows you to set time limits, block calls from strangers, and more.

What To Do If You Discover Your Teen Has Developed an Addiction to Porn

Sometimes we as parents find out about our child’s pornography usage and/or addiction after the fact. Please do not overlook the situation or think that because you have had the talk, everything is probably fine. It’s usually not.

Get your teen help. Find a good, Christian counselor that can work with them to understand and process through the distorted images they have seen, help them grow a strong sense of self built on strong core beliefs and values, assist them in developing healthy emotional regulation and impulse control, as well as identify the qualities of normal, healthy adult relationships.

Help your teen when they can’t help themselves. There are accountability programs like Covenant Eyes that will notify you and/or other accountability partners to help your teen stay safe. They can also benefit from support provided by SA groups for teens and other therapy groups.

At the end of the day, there's no perfect way to protect our children from the growing pornographic content they are bombarded with on a daily basis. What parents can do is be aware, be vigilant, be consistent, and be present.

Give your children and teens plenty of extra-curricular activities to help keep them invested in positive outlets. Instill in them the need for a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Model for them an active, dynamic faith. Give them the gift of love. Most of all, give them the gift of prayer.

Ephesians 6:12 (NIV) says, For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

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Blog

Apr 23, 2019

Two Lessons About The Wisdom and Wonder of Parenting - guest post by Chip Mattis

Apr 23, 2019

Apr 23, 2019

Mar 19, 2019

ASK LISA - How Do I Stop The Cycle of Anger?

Mar 19, 2019

Mar 19, 2019

Jan 29, 2019

Ask Lisa—What Do I do With A Daughter Who Is Out Of Control?

Jan 29, 2019

Jan 29, 2019

May 29, 2018

Four Ways Parents Can Minimize Stress While Maximizing Kids' Wellbeing

May 29, 2018

May 29, 2018

Feb 6, 2018

For Every Parent and Child Who Feels The Struggle of Being 'Raised Up'

Feb 6, 2018

Feb 6, 2018

Jun 27, 2017

How To Know When It’s Time For Your Millennial To Move Out

Jun 27, 2017

Jun 27, 2017

Jun 6, 2017

Six Steps Parents Can Take To Protect Their Teens From Porn

Jun 6, 2017

Jun 6, 2017

Apr 25, 2017

Four Life-Changing Reasons Children Need To Hear The Word “No”

Apr 25, 2017

Apr 25, 2017

Mar 21, 2017

How To Teach Your Child Respect – In This Political Climate

Mar 21, 2017

Mar 21, 2017

May 31, 2016

Six Myths About Being a Good Mom

May 31, 2016

May 31, 2016

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891