Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

The demise of fairness and the ability to tell the good guys from the bad ones

I often think back to the 90’s with a feeling of nostalgia for a decade that seemed as hopeful as it was prosperous. As an idealist right out of college, I listened to Paula Cole’s famous song and believed that most of us were cowboys —that we understood the ideals of right and wrong, and measured out justice, like John Wayne, with impartiality and integrity. That’s what I believed back then, anyways.

I was quite the dreamer in those days. Like all the good western movies, life seemed a little more clear-cut, more uncomplicated somehow. As I looked around I felt in my heart we were all on the same team, rooting for the same cause, our great American dream. We could easily tell the good guys from the bad guys and we were thrilled to see the good guys come riding in on their gallant white horses to save the day. To bring the bad guys to justice. It all seemed so simple.

Who are the good guys?

As I have witnessed the combined narratives of mainstream media, Facebook threads, and general water-cooler conversation these days, I find myself asking, Where have all the cowboys gone? How did we arrive at this place where our country is less important than our party, and where justice is seen only through the lens of an elephant or donkey?

I speak not against a particular party, but against an insidious trend in culture that is pitting us all against each other. Dividing us. Destroying what made this little experiment of a country so special in the first place.

We act less like Americans and more like spectators at a boxing match, waiting with baited breath for any sign of weakness, any notion that our guy is getting ready to land the final knockout blow. Where our guy is hailed the champion and the other is resigned to a dark corner of the locker room.

It appears our moral indignation and righteous anger ends at the door of our party affiliation. We become suddenly, strangely quiet when our guy takes a hit, or stumbles and falls. We jeer with a foaming anticipation at the missteps of someone, anyone, as long as they are on the other team.

We are no longer fair-minded. No longer wise. No longer models of Christ’s character. We as Believers should never be known more for our political positions than we are known for our faith, our character, our integrity.

We should be the cowboys—the model for those above the fray, who are fair-minded, with a solid standard for character and integrity. We should be able to tell the good guys from the bad guys and be willing to hold all of the bad ones to account.

Here are few questions to consider:

• Are our standards held equally for those in power?

Romans 3:23 (NIV) states, For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 3:10-12 (NIV) adds, There is no one righteous, not even one.

• Are we open to consider the failings of everyone impartially, even those on our side, so to speak?

James 2:1 (ESV) tells us, My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.

James 3:17 (ESV) goes on to state, But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

• Can we be slow to speak, quick to listen, and fair in judging the words and actions of others, regardless of their party affiliation?

Micah 6:8 (ESV) says, He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Romans 2:11 (ESV) declares that, God shows no partiality.

Exodus 23:1-33 (ESV) further asserts, You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with a wicked man to be a malicious witness. You shall not fall in with the many to do evil, nor shall you bear witness in a lawsuit, siding with the many, so as to pervert justice, nor shall you be partial to a poor man in his lawsuit. “If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey going astray, you shall bring it back to him. If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying down under its burden, you shall refrain from leaving him with it; you shall rescue it with him. ...

• Do we care more about our side winning than righteousness prevailing?

Proverbs 21:3 (ESV) tells us, To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

• Do we care more about proclaiming our perspective than we do proclaiming the name of Jesus?

Mark 12:28-31 (ESV) shares, And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Hebrews 6:10 (ESV) reminds us that, God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do.

Challenging Our Better Selves

The truth is, one side is not all bad, nor is the other side all good.  

Matthew 7:3-5 admonishes us, Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

We should stand up for what is right, no matter who is in office. We should be sad when anyone falls or stumbles. Whether they have a “D” or an “R” next to their name, we should want wrongdoers to be held accountable for their words and actions. The hypocrisy of selective moral outrage has to stop—if we want our country, our communities, or our relationships to survive and thrive.

Could we all take a breath and remember not only who we are, but Whose we are? The world around us is watching. Are we just as angry, outraged, cynical, and vitriolic, as everyone else out there? Can we speak our perspective from a place of respect, fairness, openness, and consideration of all? Do we know what our values, beliefs, and moral expectations are or do we define them based on what someone else is doing/not doing?

We really need to think, my friends. We need to examine our idea of fairness, our idea of justice. We need to consider how we tell the good guys from the bad guys. Consider who we are, and who we want to be. I don’t know about you, but I want to be a cowboy.

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Because Those Who Are Suffering Need Us To Notice

Rachel’s face was weary, her distracted glance seemed lost somewhere in the distance. She spoke of her life in fragments and whispers. Her story was both tragic and impossible. My heart wept for the child who endured such abuse, such profound neglect and who woke up years later with a lifetime of losses and a heart full of sorrow. Her emotions swelled just beneath the surface, though she worked fiercely to contain them.

She had tried everything to find happiness. Her face softened slightly remembering the admiration and accolades of others in years past, as she made her way up the corporate ladder. She wasn’t shy about admitting her lifestyle of partying, indulgence and extremes.

And still, as she described in hushed tones, nothing had ever taken away the hole inside her heart. Awakening halfway through her journey on this earth, Rachel felt as hopeless and empty as ever.

Rachel is not alone…

His name was Jim. Just Jim. Overwhelmed with anguish and despair, he awoke one Wednesday morning with a sense he needed to drive to that barn-church out in the country. He said he didn’t believe there were accidents in life, yet he didn’t quite know why he was here.

He was new to the area. His business was failing. He wasn’t good with people, never had been. His children were counting on him. The pressure he felt was overwhelming and he could no longer see a way forward. Maybe they would be better off without him, he thought.

He said he didn’t believe in God. Was actually against God. Against church for that matter, too. The church had let him down, hurt him in the past. He swore he would never go there again. He pondered aloud, It seems strange that something would tell me to drive to a church today.

Strange wasn’t exactly what I would call it. I would call it divine. I would call it God.

My friends, there is a world that is suffering all around us. Suffering with a kind of pain that brings them to the edge. They are suffering from a host of disappointments, losses, and heartaches. They are suffering from every imaginable illness—mental, physical, and spiritual. They are suffering.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get so lost in my problems, my insecurities, my circumstances, that I become blinded to anything outside of my distilled, myopic fog. I guess most of us do in our own way. We miss altogether the myriad of panicked, broken individuals whose hearts are quivering for someone to see them, to notice them, to bring them relief.

As part of Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to encourage each of us to be more aware of others wherever we are – whether in the grocery store, the hair salon, the PTA meeting, or the sales office. There are three things we in the body of Christ can do to bring healing to a broken, desperate world.

Look up

Yes, my eyes are usually locked on a screen, whether I’m walking through a parking lot or sitting in the doctor’s office. Most of us get pre-occupied—with a project, a task, a to-do that needs our immediate attention. Sometimes if we’re honest, we don’t want to look up. We like the safety, the anonymity. We’re in such a hurry, we really don’t want anything to distract us or intrude upon our plans.

I’m so glad the Good Samaritan (Luke 10) was looking up. Perhaps if he had been on his phone or sending a text, he would have missed seeing the man laying half-dead along the side of the road. I have no idea how many opportunities I have missed because I was too pre-occupied to see others, to see anyone really, in my day-to-day routine.

I wonder what might happen if we each took a moment, just a moment, to see those who are around us? I wonder what might change inside of us if we began to prioritize the present moment instead of our dreadful agenda? Would we see a whole big world out there in a new way that begins to blow our minds, that threatens to shock and astonish our protected, safe sensibilities?  

Take a moment this week to look up. Tell me what you see.

Make Eye Contact

It seems in society today, few of us are intentional about making eye contact anymore. Eye contact connects us to others in a way we’d prefer to avoid. Connects two worlds together in the space of a moment. Requires us to step out from the safe confines of our heart and notice another’s.  They say they eyes are the window to the soul.  I believe they are.

We know people today are more isolated, more alone, more disconnected than ever before. We know loneliness and depression are rampant. What a ministry of compassion to notice the unseen stranger instead of looking past them, and welcome them into your world. To allow them to be seen and noticed. To feel a moment of human connection. To recognize a child of God.  It seems small, but sometimes the smallest acts have the greatest impact, whether we ever see the results or not.

Job 2:11-13 (NIV) says, When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

Wherever you are this week, take one opportunity to make eye contact with someone else. What did their eyes reveal?

Engage

Start a conversation with someone. About anything or nothing, really. Just find a person or two that you can choose to engage. Ask a question. Make an observation. Nothing controversial, condemning, or political, of course. Ask them about their football jersey. Make an observation about the weather. Ask them how their day is going. Ask them how they are doing. If you really want to be brave, ask them what they are struggling most with these days. Lean in a little. Yeah, just a little…and listen.

You don’t have to make a moment into something it is not. You don’t need to force a connection or create an agenda. Allowing ourselves to be present in the moment creates an opportunity for a miracle to emerge. Our job is simply to make ourselves open and available to ourselves, to God, and perhaps another human being.

The more we can see the impact of small, simple gestures, the easier it is for us to step outside of our comfort zones and make contact with a world that is hurting. We don’t have to go to Africa to feed the hungry. They are right here. They are all around. They are children of God and they are starving to be seen, to be heard, to be loved.

Galatians 6:2 (NIV) tells us to, Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Romans 12:15 (ESV) encourages Believers to, Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

Start a conversation with someone, anyone this week. Ask a question. Smile. Bless them. Serve them.  Pray with them.  Listen.  What did you hear?

Look up. Make eye contact. Engage.

That’s how we in the body of Christ can be the hands and feet of Christ to those who are suffering. Because those who are suffering need us to notice.

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Four Life-Changing Reasons Children Need To Hear The Word “No”

Yes, I heard it a lot growing up. The word no. It’s such a little word with a lot of influence on parents and kids.

No, you cannot watch television all day.

No, you may not skip dinner.

No, you may not use the car.  

This word has fallen out of vogue in many families, almost like an old shoe that no longer fits.  We've opted for a more friendly, egalitarian approach to raising our kids. We read all of the parenting books that told us somehow we could raise kids with full, tender hearts and no wounds.  We learned to flitter around like butterflies and protect our little ones from any heartache or disappointment that a bad grade or a missed field goal would inflict. In the process we removed the word no from our vocabulary, as if in removing the word, we would remove any broken promises or tear-stained moments from their lives.

We know that many times we say no too often and too easily. We know when it's always on the tip of our tongue and right on the surface of our heart, the word no renders it less effective. We know that used in anger and frustration, this word can destroy a child’s soul and dim the flicker of hope in their eyes.

What I am coming to believe, though, is that by never saying no, we as parents are becoming increasingly overprotective.  As a result, we are producing children who have a belly full of I want's, that's not fair's, and I deserve's that leave them emotionally starving, fragile, and ill-equipped for the real world. Because they have never had to feel what it feels like to stumble and fall, nor build the I can attitude that comes from persevering in the face of obstacles and opposition, they are in essence, set up to fail.

In a recent HuffPost article, Lori Freson, M.A., LMFT says, News flash: Kids need you to say ‘no.’ Children are not emotionally or developmentally equipped to make major decisions or rules, or to self-regulate. That’s your job. And if you don’t do it, your child will feel a sense of confusion and internal chaos.

I know we're all doing our best to make it through the day, but perhaps we need a different perspective on our parenting. As Dr. Robin Berman, Los Angeles-based psychiatrist and author states, Parenting is not a democracy; it's a benevolent dictatorship. While we need to listen better so that we can hear our kid's emotional heartbeat, we also need to stand firm when we draw boundaries for respect and responsibility, if we want our children to dream big dreams and see them come to life.

[clickToTweet tweet="Parenting is not a democracy; it's a benevolent dictatorship. _Dr. Robin Berman" quote="Parenting is not a democracy; it's a benevolent dictatorship. _Dr. Robin Berman"]

Proverbs 3:11-12 (NIV) says, My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

There are four reasons our children NEED to hear the word no:

They need to learn how to respect others.

Many young adults today have little respect in their hearts.  They've had a lifetime of training that has led them to believe they possess equal power and position to the adults in their lives.  Focused primarily on getting what they want, they resist respecting their parents, grandparents, teachers, or coaches based on their position of authority in their lives.  You can hear it from teenagers all around— I respect my parents when they let me do what I want to do.

The problem is that as these kids of ours become adults, if they have not been taught a healthy respect for authority, they will always be fighting against someone—their bosses, their spouses, and yes, even God.  By saying no to them now, we are allowing them to learn firsthand how to respect us as the God-given authority in their lives.  And yes, we are also teaching them how to respect God.  What a world of blessing to them as they start building their lives in a complex world filled with even more complex relationships.

Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.  I Peter 2:17 (NIV)

They need to learn that the world owes them nothing.

Most of us have experienced having to live with no’s in our lives—whether they are no’s to our career ambitions, to our hopes and dreams, even to our health and wellbeing. It doesn’t take too long in adulthood to realize that no can be a common, if not undesirable theme.

When kids get everything they want, they get entitled, and when they get entitled, they get selfish, according to Britney at Equipping Godly Women. If we want our children to thrive, they need to experience what no feels like so they can develop better self-reliance and resilience, both necessary traits to successfully accomplish their goals in life. Children who never hear no's are rarely grateful for the yes’s in their lives.

[clickToTweet tweet="Children who never hear no's are rarely grateful for the yes’s in their lives." quote="Children who never hear no's are rarely grateful for the yes’s in their lives."]

So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’  Luke 17:10 (NIV)

They need to learn to recognize warning signs to danger.

If children are never told no, they fail to develop some important internal cues that will protect them from potentially harmful or dangerous situations. Whether it is, No, don’t touch the hot stove, or No, don’t play in the street, parents need to remember that children are not small adults.  They have not yet fully developed advanced cognitive reasoning skills needed to assess risk and employ protective strategies. It is our job to teach them.

By placing limits and saying no, children learn to recognize early signals to potential danger and develop the necessary skills to keep themselves safe. They are better at learning whom to trust, and when to trust, experiencing less heartache and disappointment from learning how to deal with toxic people and situations.

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.  Psalm 22:3 (NIV)

They need to learn to regulate their emotions.

Many times parents avoid telling their children no, not because it is right or called for but because they fear upsetting them. They fear disappointing them.  They fear losing their love.  Fear of our children and their moods should never be the guiding factor behind our parenting.

Our children need to feel the pangs of disappointment that come from no and learn to sort through the most uncomfortable, even hurtful emotions more effectively. We cannot spend our lives trying to protect them from every pain and discouragement that comes along. We CAN prepare them to deal well in any situation life will bring.

Romans 8:28 (NIV) says, We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.

Psalms 42:11 (NIV) states, Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

I am not suggesting we become tyrants or overuse our no’s.  We need to also reach into their tender hearts and listen to hopes and dreams that don't have words, and unpack the wounded moments that they are, in their own way, trying to share.  Yet I do believe we can use our no's appropriately and effectively to help our children develop skills such as self-reliance, self-discipline, respect, integrity and a host of other crucial character traits. Let’s learn to use our no’s wisely and calmly so we can strengthen and fortify our children, thus empowering their lives and futures.

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Because Sometimes The Most Beautiful Things Spring From The Deadest Places

Sometimes the most beautiful things spring from the deadest places. A few weeks back my husband and I were attending a celebration of life service for a family friend. The service was everything beautiful and sacred, allowing us to pause for a moment and savor the words expressed over a life well-lived, a heart well-loved.

A mixture of emotions ebbed and flowed inside of me, as each refrain expressed another shade of sorrow mixed with reverence, with love, with sadness— sadness for the husband minus his soul mate, his wife; sadness for the lonely little one sitting in the wings with his friends. This sort of occasion purges from the shallowest of depths the most melancholy and tender emotions. A catharsis of sorts.

It began as nothing really, until it was something. I sat quietly watching the family pour in, ever so stately, solemnly as they took their seats. It was just one glimpse, one look that sent me reeling. In an instant a lightning bolt of anguish, anger, dare I say hatred, coursed through me. I had no idea. It had been so long ago, the pain, so old, I thought it had healed, had passed, had dissipated from the inside out. I thought.

But in an instant, my brokenness was exposed, my wound revealed in the most irreverent and untimely of ways. I exhaled, trying to rid myself of this lingering pain. To no avail.

This pang stirred inside my belly, right underneath the surface of my knowing, until a few days later as I sat in another pew, a Sunday morning pew, listening to another sermon. This sermon was about life and faith, and all sorts of truths that I forever try to stuff inside my heart to carry me, strengthen me for another day. But on this day, as I was listening, I heard the pastor say, But above all else guard your heart.(Proverbs 4:23, NIV) It hit me again.

Was He speaking to me? Was this one of those moments of revelation, of conviction, of healing, when He reaches into the deepest places in my heart to reveal His truth? For me, it was.

Somehow, years ago I had picked up an offense. I had let it steal into the corners of my heart and plant itself in the most loathsome of ways. I wasn’t even aware. On that day, my heart revealed its unholy alliance with an offense and my spirit heaved a terrible grief.

The Gift of Conviction

We will all as Believers have moments like this on our journeys, when God steps into our routine and shines His light on the dimmest, most forgotten places in our hearts that need to be healed. He speaks life and conviction, using the most tender of measures to sanctify us through and through.

I love how God never finishes with our transformation. He is never satisfied to leave us soaking in our sin. His love for us knows no end.

Romans 2:4 (NLT) shares God’s heart toward His children and their sin, Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

Still, the one thing we can trust about our Abba Father more than anything is that just as He would leave His flock to find the one lost sheep, no matter where we are, He will find us. He will convict us, teach us, heal us, and make us new. He will never leave us in the pit. His conviction is life-giving in that the gift of repentance removes the sin that has become a cancer in our souls. The gift of repentance restores our relationship. It forms God’s character in us. Sets us free.

2 Corinthians 7:10 (NIV) states that, Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

The Blessing of Repentance

C.H. Spurgeon says of conviction,

A true physician makes incisions only in order to effect cures, and a wise minister excites painful emotions in men’s minds only with the distinct object of blessing their souls.

And isn’t that what Easter is all about? The weight of sins that hangs heavy on our shoulders is all at once swallowed up in light, in life, in eternity, in redemption. This great salvation is for all because Jesus bore it all. ALL.

I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.Isa. 43:25 (NIV)

He wipes them clean. Our hearts, our lives. He forgives. He scrubs our souls with the blood of the Lamb so that now we can stand spotless.

All we have to do is repent and confess. Such little things in the grand scheme of life.

To turn away from death, and reach toward life.

Sometimes the most beautiful things spring from the deadest places.

What is God revealing in your heart that He wants to heal?  How can you begin today to embrace His gift of conviction, repent, and reach towards new life in Him?

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

How To Teach Your Child Respect – In This Political Climate

So here's the thing— Joanne Kraft isn't an ordinary southern girl.  Joanne is a California transplant to the hills of Tennessee, and she's got a powerful message for all parents out there — you can turn a "mean mom's" parenting into amazing children.  She knows.  She's got four kids of her own.  She writes and speaks around the country and I'm thrilled to have my dear friend  join the "Peace For A Lifetime" Community today!  

Like the rest of the free world, I’m disgusted by what’s happening. Our political climate is like watching a bunch of toddlers without naps.  

I’ve turned off the TV. Stopped going on Facebook and pretty much anything that allows me to see or hear this insanity.

We’ve lost the art of conversation and respect for other people’s views.

We’re just not willing to listen anymore.

How disrespectful is that?

Faith…teaches us not merely to tolerate one another, but to respect one another–to show regard to different views and the courtesy to listen. –George W. Bush, Inaugural Address 2001

Teaching Your Child To Listen

 “My daughter just doesn’t respect me. What can I do? She shouts at me and doesn’t listen to a word I say.”

This is the question I get most. Parents want to know how to instill respect in their children—especially when having a conversation.

Let me ask you this, it’s a question that will answer alot…

How do you model conversation with someone who believes differently than you do?

How do you act when your husband and you disagree? How do you talk about him when he’s not around? What about your mother-in-law? How do you talk about her? How do you act when you don’t get your way?

It matters.

Toddlers who throw tantrums become adults who do the same if we don’t teach them another way.

Kids want to be heard. They want to know their thoughts and ideas matter.

Adults do, too.

The problem is, when you’re raising kids there can only be one government and that government is called Mom and Dad.

It’s actually more like a benevolent dictatorship.

How Our Kids Talk Around The Dinner Table

I believe the best parents raise kids into adults who use logic and respect to share their beliefs and opinions and then LISTEN to ours.

When our kids were all little and around our kitchen table at night, they shared in the conversation with thoughts and ideas and stories that didn’t always make sense to us.

Still, we listened.

As they grew older, their ideas got a little kooky sometimes. (Teenagers, remember?) So, we’d engage with logic and truth. We’d ask them follow up questions, “Who told you that? Why do you believe that source? Do you know anyone else who had this experience?”

That sort of thing.

Respecting another person is simply admitting that God is big enough to love him or her just as much as he loves me. –Stephen Arterburn

There is much freedom of thought in our home and if anything, we taught them to be strong in what they believed. To have an answer that made sense and was factual was encouraged. If they spouted off with rhetoric we held them accountable and asked them to think critically about what they just said. Critical thinking is lacking in so many parenting classes these days. .

Parents walk a fine line between teaching respect and response.  We teach a child to respect the higher office of “parent” and instruct them to respond in a way that will be heard.

I make sure my kids understand their words carry a whole lot more weight if they are respectful with their delivery.

Why?

Because tantrums don’t work.

Name calling doesn’t work.

Shouting down Mom and Dad will never persuade us.

Ever.

Here’s a few things you can do to build teach your child the art of respectful conversation:

Teach them to use their words.  Speaking just to shout or cry is not helpful. Sharing feelings is important, so start there.

Teach your child to listen. Stand or sit eye to eye with your child and take turns talking and listening, especially listening.

Acknowledge their feelings/words. “I think I heard you say that you’re not ready for a nap.” Or, “What you’re telling me is that you’re frustrated with your curfew and want to stay out later.” It’s important a child knows they’ve been heard.

It’s not personal. When their words do not persuade you to change your mind, make sure you remind them it’s not personal. I’d say something like, “You just explained yourself perfectly. I understand a lot better now why you want a later curfew. I really do, but I also have something you don’t yet have—adult perspective. I can see a bigger picture than just the curfew. I know you may not understand why I’m still not persuaded—but know this, I appreciate how you shared your heart with me and I love you very, very much.”

Respect is a character trait for success.

Why is respect so important?

Because, how my children treat me is how they’ll treat their teachers, future employers and eventually their spouses.

[clickToTweet tweet="How my children treat me is how they’ll treat their teachers, future employers and their spouses." quote="How my children treat me is how they’ll treat their teachers, future employers and their spouses."]

My kids are taught to respect all positions of authority but most importantly all people, period. There’s a difference between respecting a person and respecting their office or position.

I teach this because I was taught this by my own parents.

My Lesson In Respect Began In High School

My sophomore year in high school I had an algebra teacher who grabbed me by my jacket and sat me down in my chair.

A total jerk, right?

Okay, I may have been getting a D in the class and I may have been a bit chatty–my memory is a bit cloudy…

My three-tours-in-Viet-Nam-USMC-father called said teacher and gave him the “what for” and I silently listened from the family room.

Thinking to myself, Woohoo! Dad’s on my side!

When he got off the phone I overheard him tell my mom how much he didn’t respect the guy. Then he called for me, “Joanne!”

I almost skipped into the kitchen.

“I just spoke with your teacher. He won’t help you sit in your chair anymore. And, you’re on restriction for two weeks until we see your grade is up in his class.”

“What!? But Dad, I thought I heard you just tell Mom you didn’t like him?”

“I may not like him but he’s your teacher and from what he just shared with me, you’ve not been the best student in his class and your grade reflects that.”

The position my teacher held was to be respected. While I never respected my teacher personally, I was taught I could tolerate a lot when I didn’t like someone–even where algebra was concerned.

Teach your child to respect a position if they can’t respect a person. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. 1Peter 2:17

[clickToTweet tweet="Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. 1Peter 2:17" quote="Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. 1Peter 2:17"]

This is how my kids have been able to have conversations and even friendships with people from China, India, Russia, Australia, Africa, and not just other cultures but other belief systems; agnostics, Buddhists, atheists, Hindus and more.

I have to constantly remind myself my kids are watching. What I model is what I’ll see. Instead of blocking bridges or shouting down someone who might think completely opposite of how I think and believe, I’m teaching my kids to engage in conversation and respect ALL people.

It’s this process where they’ll learn to love them, too.

Scriptures  About Respecting Others

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10

[clickToTweet tweet="Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10 " quote="Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10 "]

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12

Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck. Proverbs 1:8-9

A Little About Joanne

Joanne Kraft is a mom of four and the author of  The Mean Mom’s Guide to Raising Great Kids and Just Too Busy—Taking Your Family on a Radical Sabbatical. She’s been a repeat guest on Focus on the Family, Family Life Today and CBN. Her articles have appeared in ParentLife, Today’s Christian Woman, In Touch, Thriving Family, P31 Woman and more. Joanne and her husband, Paul, once lifelong Californians, moved their family to Tennessee. They’ve happily traded soy milk and arugula for sweet tea and biscuits.

Website http://joannekraft.com/ 

Monthly Newsletter – http://goo.gl/xcp7N

Facebook Author Page:  http://goo.gl/nd3Jt

If you want to read more great posts about parenting, life and so much more, you'll definitely want to sign up for Joanne's blog!

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Blessings,

Lisa

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How to Walk Away From Your Pain, and Embrace a Life of Peace

It was the tipping point. The beginning of the fall. No, it wasn’t a crash, a sudden impact dive that you didn’t see coming. I saw this coming. I could feel it making its way toward me and yet, I was entirely helpless to stop it.

It was a slow, distinct unraveling. That moment where you can feel the wheels teetering ever so slightly out of balance until the whole thing comes unhinged. My heart, that is.

This was the season of my undoing.

I was quite certain I had never planned for this. My life was a well-structured agenda of fortitude, perseverance, accomplishments. They needed me in some misconstrued way, yet I needed them more.

From my earliest memories, I can recall that feeling, deep in my bones, that insane and horrific gnawing that I was not enough. That I would have to prove myself. I needed to be special. I needed to feel worthy. Loved.

I heard people say, If you try hard enough, you can accomplish anything.

I believed them.

So I set my face like flint against the wind, I measured my sails, and I set out to prove my worth to the world.

Whatever it takes, that was my motto.

Whether that meant hours of studying or practicing to be good enough. Whether it meant endless miles running wrapped in plastic wrap to be skinny enough, I did it. That was me.

In seventh grade, I was voted Most Likely To Succeed in my class. It felt good. The awards felt good. Just not quite good enough.

I kept going. I thought there was some point where I would arrive. Where I would attain. Where I would be enough.

Yet, inside I knew there was something adrift. If I was quiet enough, I could hear the tremors begin to quake. I felt the muffled pangs just beneath the surface.

I wanted to be healed. I longed to know what wholeness felt like. I craved peace more than anything I could imagine.

That must be for someone else, I thought, but it must not be for me.

I often felt like the woman in Scripture reaching out, desperate to touch the threads that lined the hem of Jesus’ robe. Surely if I could touch Him, she must have thought, then I would be healed. (Mark 5:21-34)

I understood the longing of the blind man, who day after day, hoped and prayed that he would one day see. How could he have known his Savior, his Healer would come with a little clay and a little spit near the pool of Siloam and give him everything he’d ever hoped for. How? (John 9:1-12)

I could see myself like Peter, shivering in the waves and wind as he stepped out of the boat onto the Sea of Galilee. If only I had enough fortitude to keep my eyes on Jesus, I could have walked on water without sinking beneath the waves of doubt and fear that pulled me under. (Matthew 14:22-33)

And then my healing came. Not in the way you’d expect. Jesus ushered me into a sacred place. A sacred season. Jesus led me to this season of healing and He never let go.

I heard Him whisper to me, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

I needed rest.

Each week, in my season of healing, Jesus faithfully sat with me as I unpacked the weight of burdens that had become too heavy for me to carry. I could feel His hand resting on the back of my aching hand as I connected stories of my past, my wounding. He held me in His arms as I wept for the broken things that had drained any measure of hope in my soul. I felt Him. I found rest in Him.

As I learned new ways of being, new ways of believing, like a proud parent, He lovingly coaxed and cheered me on as I took my first measured, stumbling steps.

Jesus sat with pride as He watched me rebuild the foundation of my life. He nurtured the roots of our relationship well. I felt my worth for the first time. I saw His delight in me.

I was building and living a life of peace. It was all I had ever hoped for. Longed for. To breathe. To feel solid and sure. To experience wholeness. To experience abundance. Physical abundance, spiritual abundance, emotional abundance.

In John 10:10b (NKJV) Jesus shares, I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Psalm 29:11 (NIV) adds, The Lord gives strength to His people.  The Lord blesses his people with peace.

The Hebrew word for peace, shalom, refers to wholeness, completeness, safety, soundness and fullness. I believe that God’s desire for each of us as individuals is to experience that kind of abundance in our lives, both spiritually and emotionally.

The Peace Pilgrimage

As I’ve counseled thousands of individuals and couples during my career as a Professional Therapist —or desert guide, as I like to describe my profession —the one thing that my clients universally long for is not money, not success, not even happiness. The one thing they desire more than anything else is peace.

Peace isn’t some elusive feeling. Peace is not a holy grail of emotionalism. Peace is simply the by-product of a life built on a foundation of Emotional Abundance.

Emotional Abundance is built from the ground up. Emotional Abundance is something that can be cultivated and embraced, that will alter everything about how we experience God, ourselves, and those with whom we are in relationship.

Thomas Merton poignantly portrayed, “We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God.”

I’ve discovered three ways we can walk away from our pain, and embrace a life of peace.

1. By Examining Our Lives from the Bottom Up

We will only experience true peace as we first experience peace with God. Peace with God is the foundation of a solid, stable life, filled with richness and beauty and meaning. We were created as spiritual beings, in His image.   We were created to have a connection, a deep and vital relationship with the God of the Universe. We were not meant to be ships anchored unto ourselves, tossed by the whims and waves of life. We were designed to be ships anchored into something powerful, something larger than ourselves that steadies and strengthens us for the journey.

1. By Discovering The Man (or Woman) In the Mirror

Peace with God is what allows us to come face to face with ourselves and cultivate peace within the interior spaces of our beings. We cannot begin to own our emotional identity if we do not own our spiritual identity as the beloved of our Father. We cannot learn to be kind or compassionate with ourselves if we have not grasped hold of God’s great hand of compassion that is always reaching toward us. To find, discover, lay hold of His safe refuge that allows us to be authentic and strong, passionate and purposeful is perhaps our most transcendent blessing.

1. By Cultivating Healthy, Thriving Relationships

As Merton describes, we are only capable of attaining peace in our relationships if we have laid the foundation of peace with God and peace with ourselves. How could we believe that we could experience abundant relationships if we had never experienced an abundant self? Yet, as we discover peace with ourselves, we are able to enjoy and celebrate true abundance, true peace in our relationships. We are able to be more emotionally honest, more centered and stable. We are able to breathe life and freedom into our relationships.

Life doesn’t change. We change.

[clickToTweet tweet="Life doesn’t change. We change. #peaceforalifetime" quote="Life doesn’t change. We change."]

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime– Embracing a Life of Hope, Wholeness, and Harmony through Emotional Abundance, I walk with readers through whatever season of life they are in, and lay out simple, practical life-steps that will help them find healing and will nurture Emotional Abundance in every area of their lives.

Is peace something that has always eluded you?

Is peace something you have always wanted in your relationships, but have never managed to experience, at least not for any length of time?

Do you, too, feel so alone in your brokenness that hope simply seems beyond your reach?

You don’t have to keep trying so hard to prove your worth. You don’t have to keep pushing, hoping that everything will turn out okay. Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you.

[clickToTweet tweet="Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you. #peaceforalifetime" quote="Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you."]

Jesus is whispering to you, Come to me…

Will you come to Him today? Will you accept the peace He has for you? Will you let Him walk you from your season of pain right into His peace?

You can experience the love for which you long.

You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine.

You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow.

You can experience peace —for a lifetime.

Blessings,

Lisa

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Because Anniversaries Need To Be Celebrated...(Plus a Giveaway)

Who doesn't LOVE anniversaries?  I can’t believe it has been a YEAR since my book, “Peace For A Lifetime” launched! What a sweet year it has been to see how God turned my healing journey into a passion to equip others to find the healing and abundance God has designed for each of us.

From where I sat twenty years ago, I could not have imagined that life could feel anything other than scattered, overwhelmed, broken, and hopeless. Yes, hopeless. I felt the life I longed for was way beyond my reach. I thought a life of peace, of strength, of abundance was for everyone else, NOT for me.

But then God changed EVERYTHING! He gave me the missing “PEACE” in my life. I discovered that He not only longed for me to experience spiritual healing, or even physical healing. In truth, He longed for me to experience emotional healing, too.

God showed me how to find balance in my emotions, how to sort through them effectively. He revealed to me my belovedness, taught me how I could love myself, and began to build in me a strong, solid sense of my identity in Christ. Amazingly, He showed me how I could build relationships that were safe, healthy, and abundant.

“Peace For A Lifetime” is the story of my broken path into healing and abundance. I could not have imagined how it has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families find peace for their lives, too.

[clickToTweet tweet="#PeaceForALifetime is the story of my broken path into healing and abundance. " quote="“Peace For A Lifetime” is the story of my broken path into healing and abundance. "]

Order Your Copy Here!

One Amazon reviewer described “Peace For A Lifetime’s” impact this way:

I now know what happened to me and I need healing and not 1000s of pills that never work, many doctors, shock treatments, millions of dollars my insurance has paid out for over 30 years to relive me of the pain. I can't calm myself or control my emotions, and what is more amazing solutions that really work, which I have never found in my life, until I read this book. You know me 100%. Father, I thank you for leading me to this wonderful book. I will always treasure the writer for finally setting me free from the darkness I have lived in since I was a child.

Another detailed:

What is my dream? Emotional Abundance! I can't explain impact, depth and soul searching that I encountered when reading Peace for a Lifetime. No matter what "group" that we had experienced AA-NA-CR-or one-on-one therapy Lisa makes you think... really think. My first read I rushed through and wanted more so back I went for my second read and WOW the light was shining brightly over my soul, spirit and brain and I dissected each chapter like a scientist would a project... but this was my project and chance to fulfill the questions and why's of my emotions. The section of building an emotional vocabulary is pure genius and I have already put this vocabulary to use along with the meanings of my emotions that I was otherwise blowing up or glossing over...Life Changing!!! Seriously... Life Changing! Thank You Lisa Murray! If you are looking for a roadmap to emotional peace, I pray if you haven’t read “Peace For A Lifetime” yet, you will get a copy TODAY!

Order Your Copy Here!

“Peace For A Lifetime” hit #5 on Amazon’s Best-Selling Christian Counseling List!

“Peace For A Lifetime” has a 5-star rating on Amazon!

The book has even been selected as a Featured Resource by the American Association of Christian Counselors!.

So what are you waiting for? If you or someone you know needs emotional healing from depression, anxiety, brokenness, addiction, relationship struggles, or spiritual questions, give them this book!

Since this week is the one-year anniversary of “Peace For A Lifetime’s” launch, I would also LOVE for you to share this on your social media channels.  Please consider the book for a group Bible study, as a resource in your church's library/bookstore, or as the topic for your women's retreats this year.  Our church's need resources to meet the emotional needs of its members.

This might be just the thing someone needs to read today!

Leave a comment, tag someone, or share the post this week, using the hashtag #PeaceForALifetime and you will be entered to win a FREE book!!!! 

Winner will be announced next week:)

Blessings,

Lisa

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

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Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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How I Stopped Faking It and Finally Got Real with God

How I Stopped Faking It and Finally Got Real with God

For most of my life the notion of victorious Christian living felt like a heavy weight against my chest. A trap. A burden. I would read about living victoriously, I heard more sermons that I could count on the topic, but to be honest, it always felt like a trick question, an undoable task, something I’d have to work for but really could never earn.

I knew I was supposed to see God as gracious and compassionate, the loving grandfather-image with long white robe gathering the children around, but it seemed strangely ironic that I would have to work so hard to experience a little bit of His compassion and mercy.

Everyone else seemed to be living the joy-filled Christian life. They were experiencing abundance in their Christian walk that I knew nothing of. I could tell something was off, but I had no idea how to achieve this life of faith except to work for it.

Performance became a drug. Somehow I felt powerful to control and claim my worth. It was an insatiable drive, an all-encompassing need to achieve, to earn, to prove myself in His presence. I didn’t realize until much later that performing took me farther away from His presence than I could ever imagine. It cost me the thing I longed for most – my relationship with God.

Somewhere in my incessant doing, as my wheels of striving became increasingly unhinged, I ultimately came to the end of my addiction. It was there I reached out for something different. I embraced some new principles that ultimately transformed my relationship with God. So here they are:

End My Relationship With “Shoulds,” “Ought-Tos” and “Musts"

For so long I felt horrific shame when I didn’t feel a sense of euphoria or joy at the thought of spending time with God. Good Christians should long to spend time with God, I thought. I ought to spend time with Him, I reasoned, though many times my heart wasn’t in it.

I chose instead to begin building my relationship with God on meaning. I got honest with myself and honest with God. I stopped pretending and started living authentically with Him. I stopped doing all the things I felt compelled to do but never really wanted to do. I stopped beating myself up for not being consistent with my quiet time.

From then on, I freed myself to simply enjoy being with Him. I discovered how to find meaning in the moments of His presence with no agenda, no lists, or excuses. In areas and moments I lacked desire, I simply prayed for God to fill me with His desire. I allowed myself to experience Him in ways that were meaningful to me, even if foreign at times. Whether a walk with Him through nature, a lovely melody of worship that echoed somewhere deep in my heart spaces, or whether it was sitting with Him as He healed old wounds that had been hidden by years of layered callouses, for the first time I allowed His presence to simply wash over me, and refresh me. I remembered that He loved me before I ever knew how to love Him.

Be Intentional with Gratitude

Brennan Manning describes gratitude this way:

The dominant characteristic of an authentic spiritual life is the gratitude that flows from trust — not only for all the gifts that I receive from God, but gratitude for all the suffering. Because in that purifying experience, suffering has often been the shortest path to intimacy with God.

I had grappled with gratitude for so long. It seemed I was always waiting to get to the other side of life’s trials to acknowledge His provision and His blessing in my life. I was holding my breath for this season of striving to pass to see the miracle, to give thanks, and to offer appreciation.

Lately I’ve begun to realize the power of gratitude in every moment on my journey. Whether in victory or in defeat, gratitude allows me to welcome all experiences into the fabric of my story and cultivate meaning from every encounter. Instead of seeing God as capricious and tempermental, I see Him now as a loving Father, intimately connected with every victory, every defeat, and equally tender and caring in every moment of my life. For now, the intentionality of gratitude means His presence is alive and thriving in my heart.

[clickToTweet tweet="The intentionality of gratitude means His presence is alive and thriving in my heart. " quote="The intentionality of gratitude means His presence is alive and thriving in my heart."]

Be Willing to Apologize – to Myself and to God

When I first stepped back from all of the ought-tos and musts and I discovered a quieting of some pressured spaces inside, I began to notice noisy thoughts flying wildly through my mind. These thoughts were cruel and punishing, relentless and terrible. These thoughts were about me, about everything I wasn’t, and nothing I could ever become. And for most of my life, I not only believed those thoughts, I also wholeheartedly believed those were the Father’s thoughts towards me.

You’ll never be good enough. You can’t get anything right. You’ll never be worthy, much less loved.

To be honest, I was bullying myself in a way that I would never allow another to be bullied.

It turns out I was also blaming God for how miserable I felt. I was insecure when I saw His favor in other people’s lives. I remained anxious, disconnected, and resentful because that somehow felt safer than allowing others to see how I really felt about God. I needed to keep my painful reality, my faulty faith hidden from the world, from myself, and from God.

When I began to risk getting honest and exposing the reality of my broken and bandaged self, I was freed from the prison of maintaining a crumbling façade. I was freed to apologize to myself and to God for my errant cruelty. I could stop pretending, performing, and perfecting, and get back to the basics of being, of living, of loving— myself and God. I could let go of what I thought a good Christian was because what I realized was that I didn’t need to be a good Christian as much as I needed to have a passionate connection with my Father.

I cannot do it on my own. I rest in His faithful provision to complete the work He has started, knowing that His work in my life is the ultimate gift of love.

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

The One Stress-Reducing Strategy That Is Guaranteed To Change Your Life

When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace.

~Author Unknown

I know. We like quick fixes. We like our pills.  We like anything we can passively do or take that will eliminate any amount of stress or anxiety in our lives.

However, there is a strategy that’s been around for ages that is proven to help lower our stress in minutes. It can be used anywhere, anytime. It’s free and, it comes without a prescription. It’s deep breathing.

Now most of you are rolling your eyes, conjuring images of pretzel-like yoga positions, or some kind of “New-Age” mumbo-jumbo. I know, I know. I thought that too, at first. But as someone with a long history of anxiety and panic disorder, deep breathing has given me back my life and empowered me to successfully deal with the stress life will always bring.

Deep breathing is our body’s internal thermostat, much like the thermostat in most of our homes. When our home’s temperature rises to a certain level, the air-conditioning kicks in and cools the home to its desired temperature. In a similar way, when our body’s internal temperature heats up, we can utilize deep breathing to lower the temperature inside our bodies to a more comfortable setting.

Science tells us that once we become stressed, our heart rate increases, sometimes dramatically.  Stress activates the sympathetic nervous system, increasing shallow, rapid breathing, which in turn raises our internal temperature. In contrast, slow, deep breathing actually stimulates the opposing parasympathetic reaction — the one that calms us down. “If you breathe correctly, your mind will calm down,” said Dr. Patricia Gerbarg, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at New York Medical College in a recent NY Times article.

Deep breathing targets the physical stress responses in our bodies and not only forces our heart rate to slow, but also helps our muscles to relax, keeping our brains both calm and connected. By slowing our heart rate, we lower our internal temperature and remain better able to productively reason through and find effective strategies to deal with any stressful situation. This is why deep breathing is the one proven strategy that is guaranteed to reduce your stress in minutes. So, here are some of the basics.

https://vimeo.com/202839108

1. Sitting upright or lying down, place your hands on your belly.
2. Slowly breathe in, expanding your belly, to the count of three.
3. Hold for a moment.
4. Slowly breathe out to the count of four.
5. The goal is to increase your breathing to a count of six. Practicing this for 10 to 20 minutes a day.

Practice this consistently, making sure that your breathing is deep from your belly rather than shallow, chest breathing, and you will discover a powerful tool that can be utilized anytime, anywhere, and in any situation. From the boardroom to the living room, from sitting at the dinner table to driving in the car, you can become intentional in your breathing and learn how to use deep breathing exercises to regulate your internal temperature and reduce stress.

If there is one tool that will increase your EI (emotional intelligence) and help you successfully manage life and relationships, deep breathing is that tool. Learn it. Practice it. Make it your “go-to” and you will find increased inner strength and greater peace.

[clickToTweet tweet="When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace. ~Author Unknown #PeaceForALifetime" quote="When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace. ~Author Unknown"]

Blessings,

Lisa

---

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

---

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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The One Thing Missing From The Conversation Over Immigration

And why it’s destroying any hope of unity for our nation 

I have read many things the past few days on social media. I have witnessed honest distress and confusion as well as mass hysteria and vitriolic rage at the recent executive order on immigration from the Middle East.

I have heard the question posed, What would Jesus do?

I’ve read quotes from the Statue of Liberty, Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore, denouncing any wall that would keep anyone from entering our great country.

I understand the heartache. I do. It is hard to know how to love well, where to serve, and what to give of ourselves to others. We all struggle to balance our responsibility to our families and our children with our great love and compassion to the least of these who are in desperate need in every corner of the globe.

How do we live out the Micah 6:8 command to, “Act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God?” Though it is a lifelong struggle, this is my guiding principle and the goal that I seek to model however imperfectly, and live out in my life.

Acting “justly” is defined by the King James Dictionary as, Conformity to law, justice or propriety; by right. The offender is justly condemned. The hero is justly rewarded, applauded or honored. 1. According to truth and facts. His character is justly described. 2. Honestly; fairly; with integrity; as, to do justly. 3. Properly; accurately; exactly. Mercy by definition implies, benevolence, tenderness, mildness, pity or compassion, and clemency, but exercised only towards offenders. Lastly, the term “humility” denotes, freedom from pride and arrogance; humbleness of mind; a modest estimate of one's own worth. In theology, humility consists in lowliness of mind; a deep sense of one's own unworthiness in the sight of God, self-abasement, penitence for sin, and submission to the divine will.

In this instance and in every situation in life, we will do well, we will find health as we seek to hold onto and pursue these three principles from Micah. Sadly, we live in a day of extremes. These extremes force us to believe the lie that if we hold one thing, that is the only virtue we can measure and pursue to the exclusion of all others. What is missing from our dialogue on immigration and on many other issues today is balance.

We are told often that if we are loving, we must only show love. We must cast aside any wisdom, any discernment, or justness. Likewise, we are taught that if we hold any virtues of truth, wisdom, etc., that we simply cannot be loving and compassionate, or show mercy to others. This is the great lie.

Dr. David Burns in his book “The Feeling Good Handbook,” a gold-standard in the field of psychology, discusses the danger of cognitive distortions and teaches individuals how to recognize and neutralize extreme “all-or-nothing”, “black-or-white” thoughts, as well as overgeneralizations, so that we can become balanced in our thinking and move forward in our lives in a non-reactive, thoughtful, productive way.

Not only do we use cognitive distortions in our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us, we use them in our perceptions of God as well. At times inclined to view the attribute of God we favor or with which we feel the most comfortable, we find ourselves ignoring or distorting the totality of God’s nature and His character.

We like to think of God as love. We feel comfortable with this attribute of His character, and indeed, He is love. Yet Scripture is clear, that God is also equally holy, just, merciful, and righteous. We cannot take Him or His character out of context and discover any truth, health, or wisdom for our lives.

The question becomes, Can we be loving, caring, compassionate individuals and have wise, thoughtful boundaries at the same time?

Is love and compassion mutually exclusive from wisdom and discernment?

Scripture commands us to be loving, to care for our neighbors, to serve the least of these. My prayer is that as Christ-followers we would lead the way in reaching out to be the hands and feet of Christ within our churches, our families, and our communities. I pray that we would move past the empty rhetoric we so widely hear from those around us who are first to protest and last to serve, first to riot and last to put their love into action; that we would live out the Great Commission because it is the call of our Master and we will do our best to serve Him faithfully.

I also pray that God would give us wisdom in equal measure, so that we will know where our love and compassion can be best utilized. I pray for discerning hearts and minds so that we can become passionate and purposeful in using our energies to serve others. I pray that we can know when our love isn’t loving, when our love has turned into enabling, or has become dangerous to others and ourselves.  I pray we would in all of our actions, find the place where justice, mercy, and humility can exist and grow together.

Resist the temptation to abandon one virtue in our fervor for another. Find balance in your thoughts and your emotions as you pursue justness, mercy, and humility.

Matthew 10:16 (KJV) tells us, Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove.

We can do both. We can hold the virtues of truth, justice, and wisdom together with love, mercy, and compassion. We can love wisely and well. We can. We must, if we are to find a path together, not only to heal the wounds of this great country, but to live out our life mission as Christ followers and spread the good news of salvation to every neighborhood and nation.

[clickToTweet tweet="We can hold the virtues of truth, justice, and wisdom together with love, mercy, and compassion." quote="We can hold the virtues of truth, justice, and wisdom together with love, mercy, and compassion."]

Blessings,

Lisa

---

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

---

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Five Powerful Resolutions To Unlock Your Personal Best This Year

 Here we go again. It’s only been a few weeks into this new year and I’ve been inundated with an onslaught of goals, expectations, and resolutions I should have for myself this coming year. Social media has bombarded me with posts about every program for weight loss, finances, wellness, speaking, writing, and relationships that promise me guaranteed success in just three easy steps and three easy payments.

How many of us have made heartfelt resolutions, set lofty goals in the early hours of the new year that we’ve never really gotten around to, eventually given up on, and somehow forgotten until next year rolls around and we find ourselves trying to remember what resolutions we made in the first place? Has anyone else had enough? I have.

Please forgive me, but I don’t want any more resolutions this year. I don’t need another weight on my shoulders. I can’t take the pressure, the guilt, or the remorse for what I didn’t do, didn’t accomplish, perhaps didn’t even remember.

What I am recognizing is that what I need most is quiet space. I need less pressure and more solitude. I need to exhale and to learn how to settle into each moment with more ease. I need to be a little more gentle with the broken parts of myself that are still healing and growing. I need more down time to re-teach the child in me how to dream, how to re-imagine the world, and how to color outside the lines. Perhaps I need to be reminded that indeed, it is okay to color outside the lines.

Somehow I think we all feel like the busyness of life is becoming too much. What we need most are not more resolutions, but more ways we can become un-burdened, un-ashamed, un-stressed, and un-afraid. So here are a few things I’m doing to push back from the pressure and make this year the year of un-resolutions.

1. Un-schedule yourself.

Take one thing off of your calendar each week. Find one chore, responsibility, errand, or meeting that you can remove from your schedule. Trust me, you’ll live even if the classroom cookies don’t get baked, if the house doesn’t get vacuumed, or the phone call doesn’t get returned right then.

We are all over-leveraged and over-scheduled. We are drowning in a sea of ‘musts.’ Pick something you can remove and begin to simplify and un-clutter your life.

2. Un-commit your children.

Find one activity, birthday party, or seasonal sport you can remove from your children’s schedule. Just say no. It’s easy, try it. Your kids won’t die. They won’t be rejected from Harvard.  

Your entire family will actually benefit from a simpler schedule that’s not so jam-packed. Everyone will experience less stress, less anxiety, and less depression.  Each family member can relax into a purposeful pace that allows them to define and nurture their natural talents as well as their highest priorities.

3. Un-attach technology.

Find pockets of time where you choose not to pick up your phone or tablet in order to mindlessly scroll through your favorite social media. Instead, breathe, and notice the scenery around you. Be mindful. Find peace in the silence.

When you feel the impulse to pick up your technology, simply make a choice not to. Notice how it feels. Create a sacred space where your heart and your mind can let go and recharge.

[clickToTweet tweet="Create a sacred space where your heart and your mind can let go and recharge. #peaceforalifetime" quote="Create a sacred space where your heart and your mind can let go and recharge."]

4. Un-plug the noise.

Have the family practice thirty minutes of silence every day. No television, no technology. Little ones can play quietly with toys or color. Older children can read, explore outdoors, or paint. Adults can enjoy a quiet moment with a cup of tea, find time to pray, take a walk, contemplate, or journal.

Everyone in the family benefits from being freed from their addiction to technology, music, and other external stimuli. Developing the ability to connect with ourselves, our environment, and our family members would not only strengthen communication and relationship skills, it would fundamentally enhance creativity and build core emotional resilience needed to successfully manage the pressures of day-to-day life.

5. Un-leash your faith.

Do something meaningful to engage your faith. Lean in. Surrender. Develop a relationship with God that you’ve been putting off or avoiding. Stop trying to live life being your own superhero. The truth is, you can’t.

Allow God to step in and rescue you. Let Him carry your heaviest burden and heal your deepest wound. Cultivate moments of joy and gratitude. Invest in love. Growing a deep connection with God will unleash a supernatural power and peace in every area of your life.

[clickToTweet tweet="Growing a deep connection with God will unleash a supernatural power and peace in every area of your life. " quote="Growing a deep connection with God will unleash a supernatural power and peace in every area of your life."]

What might happen if we all resisted the urge to grind out more resolutions this year and embraced a few of these “un-resolutions?” I believe we might just breathe better, live freer, and find more strength, more passion, and more hope than we could ever imagine.

Have you ever tried any of these “un-resolutions?” What kind of impact did it have on you or your family’s life? I’d love to hear!

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Let The Church Be The Church

An Open Letter To The Christian Community About Serving Those With Mental Illness

He came to live with us after a brief stay at a local psychiatric hospital. He needed a safe place to regroup and regain some semblance of stability. Over many months, his life had come haltingly unraveled and his hospital visit was the beginning of a new life with a new diagnosis.

His journey was a daunting one. The courage he displayed in facing his mental illness and finding his way back from the chaos to build a life of stability and hope was nothing short of inspirational. My heart aches to witness these beautiful, brave human beings fighting such a fierce and lonely battle.

Yet for many families dealing with mental illness within the Christian community, finding any kind of support or spiritual guidance can be challenging. Though I have been blessed to attend an incredibly strong and supportive church, according to Lifeway Research, most Protestant senior pastors (66 percent) seldom speak to their congregation about mental illness.

It is often common practice in churches to treat mental illness differently than other illnesses. Somehow we immediately assume there is something else, some deeper spiritual struggle causing the mental and emotional strain.

Maybe there is. But maybe there isn’t. We don’t automatically assume that someone with cancer is in sin or needs to be freed from a satanic attack. Why then do we label or minimize the legitimacy of mental illness?

LifeWay Research recently conducted a study on mental illness within the church and found that a third of Americans—and nearly half of evangelical, fundamentalist, or born-again Christians—believe prayer and Bible study alone can overcome serious mental illness. There are more than a few anecdotal stories from individuals in the church body who have been discouraged from taking psychotropic medications, some even being shamed for it, suggesting that seeking help for mental disorders represents spiritual weakness.

These teachings are disheartening because they prevent people from getting the help they desperately need. They also prevent the church from being what they were designed to be —the church.

Ed Stetzer noted, We can talk about diabetes and Aunt Mable’s lumbago in church—those are seen as medical conditions, but mental illness–that’s somehow seen as a lack of faith.

What the church needs to come to terms with and understand is that mental illness is not just a spiritual condition or weakness. These are real disorders with both biological and environmental causes. Those suffering shouldn’t be told to have more faith, to “get into the Word,” or to pray more. We would never say those kinds of things to those dealing with cancer, heart disease, or diabetes.

What those dealing with mental illness need most from the church is for us to be the hands and feet of Christ, ministering compassion, love and truth to a hurting world in need.

In Matthew 11:29 (NIV) Jesus says, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Jesus tells us that He is gentle and humble in heart. If we are to be His hands and feet, perhaps Jesus intends that we the church become gentle and humble in dealing with the mentally ill. He doesn’t intend for those in the body to add a heavier burden, but for us to be a safe refuge where the wounded and weary among us can find compassion and grace to strengthen them on their journey.

The church is well equipped to meet the needs of people in every kind of crisis. We are the first to arrive on the front lines of any disaster or war and the last to leave communities rebuilding after a crisis. We are generous beyond measure in our giving to individuals, organizations, and causes that routinely serve those in need. We know how to use the power of prayer to unleash the forces of heaven over any illness, relationship crisis, wayward child, or financial distress. We know how to care for people.

What would happen to those suffering from depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, or a host of other mental disorders if the body of Christ were to simply do the things we already know how to do so well?

We don’t have to cure those struggling with mental health issues. We shouldn’t feel compelled to fix them. Yet we can surely pray for them. We can walk with them. We can offer a meal, a ride, a cup of coffee, or a listening ear to them. Maybe we could babysit for them while they are at their counseling appointments. We in the church body could even begin a conversation about mental health needs that have been hidden in the shadows for far too long.

Churches need to become places where people feel welcomed to talk about their mental health. God wants the body to care for the whole person. and our emotional/mental struggles are such a huge part of our individual and collective journeys. Let’s share our struggles instead pretending they don’t exist. Let’s rejoice in our victories and grieve our relapses instead of judging them or quietly walking away. More than anything, let’s do this journey together. Isn’t that what we all need – to live and love, to serve and save, to rescue and reclaim our hearts together?

God loves all of His children. He has a purpose for each and every one. We should never need those who struggle with mental disorders to get “right,” so they can be used by God. Perhaps God wants to use them right where they are to teach us about perseverance, about courage, about faith. We would do well to learn and to listen.

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

The Way Of Faith In a PC World

Lately I’ve been feeling a tug somewhere deep within me. Really, it’s more than a tug and I’ve been feeling it for a while now. 

It was subtle, almost imperceptible at first. Yet the pull between worshipping God or worshipping the god of political correctness has become more critical and demanding, bringing with it both conviction and consequences.

I have been a Christ follower since the age of thirteen. My faith has been my foundation and guiding force in life. It informs everything I do —every conversation, every choice, relationship, interaction. My faith has always taught me to be respectful, kind, compassionate…as Jesus was.

So when the media began encouraging us to watch our words, to be “non-offensive,” I eagerly obliged. No problem. The rhetoric appeared very much in line with my values as a Believer.

They called it “political correctness,” a term adopted in the late 1970’s by feminists and progressives, “ironically, as a guard against their own orthodoxy in social change efforts." Though it wasn’t used frequently until the latter part of the 20^th century, the term has come to communicate a stronger social disapproval in more recent years than it did in its infancy.

It seemed benign. Political correctness is defined in modern usage as, language, policies, or measures which are intended not to offend or disadvantage any particular group of people in society. That sounds great, right? Who wants to offend or disadvantage?

With this new term came a new set of speech codes researched by University of Pennsylvania professor Alan Charles Kors and lawyer Harvey A. Silverglate that, mandate a redefined notion of ‘freedom,’ based on the belief that the imposition of a moral agenda on a community is ‘justified’, a view which, requires less emphasis on individual rights and more on assuring ‘historically oppressed’ persons the means of achieving equal rights.

The Subtle Surrender

So little by little, like the slow drip of a faucet, we were instructed by political and/or cultural forces on the areas we, the general public, were disrespecting or “offending” an individual or group. Whether it was through the names we used to identify ethnicities or groups of people, or whether it was in the laws passed to protect disadvantaged groups, we quietly acquiesced. No sense in making a big fuss, we thought.

When the elimination of God in our schools, communities, or public squares began and the ACLU began filing lawsuits at every statue, monument, or prayer in order not to offend anyone, we became slightly uncomfortable. We consoled ourselves with the notion that our values and beliefs were the foundation of our country and would surely never be dismantled. Why fight back? That’s not the “Christian” way. God is in control anyway, we quietly repeated.

Inside, I felt the pull. The pull between my faith and this new faith, this new religion. Religion, according to Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary is defined as,  A personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices;
a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith.

Political correctness has become the religion of the 21^st century. Its system of attitudes and practices, worshipped with as much devotion as any traditional religion, has transformed the landscape of American culture and infiltrated every aspect of society.

Throughout the years what began as a program fostering respect has become anything but respectful. Somewhere along the way, encouragements have become commands, and the rhetoric every day appears less tolerant and inclusive, more demanding and punitive. The delineation between love and hate would seem crystallized around one’s agreement or disagreement with established, modern dogmas or theologies.

Don’t agree with their agenda? You will be immediately labeled and denounced. Want to live in a way that honors traditional values and beliefs? You might just lose your job, your business, and you may be targeted with ridicule and condemnation.

There is coming a day friends, perhaps it has already arrived, when we who identify as Believers will have to choose. We will no longer be able to straddle the fence, we won’t be able to find a comfortable spot in the warm shade of grey. For the grey areas of life are shrinking rapidly.

As I’ve contemplated the tug in my heart, the increasing and unrelenting pressure inside, I’ve recognized that it is shaking me out of any dull, comfortable slumber in which I had previously existed. It is forcing me to face myself, face my God, and define in the clearest, strongest fashion my ‘faith manifesto,’ —the who, the what, my life is going to stand and how I am going to engage all people in a way that is congruent with my beliefs and values, that is born from my deepest commitment to God.

The Way of Faith

So here it is - as perfectly imperfect, at times broken and unsteady as the journeyer writing this can be. Yet hopefully this will give clarity and wisdom to my steps and my words for the days that lie ahead.

1.I will passionately live out my faith. I will follow God alone. I will lay hold of and live out my beliefs and values not through the media, the persuasion of public opinion, or the fear of ridicule. I will define the principles by which I live through the Bible and the Holy Spirit, who is my Comforter, my Teacher, my Counselor, my Encourager, my Friend.

Scripture says, If you love me, keep my commands. Though I will be an imperfect warrior, a broken and flawed vessel, my heart is to seek Him, worship Him, and serve Him above all.

2.  I will offer love. In the clinical world we use a term called ‘unconditional positive regard.’ What that means is that whoever walks through my door, wherever their background, whatever their color, conviction, or creed, I will show unconditional positive regard. I will see their humanity just as mine and will humbly and gratefully walk with them along their journey. The word ‘love’ means, a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion; and unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.

John 13:34 (NIV) says, A new commandment I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

John 13:35 (NIV,) By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

[clickToTweet tweet="John 13:35 (NIV,) By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." quote="John 13:35 (NIV,) By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."]

3.  I will be a safe place. I don’t need everyone to agree with me. I am free to hold and live out my values and beliefs while being close to someone who may or may not be just like me. I don’t need others to validate my identity, spiritual or emotional. I don’t need others to make it ‘safe’ for me or my views, and still, as a consequence of my safety, I can offer safety to those with whom I am in relationship.

Scripture says, It is His lovingkindness that leads to repentance. In the counseling office, no one experiences transformation in a hostile, unsafe environment. It is the essence of safety that allows individuals to open themselves, their deepest wounds, and experience insight, light, and life.

4.  I will show respect. Respect is, an act of giving particular attention: consideration; high or special regard: esteem; the quality or state of being esteemed. Respect simply means I show others consideration, esteem, kindness. Respect is not offered as a reward for respect shown to me. I do my best to respect others because that is who I am. Christ-followers should be the model for transformed lives.

I Peter 2:17 encourages us to, Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor. The second commandment from Mark 12:31(NIV) says that we are to, love our neighbor as our self. Be with your neighbor. Don’t isolate from them. Consider them. Help them. Respect them. Love them.

5.  I will not judge the person. We were all created in the image of God. We are each wholly and divinely loved by God. Our worth was settled at our creation. In judging another’s character, value, or inherent worth, I judge and condemn my own. I will do my best to show honor and respect to others, whether I agree with them or not, whether they judge me or not.  

Matt 7:1-2 (NIV) tells us, Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

6. I will judge behaviors. We all judge behaviors. It seems that a convenient and powerful tool of the PC culture has been to quote Matthew 7:1 that we should, judge not lest we be judged. Unfortunately, many who don’t fully understand Scripture remain silenced and/or sidelined by that passage. Scripture is clear that we should not judge (condemn the worth, value, or character of) another individual. And Scripture is equally clear that we as Believers should judge (discern, declare, assess) that which is right or wrong, that we are to distinguish between that which is righteous and congruent with the Word of God, and that which is in error or rebellion to God.

YES, we are to judge – the behavior, not the person. I will never call sin un-sin. I will never, whether mine or another’s, applaud the willful rejection of that which is true, noble, and of good report. I will never call wrong right. I cannot.

John 7:24 (ESV) offers, Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.

Colossians 1:9(NIV) shares, For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives.

Amos 5:14-15 tells us to, Seek good, and not evil, that ye may live: and so the LORD, the God of hosts, shall be with you, as ye have spoken. Hate the evil, and love the good, and establish judgment in the gate: it may be that the LORD God of hosts will be gracious unto the remnant of Joseph.

2 Timothy 4:2 (NIV) states that we should, Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.

Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) offers, Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Worshipping the god of political correctness is dangerous precisely because there is no concrete declaration of what their mission looks like in its entirety or when it will be accomplished. It is ever-evolving, always changing. PC will simply demand a little more, and a little more, until there are no moral absolutes, no sin, no aberrant, no abnormal, where there is no need for God, no need for redemption, no need for a Savior.

Matthew 6:24a (NIV) says, No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.

Whom will you choose to worship? When it comes down to it, will you choose to worship Yahweh or the god of this age.

Hebrews 13:8 (NIV) says, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. His truth doesn’t bend or pretend based on popularity or fame. It doesn’t cater to, nor does it sanctify tickling rhetoric or political agendas just to be en vogue. God is love, yet He is at the same time holy, righteous, and just. He is beautiful and unequalled. He has made a way for each of us to escape the consequence of our broken, sinful nature —His name is Jesus. He died for you and me. He can heal the deepest heartaches and mend our broken, wayward ways. He is good and yes, He is God.

[clickToTweet tweet="Hebrews 13:8 (NIV) says, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. " quote="Hebrews 13:8 (NIV) says, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. "]

The Good News

We have a choice and an opportunity. The good news is that the more polarized society becomes, there is less room for a casual faith, less space for half-hearted sentiment or generic tradition. The good news is that anytime, any place we can claim our faith and begin to pursue a passionate journey with God.

[clickToTweet tweet="The good news is that we can claim our faith and begin to pursue a passionate journey with God." quote="The good news is that anytime, any place we can claim our faith and begin to pursue a passionate journey with God."]

Emotionally-abundant individuals know their spiritual and emotional identity and choose to live congruent with their beliefs and values. This gives strength, it provides meaning, it amplifies purpose. A “pick-and-choose faith” has no foundation and is destined for weakness and/or collapse.

As the tug between worshiping God or the god of political correctness becomes more uncomfortable and untenable, we have the opportunity to get off the sidelines of our faith. We can live out passionately a strong faith that embodies truth and love, is wrapped in compassion, respect, and kindness. True faith never advocates hatred- period.

Pastor Rick Warren beautifully summarizes this truth as he states,

Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.

Have you felt the tug? How is God challenging you to a stronger faith?

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Are You Stuck In A Waiting Season?

Are you stuck in the "in-between?"  Do you feel lost at times knowing what step to take and where to go?    

We've all been there.  It doesn't make it any easier.  The waiting can be unbearable, interminable.  What do you do?  Here a few things NOT to do when you are living "in the meantime."  Read more here---

Have a great week!

Blessings,

Lisa

Why Haters Need Better Boundaries

The election season is underway. If you live in the States, you’ve seen the ads, the debates, all analyzed by political pundits of every persuasion. Perhaps like me, you’ve seen heated arguments taking place on Facebook and wonder how people think it is permissible to share their perspectives in such an offensive and degrading way? 

These seasons seems to bring out the worst in us as human beings.

Over the months as I have waded through so much “spin” and political “talking points,” there is one focus that stands out, perhaps because of the psychotherapist in me. I am trained to view everything through the lens of emotional and spiritual health.

Though I may or may not agree with their political viewpoints, I can tolerate many different perspectives. Yet when I began to hear politicians and news media infer that the difference between the two political parties is “love” vs. “hate,” that anyone who believes in the rule of law is a racist or a hater, uncompassionate and cruel, that begins to raise my dander a bit.

The argument seems to be, if you want to be compassionate or show love to someone, you are allowed no boundaries. Likewise the logic follows that if you have any boundaries, you are mean-spirited and hate-filled. Nothing could be further from the truth, not just from a religious perspective, but from a psychological and emotional perspective as well.

A few months ago I wrote an article about the dangers of enabling others and how we can maximize peace in all of our relationships. You can read the article here.  

One of the most fundamental building blocks in relationships is boundaries.

Our world was designed with boundaries. Every cell in your body has a cell wall that differentiates and protects the cell, allowing that cell to serve its role as part of the whole. Every organ in your body has a physical boundary that allows them to perform their vital function working together to keep the body working properly. If our bodies had no physical or cellular boundaries, they would be a chaotic mess that would not conducive for maintaining life.

Boundaries don’t equate with hate.

Boundaries are not bad. They are good. Boundaries help define where we end and others begin. They help identify what is our responsibility and what is another’s responsibility. They give clarity, purpose, and wisdom.

I even have a chapter in by new book, Peace For A Lifetime, devoted to boundaries. You can learn more about my book here.

I want to challenge you that the very essence of emotional health or “differentiation” as we call it, is the ability to hold onto ourselves, our viewpoints, our identity, our beliefs and values, while being close to those who may or may not be just like us.

Boundaries free me from forcing another to abandon themselves to me;  they also free me from being forced to abandon myself to them in a relationship.

Tom Whitehead, a therapist and researcher offered, “A well-functioning boundary system leads to a healthy, fulfilling life. But dysfunctional boundaries leave us vulnerable and disorganized, incapable of coping with life’s simple problems.”

Families have boundaries, companies have boundaries, nations should and do have boundaries. Our nation’s boundaries are called laws. Laws are a necessary part of every civilization and prevent the country from descending into chaos and anarchy. Laws are written and enforced to protect its citizens and ensure safety within the country’s borders.

And yes, Jesus had boundaries. He knew when it was purposeful to minister and when it was not. He knew when He needed to withdraw to spend time alone with the Father. He was unafraid to call out religious leaders or prostitutes about their sin. Jesus was not a hater. He spoke the truth in love. He didn’t bend the truth for love.

[clickToTweet tweet="Jesus was not a hater. He spoke the truth in love. He didn’t bend the truth for love." quote="Jesus was not a hater. He spoke the truth in love. He didn’t bend the truth for love."]

Love without boundaries is chaos. Boundaries without love is abuse.

[clickToTweet tweet="Love without boundaries is chaos. Boundaries without love is abuse." quote="Love without boundaries is chaos. Boundaries without love is abuse."]

Where Two Roads Meet

It is critical to understand that it is possible and I would say, necessary, for us as individuals and as a nation learn to do both —to hold our boundaries with compassion and love. This is the place where two roads meet. This is the perfect example of Jesus. This is not hate-filled, racist, or anything other than Emotional Abundance. In fact, the better-equipped we are at drawing healthy boundaries, the greater our capacity to show love and compassion to others.

Are you able to discipline your children with both compassion and consequences?

Are you able to love family members, even though you disagree with them?

Is it difficult for you to show respect and kindness while drawing boundaries in order to protect or keep your family safe?

Do you find it hard to listen to another person’s perspective without becoming enraged and losing yourself in the argument?

Do you shy away from speaking your perspective for the sake of keeping the peace?

Find one person this week with whom you can listen, engage, and respect even though they may have differing opinions, thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. Begin to recognize moments where you begin to escalate. Why are you escalating? Would it be possible to calm yourself and keep yourself safe right in that moment?

I believe strongly that healing for our country will come only when we stop talking AT one another, berating and demonizing one another, and begin sitting WITH one another. This allows us to nurture a greater amount of respect for those with whom we disagree.

[clickToTweet tweet="Healing will come only when we stop talking AT one another and begin sitting WITH one another. " quote="Healing will come only when we stop talking AT one another and begin sitting WITH one another. "]

It really comes down to us.

Will you make your goal this political season to refrain from name-calling, belittling, and demonizing others and instead try to learn a little about their story and why they believe the way they do?

Agree to disagree in love. Hold your beliefs and values with compassion for others.

In the end, our nation will be the one who wins. Our neighborhoods will win.  In the end, maybe it's all of us who will win.  Will you join me?

If you haven't joined our community on Facebook, I would LOVE to have you be a part of our little online family!

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

---

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Eight Qualities of People with Emotional Abundance

Ever wonder why some people seem to excel at whatever they do while others can never seem to get a break? It seems some people always have a knack of fitting-in, knowing just the right thing to say, getting every promotion and accolade as their careers skyrocket. Yet for others life feels more like a continuous rollercoaster of dysfunction and chaos, with roadblocks at every turn.

Why do so many of us feel like our lives have landed somewhere between a dead-end and a disaster? Why does success in life seem to come easily for some, while for others  always feels decidedly out of reach?

The reason is based in our intelligence, but not our intellectual intelligence, or IQ. That’s what Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., well-known writer and researcher on leadership who wrote the best-seller Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, says. Goleman has dedicated his work to finding out what makes people successful.

His research has concluded that success in life comes down to their emotional intelligence or what I call ‘Emotional Abundance.’ That’s what drives a person to excel. In fact, 80% of a person’s success in life is determined by their emotional skills while 20% is determined by their intellect.

As Goleman describes, If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.

So if Emotional Abundance is so important, exactly what is it? As I define in my new book, Peace For A Lifetime, Emotional Abundance is:

The ability to feel our emotions, to reason through our emotions, to understand our emotions, and to effectively manage our emotions so we can appropriately respond to the people and circumstances around us. EA is the capacity to meet the demands of everyday life and create meaning in order to move forward in a positive direction.

I’ve found eight qualities in Emotionally-Abundant people that are essential not just for our careers, but for being able to successfully navigate through life and relationships.

They’re more self-aware.

Individuals with Emotional Abundance are able to accurately self-reflect. They know their personality, their core strengths and weaknesses, as well as environments that will bring out the best in them. They don’t allow their weaknesses to hold them back. Rather than beating themselves up for what they don’t know or struggle to do well, they focus on creating strategies to improve skill sets so they can achieve their goals.

They live with balance.

Because they have a high level of self-awareness, they instinctively know how to cultivate and maintain balance in their lives. Whether at work or in their personal lives, they understand how to take care of themselves well in order to be the best they can be in every area of life. They eat well, get plenty of rest, and foster interests outside of work to establish and enjoy a greater sense of wellbeing.

They’re not perfectionists.

While Emotionally-Abundant individuals are highly motivated and accomplished, they recognize that perfection is impossible. Instead of creating an impossible cycle of unrealistic expectations followed by frustration and shame, they focus their energies on doing their best, maintaining flexibility, and learning from their mistakes.

They’re curious about life.

They’ve learned to cultivate an appreciation for varied and unique experiences. They are curious and passionate, knowing how to explore and learn new concepts and skills. Their curiosity makes them equally open to asking questions as well as to adapting to new solutions. Curious people are delightful people who haven’t lost their innate sense of wonder in a complex world of responsibilities.

They’re empathetic with others.

An essential quality of EA, individuals are well-skilled in their ability to relate to others. They can listen, understand, and be empathetic with others thoughts, feelings, and experiences, which allows them to reduce miscommunication and conflict both in the workplace and in personal relationships.

They’re growth-oriented.

They aren’t afraid of change. Because they are open to learning new things, they embrace growth as a necessary and important part of life. They are eager to accept challenges and usually adapt well even under difficult circumstances. In seeing the bigger picture, they can mobilize internal strategies to adjust and energize around new problems and circumstances.

They’re grateful.

Living with gratitude has an enormous impact on our level of Emotional Abundance. People who have a grateful disposition look for things big and small for which they can be thankful. They are generally satisfied with life and rarely allow negative feedback or people to influence their lives or their decisions.

They bring out the best in others.

Because they are at peace with themselves, people with EA are able to see coworkers and friends not as threats, but as assets. They do not feel the need to be defensive with others, but instead create a safe environment in which others can thrive. They love to see others reach their potential and are motivated by cooperation rather than competition.

How many of these qualities are you able to identify? Do some seem to come naturally while others seem overwhelming?

The best news about Emotional Abundance is that it can be cultivated and nurtured throughout our lives. Where we are today does not have to determine our future.

The more we grow Emotional Abundance in our lives, the more stable, positive, and productive our lives become, and the less chaotic, reactive, and hopeless our relationships feel. This is the single greatest area we could invest in for ourselves, our children, and our futures so that we can achieve our best life.

If you haven't joined our community on Facebook, I would LOVE to have you be a part of our little online family!

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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The Journey To Becoming His Beloved

I'm so blessed to be sharing today at

(in)courage.me !

I was always an anxious kid. I cried at my first piano recital and begged not to play. I finally relented and played anyway. I was permanently attached to my mom’s leg whether we were at church, at school, or even the grocery store.

There was no end to what I was afraid of. I was afraid of the monsters in the closet, afraid of my teachers, afraid of the popular kids in school. I was afraid of myself, of being rejected, of being ridiculed, of not being enough. And as I realized much later, I was also afraid of God... 

I'd love to have you stop by and read more of my story. If you are encouraged, I'd love for you to share!

Read More

Sign up here to receive free daily encouragement from the writers of (in)courage, sent right to your inbox!  

Blessings, friends!

Lisa

Four Key Elements To Discovering Your Purpose

And how to make the days ahead the most meaningful ever 

Delores had always been a vibrant, passionate woman. She had been active in her church, taught Bible studies for more years than she could remember, and routinely invested herself in the lives of the women she taught.

Sitting with her, her eyes welled up with tears. She seemed lost.

Ever since she retired and relocated to be near her children, she hadn’t been able to find a church community in which to invest herself. Every church already had their programs, their teachers. Her children and their families were busy with their lives and she struggled to nurture the kind of relationships she had always dreamed of with her grandchildren.

Her husband was now passed and this woman who had lived with such strength, passion, and purpose, now struggled to make sense of her life. She ached to have a place to plant herself. Her spirit was parched for soil in which she would thrive. Lonely, she began to sink into depression. Was this it?, she wondered. Was there a purpose at all to her life? 

Katie is in her late 20’s. Though she has a job, she longs to find her purpose in life – God’s unique calling to which she can dedicate her life. She searches to find her purpose every day in her career and her relationships, yet ends up feeling more confused and farther from her pursuit than ever.

Without a compass to give stability, direction, and meaning, she remains locked in a cycle of emptiness and wandering. Some days life feels overwhelming, almost unbearable.

Most of us can recall similar feelings at some point in our lives—the emptiness, the yearning, the confusion, the lacking, and the depression. They all merge together, and they always seem to present themselves in the dimmest moments of twilight.

We all need purpose. 

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian existential psychologist, created a school of thought called logotherapy. Frankl believed that our dominant driving force is to find meaning in life.

In the 1940s, Frankl was held prisoner in Nazi concentration camps. He felt the horror of losing everything only to be tortured and terrorized. With all the agony and brutality, what kept Frankl from giving up his relentless fight for his life?

Purpose. He was able to find meaning in his struggle, and that’s what gave him the power to push forward through unimaginable pain.

After escaping the concentration camps, Frankl published a book called Man’s Search for Meaning, which explores his experiences and includes an overview of logotherapy. A quote by Nietzsche nicely sums up his philosophy on how people were able to survive the camps, without losing the will to live:

He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.

[clickToTweet tweet="'He who has a 'why' to live for can bear almost any 'how'.' Viktor Frankl" quote="'He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.' Viktor Frankl"]

That is the power of purpose. We can find meaning and purpose in our relationships, we can find it in our values and beliefs. We can find purpose in our relationship with God, and we can explore our God-given passions to cultivate potential purposes for our lives.

In my book, Peace For A Lifetime, I explore three things that must align for you to discover your purpose: identity, beliefs and values, and passions. However, there’s one vital piece to the purpose puzzle that’s missing.

God’s purpose will always be connected with giving, not getting.

We tend to look for something external that will provide direction or purpose, that will fill the void inside. It’s counter-intuitive, but our search for purpose will emerge from what we are giving of ourselves to others.

Viktor Frankl describes,

Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself.

Do you want to be loved? Love someone. Would you like more joy in your life? Give joy to people. Sounds so simple, right? The more we learn to serve others, the more fulfilled and satisfied we become.

[clickToTweet tweet="Do you want to be loved? Love someone. Would you like more joy in your life? Give joy to people." quote="Do you want to be loved? Love someone. Would you like more joy in your life? Give joy to people."]

God’s purpose will always align with how He has made us.

As we define our identity (our core strengths and weaknesses) and our most deeply held beliefs and values, our curiosities used in service to others will explode into a relentless passion that emerges into a vibrant dynamic purpose.

1. Know your identity – write down a list of strengths and weaknesses.
2. Define your beliefs and values – write down your beliefs about life, faith, relationships, work.
3. Explore your passions – write down a list of things that interest you or make you curious.
4. How can you use the above three to serve a cause, a person, a community, or an organization other than yourself?

Once you identify these things, you will have a map to begin discovering your purpose. It may not include fame, it may not have a giant salary attached to it; it may be different than you had ever dreamed. Yet finding and engaging the purpose for which you were created will provide the greatest meaning and satisfaction you can imagine.

Do you enjoy talking with people? Where can you begin volunteering to talk or read with people who perhaps are lonely and would love a good conversation?

Do you enjoy cooking? How can you identify individuals, families, or organizations within your community for whom you can begin cooking meals?

Are you gifted at teaching, writing, organizing, helping? There is no right or wrong. Get creative and try out several things.

Your purpose today may look different than it did twenty years ago. God is always growing us to develop new passions and purposes for every season of our lives.

Explore the things you love today and begin to look for ways you can use your gift to bless someone. In the end, you will be giving yourself the biggest blessing of all. You will be living your life on purpose with purpose.

How have you struggled to find your purpose in life? What is God showing you about Himself and about you along your journey? 

I’d love to hear!

If you haven't joined our community on Facebook, I would LOVE to have you be a part of our little online family!

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

---

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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What To Do When Bad Things Happen and We’re Rocked To The Core

We’ve all experienced tragedies beyond our control that seemingly come from nowhere. They devastate us, they rock us to the core, they leave us feeling too overwhelmed and disoriented to muster the courage to get up and face this big, chaotic world for another day. Sometimes it seems it would be easier just to stay in bed and pull the covers up high so we can pretend that nothing at all has happened. Perhaps this was just a bad dream after all.

It seems the magnitude and frequency of tragedies in society today challenges our deepest emotional and spiritual fortitude. Are we safe? we wonder. Will it ever end? How do we make sense of all this anguish and terror? What do we do to keep moving forward?

These questions reverberate in our souls. We can ignore them, we can push them into the shadowy corners of our minds, but when another tragedy happens, when another life is senselessly lost, they reappear and force us to face this harsh reality once again.

Whether it is a national tragedy, whether it is a tragedy in our communities or in our homes, the reality is that bad things will happen. They are an inevitable part of life this side of heaven. I’ve found four things we can do when we are faced with tragedy so we can move forward productively in our lives, no matter the circumstance.

Recognize the need to feel your emotions.

Though we may not have been directly affected, sometimes we experience significant emotions in response to tragedies around us. We are tempted to run, to distract ourselves, to minimize the importance of what we are feeling. We dismiss. Sometimes we shame. Sometimes all we feel is the numbness of the shock.

Because Ecclesiastes 3:4 (NIV) tells us that , There is a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance, we know that it is important to allow ourselves to connect with and feel our emotions. We cannot heal if we cannot feel. It is a requirement for us to deal with all of the tragedies in life, to grieve them, and be able to move forward from them so we can rebuild our lives as well as our sense of direction and purpose. We must grieve each and every loss. We need to grieve.

[clickToTweet tweet="We must grieve each and every loss. We need to grieve." quote="We must grieve each and every loss. We need to grieve."]

Learn to talk ourselves off of the ledge.

Extreme thoughts bounce around in the confines of our minds. They are relentless. They tell us that we are next, that there is nowhere safe, that this would have never happened if…. These thoughts are normal in the context of our grieving, yet it is vital to recognize our deepest heart-fears and learn to talk ourselves through them to a better place.

2 Corinthians 10:5b says that, we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Not every thought that flows through our minds is true, not every thought is rational, good, or balanced. We must learn how to balance our thoughts, how to soothe our fears. We must become practiced at maintaining a hopeful, truthful dialogue with ourselves. Doing so will prepare us to live life to its fullest and be as grounded as possible for whatever challenges will come.

Choose to cultivate meaning and purpose in our lives.

Viktor Frankl once described how Holocaust survivors were able to endure their horrific suffering because they were able to find meaning and purpose for their lives and their suffering. Their faith gave them a greater foundation for deeper understanding and human compassion.

We can never prevent evil men from committing evil acts. In the midst of our sorrow, we can choose to allow these situations to transform our faith and take us into deeper communion with God. We can glean every measure of meaning possible from these horrific, violent experiences and honor the beautiful lives lost with the gift of remembering them, their stories, their accomplishments and their humanity. We can bind ourselves together and corporately purge the evil residue of hatred and sorrow to create a greater vision and purpose. 

Release to God what we cannot control.

Tragedies serve as a reminder that so much in life is beyond our control. As advanced as our technologies have become, as sophisticated as modern systems of reasoning and understanding have brought us, in the end, there is nothing that can entirely protect us or prevent future tragedies from happening.

We will drive ourselves to despair trying to control that which is helplessly out of our control. Part of being able to move past our grief and rebuild our lives lies in releasing to God the things we cannot clutch, force, or mend. The more we are able to exhale and surrender our fear, the more we will be able to heal what has been torn into a thousand pieces and begin to reclaim our future the best way we know how. Surrender allows us to move further towards acceptance as we gather together the pieces of sorrow and joy, and begin to once again take steps forward towards life. Life will come again. Though it will never look quite the same, in time life will come.

[clickToTweet tweet="Life will come again. Though it will never look quite the same, in time life will come." quote="Life will come again. Though it will never look quite the same, in time life will come."]

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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When You’re Ready To Run, But God’s Called You To Rest

Lately I feel like I’ve been running at full speed for, well it seems like forever, and I just hit a brick wall. 

Do you ever have those times? Times when you’ve finished a project or season God called you to, and just in the moment when you are ready to dive headlong into the next mission, when you can feel the adrenaline pumping full-force through your veins, He calls you to rest.

Rest in those moments feels nothing like rest. It feels like it felt as a child when I was relegated to my room for an interminable period of quiet, as a time-out from everything I was really wanting to do. Forced seclusion.

What does a body do with four walls and a mind that won’t stop thinking, looking for the next need, the next mission as if the world will come unhinged if something gets overlooked or worse yet, undone?

So here’s where I am. I have to admit my soul is stirring, there’s a lot of heart work to do out there. My calling, my passion is to walk with people on their journeys. I can see the heartache. I can feel the overwhelmed, anxious helplessness as if it is stirring through my veins. And yet the word I hear God whispering today is…rest.

Rest? How can I rest when there is so much to be done?

And then I heard Him whisper to my heart,

Rest, because I need you to rest. To find rest. To find Me. To just be with Me. You are right, my child, there’s a whole big world out there that’s desperate for more than you can give. It’s okay. I see them, too. I haven’t forgotten. I haven’t overlooked.

Trust that I am big enough to notice all of the discouragement, to see every soul who despairs. I see the broken, the exhausted, the battle-weary, the cynical, the eyes filled with anger for all of the injustice. I see the oceans full of disappointed dreams and calloused, dulled hopes. I see you.

Trust that in your rest I am nurturing something new. Your rest is required. Your rest is the next step on your journey. Not a place of punishment, not a time-out, but a carefully designed respite with Me, to simply be with you and enjoy you. To celebrate, to laugh. To share stories in the twilight and notice the sunset together. I see you.

Trust that you are enough. Just as you are. You are significant because I formed you in your mother’s womb. You are cherished because I planned you long before the foundation of the universe. You are beautiful and yes, worthy. You are more than a daughter, more than a wife, more than a friend, a worker, a hope-giver, or a dreamer. You are My Beloved. I see you.

[clickToTweet tweet="You are more than a daughter, more than a wife, more than a friend, a hope-giver, or a dreamer. You are My Beloved. " quote="You are more than a daughter, more than a wife, more than a friend, a worker, a hope-giver, or a dreamer. You are My Beloved. I see you."]

So wherever you are today, whatever season of silence you are wading through, whatever hopes and dreams hang in the balance… rest. Trust that God notices you on your knees crying out to Him in the sleepless nights. Trust that He’s well-acquainted with your most tender, swollen wounds. Trust that He sees you right where you are, just as you are. You are precious to Him. He wants to give you new life, new hope, new peace. More than anything else, He wants to give you…Himself.

[clickToTweet tweet="He wants to give you new life, new hope, new peace. More than anything else, He wants to give you…Himself." quote="He wants to give you new life, new hope, new peace. More than anything else, He wants to give you…Himself."]

I can’t think of anything else I need more today.

How is God calling you to Himself today? What is one thing you can do today to find rest?

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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