Alcohol Addiction Recovery: 8 Critical Commitments to Minimize Relapse

One of the toughest challenges anyone in recovery from alcohol addiction will face is relapse. While no one wants to consider relapse as a likelihood for themselves or their loved ones, relapse is common. According to a 2014 studyin the JAMA, between 40-60 percent of people who have been treated for alcoholism relapse within a year. Even those with years of sobriety can resume self-destructive drinking they never thought would be possible.

To understand why relapse occurs as well as what individuals can do to minimize relapse, it is vital to look at several key contributors to addiction that can prove challenging to anyone’s recovery. One important component in the overall struggle for sobriety is brain chemistry. Alcohol usage releases dopamine in the reward pathway of the brain, dopamine being a neurotransmitter that helps regulate the brain’s reward and pleasure centers as well as its emotional responses.

Dr. Marvin Seppala, Chief Medical Officer at the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation in Center City, MN describes, [Brain chemistry] can affect alcoholics and addicts to the point their brains re-prioritize what’s most important, such as eating and survival. The drug use becomes recognized by the brain as more important than survival itself. It is almost unfathomable that the survival instinct could be superseded by something else.  Trying to understand what it looks like is hard. People will risk their lives to keep using drugs [and alcohol.]

Relapse also occurs because triggers to addictive behaviors are everywhere around the alcoholic, making the cravings difficult to push away. Those in recovery often find themselves in the same environments surrounded by the same people who either supported or enabled their addiction. Likewise, many in recovery lack healthy emotional coping strategies to deal with the stresses of life or overcome the cycle of shame that entraps them.

All of these factors create a complex and challenging path towards recovery for anyone trying to find freedom from alcohol addiction. While they may seem overwhelming, these factors are not insurmountable.  

Here are several critical commitments for individuals in recovery to avoid relapse and discover the life of sobriety and wholeness God has for them.

1. Join a support group. 

Participating in a support program such as Celebrate Recovery or Alcoholics Anonymous provides a foundation that helps people maintain sobriety. Support groups provide a safe place where members can be honest about their struggle, and can find both accountability and support through the cravings, crises, and challenges of building a new life without alcohol. Working through the 12 steps gives a pathway to insight, understanding, healing, and change in an alcoholic’s life and relationships.  CLICK TO TWEET

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10(ESV)

2.  Surround yourself with healthy people. 

If those in recovery continue to hang out with other drinkers, relapse is likely. Sobriety works best when a person can surround themselves with other sober people who are working toward a better life, says Lisa Boucher,RN and author of Raising the Bottom: Making Mindful Choices in a Drinking Culture. The sense of euphoria we experience during the initial stages of recovery can create a sense of overconfidence, leading us to believe that we are impervious to the negative influences of others. 

For the greatest chance at long-term sobriety, surround yourself with sober friends from support group meetings, people from Bible study, church; people from work; family, neighbors, or friends. They will nurture and strengthen a lifestyle without alcohol.

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14 (ESV)

But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with sucha one. I Corinthians 5:11(ESV)

3.  Mind your HALT. 

This acronym, well-known in the recovery community, means people should not get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired, any of which can lead to relapse. Learning how to be in tune with and care for our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs can prevent instances of distress that can lead to triggers as well as cravings.

As we develop a healthy relationship with ourselves, we can makesure our most basic needs are met. This will help us achieve long-term stability and success in recovery.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. Ephesians 5:29(NIV)

4. Make a long-term commitment to therapy. 

Most often, an individual’s addiction to alcohol didn’t develop overnight, nor did it become destructive to their lives and relationships over a short period of time.  Addiction typically results from unhealthy, toxic thought patterns and behavioral patterns that sustained their alcohol dependency and made their lives more increasingly unmanageable over time. 

This is why long-term individual therapy is an important component for anyone struggling to achieve and/or maintain sobriety. Healing old wounds, developing healthy coping strategies, creating new thought patterns and/or beliefs about ourselves, as well as repairing damaged relationships to forge a new way forward—none of this is achieved quickly or accidentally. Making the commitment to therapy will give you a greater chance for both short and long-term sobriety.  

5.  Remain vigilant.

Time [in sobriety] doesn’t exempt you from relapse, says Anita Gadhia-Smith, a psychotherapist in MD, adding, anyone can relapse at any point in time. Therefore it is important to remain vigilant even when everything seems to be going smoothly, even when you want to believe you’ve got this addiction licked. This is the very time when relapse often occurs. 

Stagnation and complacency are hallmarks of relapse, and those who settle for little change or improvement after rehab put themselves at risk for relapse. Addiction recovery is a matter of constant awareness and pursuit of a healthier lifestyle. By fully embracing your recovery, you can make a complete change in your life for the better.

6.  Deepen your faith.

Numerous studiesshow that people have lower rates of relapse when faith is involved in their recovery. A 2006 study published in Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly found that spirituality, life meaning and faith helped to combat stress and enhanced quality of life among people in recovery from addiction. Results from a 2011 study in Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research supported the idea that Alcoholics Anonymous reduced alcohol use by enhancing participants’ spiritual practices. 

The reason is the faith connects us to our Creator. A deep, intimate relationship with God through Christ fills the void inside that most addicts have been trying to fill with alcohol and/or substances. Most of all, faith awakens hope. Hope for eternity. Hope for today. Hope that there is a future and a purpose beyond alcohol. Hope that there is grace, even in relapse, in failure, in the worst moments life brings. CLICK TO TWEET Isn’t it this kind of hope that helps any Christian get through the hardest of times?

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5(NIV)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)

7.  Step out (and keep stepping out) of the shame cycle.

Shame is a destructive habit that keeps many trapped in addiction once they have relapsed. The negative thoughts that swirl in our minds— We’re no good, We will never be anything but an addict, We are a failure, God couldn’t love us— these can be damaging to the strongest individuals. 

To step outside of shame, we can begin to claim and believe that failing doesn’t make us a failure. We can get up again, we can move forward.  Brené Brown, author and expert on vulnerability and shame, notes, As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out!

Be vulnerable about your failings, admit them, and seek out ways to constructively overcome them—without beating yourself up when you fall short of anyone’s expectations—even your own. 

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1(NIV)

8.  Develop new life patterns. 

Begin a new hobby. Take a class at your local community college. Try something you may never have tried before. Beginning to engage different experiences can awaken a life of curiosity, passion, and purpose we may never before have thought possible. 

Alcoholism chains victims to their vice, preventing them from cognitively or physically exploring anything outside of their next drink. When we fail to replace those broken patterns with anything better, old thought patterns will fill the vacuum, leading to a greater chance for relapse. 

God has a life for us outside of our addiction.  He has a plan and a purpose.  He came to give us life and life abundantly.  Grab hold of His promise.  Embrace a lifestyle of healing, of learning, of growing.  

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19(ESV)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.John 10:10(ESV)

Relapse is the toughest part of recovery but there are critical commitments we can make to avoid relapse and experience the life God has for us. Recovery can be a time when we engage our healing and allow His light to shine into every part of our hearts. When this happens nothing is impossible. We can see Him heal, redeem, and restore our lives in ways we could have never imagined. 

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

4 Ways You Can Fight Back Against Loneliness

Life without other people is the worst disease any human being can ever experience. _Mother Theresa

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Ever been lonely?  I have.

We live in a world where everything is at our fingertips, yet for many any real connection and belonging can feel woefully out of reach. For all of our technological advances, as a culture we are more isolated than ever before. And we are lonely. Terribly lonely.

Former Surgeon General Murthy, in a Harvard Business Review article, writes that, we live in the most technologically connected age in the history of civilization, yet rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s. 

This is troubling because the data clearly shows that loneliness is directly associated with a reduction in life span.  This reduction is similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes per day, and its greater than the negative impact of obesity on life span.

When we look deeper, we find that loneliness is also associated with a greater risk of heart disease, depression, anxiety and dementia. Within the workplace it’s associated with reductions in performance, limiting creativity, and impairing other aspects of executive function, such as memory and decision-making.

One recent Gospel Coalition articlesuggests, After decades of bowling leagues, Americans began bowling alone. Today, in the age of social media, we’re not even bowling. We’re scrolling alone.

What loneliness is and what it isn’t.      

Not everyone who is socially isolated is lonely, and not everyone who is lonely is socially isolated.  Psychology.iresearch.netdefines loneliness as, the distressing experience that occurs when one’s social relationships are perceived to be less in quantity, and especially in quality, than desired. 

Social isolation denotes few social connections or interactions, whereas loneliness involves the subjective perception of isolation — the discrepancy between one’s desired and actual level of social connection, researchers Holt-Lunstad and Smith wrote in the Heart Journal.

In essence, loneliness is the difference between the connection we have and the connection we want. That loneliness, biologically speaking, serves a similar purpose as hunger and thirst, seems to indicate that it is an emotion designed to activate an individual’s survival need. As with hunger and thirst, loneliness motivates the acquisition of food, water, and in this case, connection individuals need to survive. 

God created us as relational beings to desire connection, belonging, safety, and intimacy— thus, our drive for connection keeps us reaching out for relationships that will ultimately satisfy our needs.  However, if we have been hurt somewhere along the way, facing the potential of ridicule or rejection can be too much, causing us to withdraw from everyone.

John Gottman, in his book The Science of Trust, adds that loneliness is (in part) the inability to trust. Sadly, this failure to trust tends to perpetuate itself. When we don’t trust, over time, we are less able to read other people and become deficient in empathy. He states, Lonely people are caught in a spiral that keeps them away from others, partly because they withdraw to avoid the potential hurt that could occur from trusting the wrong person. So they trust nobody, even the trustworthy.

The ‘Me before We’ Society

Technology has only made this problem worse.  We live in an era of transactional relationships. In order to get what we need, all we do is hit a button and we get it instantly.  No lines, no waiting.  Our kids don’t wait until Christmas to get their favorite music, clothes, concert tickets, with mom and dad’s credit card, they never have to wait for anything. 

Yet this same technology and immediacy has also altered relationships.  We meet people online.  We evaluate them based on a picture.  We swipe left or right.  We text. Call.  Then we ghost them because someone cuter came across our screen.  No bother.  We didn’t need that person, didn’t want them.  So we throw them away.

Transactional relationships are by nature optimized around getting the most you possibly can in exchange for as little as possible on your part. They are all about you and what you can get, and not about what you can give. 

The more transactional we are, the more self-absorbed we become, the more we blunt our depth of real self-confidence, hence we rely more heavily on people as a drug to fill a need.  As result, we never experience the safety, the deep belonging, the beauty, that comes from knowing, from being with, from experiencing another human being— not for what you can get out of them, but simply as a sacred and divine encounter.

Romans 12:5 (NIV) teaches us, So in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

I John 1:7 (NIV) adds, But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son, purifies us from all sin.

Unless and until we begin seeing ourselves as social beings who need real connection and community, we will remain tucked away in our castles, connecting only with Netflix, Youtube, and Facebook, attempting to fill our needs for belonging with likes, clicks, and comments.  

So how do we fight off loneliness in such a lonely world?  Here are four ways you can fight back against loneliness and engage a life of connection and belonging you desire.

1. Stop waiting.

Others cannot make you lonely.  You make you lonely.  You are powerful.  You can step back from the pain of your loneliness and begin to make decisions for yourself to help you find meaningful community and connection. 

It is not your spouse’s job, nor is it your child or neighbor’s job to pursue you.  Make a commitment to yourself to engage connection. Try different environments and activities.  Not all of your connections have to be at church.  Not all of your engagements have to look or feel a certain way.

Step out of your ‘stuckness’ and explore.  You can experience connection in the grocery store, at a pottery class, in a coffee shop, or just a walk in the neighborhood. Stop waiting.  Start doing.  And doing. 

It won’t be easy.  It won’t happen all at once.  It just won’t.  But little by little you will feel more comfortable, you will begin to engage others, you will find the safety, the trust, the connection you have been looking for so long.  It may not come in any way you expect or perhaps, demand.  But it will come.

2. Use social media only as a ‘way-station,’ not a ‘destination.’

Research shows that individuals who use social media as a ‘way-station,’ to set up outings or get-togethers with friends, actually experience lower levels of loneliness.  However, individuals who use Facebook, Instagram, or other social media outlets as their primary means for social interaction, show increased levels of social withdrawal and increased levels of loneliness.

Be intentional with how you engage social media.  It can certainly bring meaning and connection, but it can also bring feelings of comparison, rejection, and social isolation, which will exacerbate your feelings of loneliness.

Find ways to meet people face to face.  Avoid being a social media voyeur.  Engage.  Write a comment.  Comment back to other people’s comments.  Reach out to people in your community to join a meetup or Bible study.  Extend yourself slowly, safely. Recognize that others may not reach back in the way you want.  That is okay.  Keep reaching.  Somewhere along the way, you will slowly find your relationships expanding and your community growing.

3. Be authentic.

When we are lonely, it is easy to become more protected, less real.  Overthinking everything, we become so busy being stuck in our heads that we cannot be present with anyone in the moment. We cannot be real.  Certainly not relaxed.

Breathe. Focus your energies on just being in the moment.  Enjoy the moment. Don’t put too much pressure on one experience or relationship to be the answer to your prayers. Let it come naturally. Authentically.

4. Challenge negative thought patterns.

Lonely people pay more attention to negative social information like disagreement or criticism. They remember more of the negative things that happened during an encounter with another person and fewer positive things. 

This leads to increasing negative expectations about future interactions with others.  In short, lonely people don't expect things to go well for them, and consequently, they often don't.

Challenge your negative thought patterns.  Consider alternative assessments about other’s intentions towards you.  Resist the urge to simply accept a negative narrative and instead, begin to explore relationships with a positive, optimistic outlook.  Seeing the best in others will allow us to feel more confident about ourselves.

Yes, the world around us is busy.  It is easy to feel isolated, disconnected.  Fighting loneliness and developing places where we belong will not be easy.  It will not happen overnight. It will require us to get uncomfortable enough to step out into unknown territories and risk going all-in to develop the life we desire.  

We can find community. We can experience connection, deep intimacy, and love. We can.  God will be with us.  Other people can never make us safe.  God makes us safe. He gave us the greatest form of connection possible —connection with His Son through the cross. 

He won’t leave you hanging.  Trust Him. 

What is one step you can take today to engage connection and community?

How can you begin to change your thoughts to fight against negativity?

How can you reach out to someone who may be lonely?

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

ASK LISA – How Can I Lose Weight and Keep It Off Once and For All?

Ask Lisa is an advice post for people who write in to me, asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although this is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you face.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in.  I’d be glad to tackle it together!

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Dear Lisa,

I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  After my mom and dad divorced at 8yrs old, my mom and I fell into a pattern of eating to numb the pain.  Every night while watching tv, we would pop popcorn, or eat ice-cream right out of the tub. Most of our best times seemed to revolve around making brownies or stopping by our favorite hamburger joint.

When I was little I had a good metabolism, so I wasn’t too heavy.  But when I entered high school, others began to make comments suggesting I was fat and needed to lose weight.  Even the school counselor sent a note home to my mom encouraging me to go on a diet to get my weight under control.

I feel like I’ve been on a diet ever since.  Mom and me would diet for a while, but when there were bills to pay, or she had broken up with a boyfriend, we just went right back to food. Food became my comfort. We would have mac & cheese on a bad day, burgers and fries on a good day, and ice cream as a treat every day. 

When I was 14 yrs old, I was molested by an uncle. I felt helpless. Dirty.  Unworthy and unsafe.  I ate to numb the pain.  I never told anyone and I’ve never been able to trust anyone since.  I want to date, to be married, to have a normal life, but I wouldn’t know how.

It seemed my life has always revolved around food.  I want to lose weight.  I can even start off the day making pretty good choices.  But by the time night falls, what starts off as a little indulgence leads to continual snacking. 

Two years ago I committed to a specific diet/exercise program.  I lost weight.  I felt great. I told myself I would never go back. But I did.  I always do.  

Can you help me? I am desperate to know how I can lose weight and keep it off once and for all.

Sincerely,

Dieting in Dallas

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Dear Dieting,

Thank you for sharing your struggle here. I know how difficult our relationship with food can be and how discouraging the battle to lose and maintain our weight can become. I want you to know you are not alone in your struggle.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 33 percent of U.S. adults are overweight and an additional 36 percent are obese. Approximately one in six children in the U.S. is obese. 

Though the causes of obesity are complex, obesity is not a function of laziness or an indication of emotional instability. Genetic and biological factors do not act in isolation, but are constantly interacting with an array of environmental and emotional factors. 

When it comes to losing weight, most people follow the usual protocol, focusing on eating less and exercising more. But a major aspect of weight control involves understanding and managing feelings, thoughts and behaviors that can interfere with weight loss.

That's not surprising, said Diane Robinson, PhD, a neuropsychologist and Program Director of Integrative Medicine at Orlando Health. Most people focus almost entirely on the physical aspects of weight loss, like diet and exercise. But there is an emotional component to food that the vast majority of people simply overlook and it can quickly sabotage their efforts. In order to lose weight and keep it off long term, we need to do more than just think about what we eat, we also need to understand why we're eating.

From a very young age we're emotionally attached to food. Whether we are aware of it or not, many of us are conditioned to use food not only for nourishment, but for comfort. 

According to Dr. Howard Rankin, an expert on behavioral change, 

We are emotional beings with the ability to rationalize -- not rational beings with emotions. If we are stressed, depressed or addicted, no matter how good the advice we are given, chances are that we will not be able to act on it. The more primitive, emotional brain generally has precedence over the newer, more rational brain. 

This was the challenge for Shekyra DeCree, of Columbus, Ohio. As a mental health therapist, my job can be very stressful, and everyday when I got home from work, the first thing I would do is go to the refrigerator,she said. That was my way to calm down and relax. Her conclusion— you have to change the way you deal with your emotions, your stress, and anxiety.  Understanding this is the key to not only taking the weight off, but keeping it off long-term.

Here are six tips I recommend to help you deal with weight loss differently and keep it off once and for all:

1.)  Heal the wounds of your past.

As I hear you describe, you have many wounds that have accumulated over your life that have never been healed. God desires for you to experience healing, freedom, wholeness —from every wound, every betrayal, every rejection that leaves you to use food to comfort, numb, and protect your fractured heart.

I could never ask you to step away from your defense mechanisms when today, they are all you have to protect you. In order to successfully change your relationship with food, you must first begin to heal so that you no longer need it to keep you safe.  Then you can open your heart and mind to a new way of being. Without living out of the wounds of your past, you will be able to create a new identity, new relationships, and a future with unlimited possibilities.

Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.  Isaiah 53:4-5(NIV)

Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth. Jeremiah 33:6(NIV)

2.)  Cultivate healthy coping skills. 

We must understand what we feel and why we are feeling it, if we are to resist the emotional pull to eat.  If we have never connected with our emotions, begin journaling every day, do a feelings check.  Ask yourself why you are feeling what you are feeling.  Explore the best options for dealing with those feelings —do you need to talk with a friend, draw a boundary, comfort yourself emotionally, or strategize a new path forward? 

·     Keep a daily diary logging your food and your mood, and look for unhealthy patterns. 

·     Identify foods that make you feel good and write down why you eat them. Do they evoke a memory or are you craving those foods out of stress?

·     Before you have any snack or meal ask yourself: Am I eating this because I'm hungry? If the answer is no, look for the root of your motive.

As we learn to develop a healthier relationship with our emotions we will be better able to nurture our bodies with the fuel it needs without using food to manage, numb, or distract us from our emotions. Nor will we need food for physical or emotional protection.  

3.) Develop your ‘no’ muscle.

Self-control is a muscle that, like other muscles, needs exercise to be strengthened. Change doesn't happen because you want it to happen. Each time you exercise your ‘no’ muscle, you are developing greater self-control. Success breeds success. Facing down temptations builds strength for future decision moments.  Empowers determination.  Grows grit where we need it most.

We can do hard things.  We can.  Find at least one time per day (if not more) that you actively tell yourself no.  It doesn’t have to be just about food, this applies to many aspects of our lives where we have difficulty with disciplining our bodies, our hearts, and our minds.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline..2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

4.) Avoid sugary, carb-heavy foods.

Start reading labels.  Things you would never believe to be heavy in sugar or carbs can be incredibly packed with them.  Get a food-tracker app like Chronometer, where you can log everything you eat daily. This can be eye-opening because most of us minimize what we are eating as well as its calorie, sugar, or carb content. 

Apps don’t lie.  They will help educate and equip you with information so that you become increasingly aware of what you are feeding your body.  Once you become aware, you can make the changes necessary to feed your body appropriately without overindulging.

5.) Learn from your past mistakes, don’t shame them.

We all make mistakes. Instead of shaming yourself when you fall down or make a bad decision regarding food, seek to gain self-knowledge so you won't repeat the error. Ask yourself why you made the decision you did. Journal both the emotions and the thoughts surrounding that decision. What could you do differently next time? How do you want to move forward?

No one is perfect. Be sure to acknowledge what you are doing right, not just what isn't working.

6.) Surround yourself with people who will support your effort. 

Getting fit and losing weight absolutely require others. Although you alone can make the changes you need to make, they are hard to sustain alone. In every area of our lives, we are much more influenced by other people than we may think. One of the most potent forces for positive change is the emotional support of the individuals who surround you.

Don’t be afraid to ask for the support you need. Don't assume that others know what would be most helpful to you. Similarly, avoid those people who may try to sabotage you on your journey. Surround yourself with people who can encourage you, who can walk with you.

You can do this.  You have already overcome so much in your life.  You can heal, you can learn.  You can grow.  By choosing health in every moment, in every decision, you can learn to manage your emotions and make choices that nurture you body, mind, and spirit.  

You will find balance.  Equilibrium.  Your physical body will heal.  Your heart will heal.  You will become whole.  And there is nothing like it!

I will be praying for you and cheering you on every step of the way. Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.

Many blessings,

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. 

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

8 Keys To a Healthy Relationship With Your Body

The mirror doesn’t lie…or does it?

More accurately, it is the internal eyes of the one looking in the mirror that can distort, shame, and yes lie, negatively shaping the way we see ourselves, our bodies, and our beauty. Our thoughts are powerful to define what we believe about ourselves. Our value. Our worth. Our belovedness.

We tell ourselves…

·     My body is shameful.

·     No one could love me as I am.

·      I am a failure.

·      I do not deserve love.

·     If I could just drop 15 lbs, then I would be happy.

·     Why bother?

Many of us internalize messages starting at a young age that will either lead to a positive or negative body image. We watch our parents, we absorb the words they speak, the attitudes they hold, the thoughts they believe about themselves and others.  We listen to peers at school, at play. Their words seep into the deepest places inside and adhere themselves to our souls, vastly impacting the way we see ourselves and our bodies.

Social media certainly doesn’t help. One CNN article described the impact of being exposed to more and more images of unattainable beauty, thanks to social networking: ‘Before social networks, we mostly had images of impossibly perfect celebrities. We would pass these images on billboards, watch them on TV, flip through them in magazines, but we weren't sitting around staring at them for hours every day.’

It’s not only the exposure to these images that is damaging. It’s our interaction with them—the pressure we place on having the perfect profile pictures, the comparisons we make about every image we see, and the dangers of the constant scrutiny of our own and others’ bodies—that has the greatest negative impact on our wellbeing. 

Having a healthy body image is an important part of our emotional wellbeing. It is also equally important for eating disorders prevention in ourselves and in our kids.  We will pass down to them the attitudes, beliefs, and distortions we hold about our own bodies. They will see, they will hear how we talk about other peoples’ bodies and will define themselves by the same standards.

The Bible commands us to, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’  yet how do we love anyone in our lives if we hate ourselves, if we shame our bodies, and demean His very creation?  We cannot. No. We cannot.

Here are 8 ways you can start TODAY to turn negative body thoughts into positive body image. The more you practice these new thought patterns, the better you will feel about who you are and the body God gave you.

1.    Appreciate the things your body does for you.

Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams. Your body allows you to engage in God’s purposes for your life. Your body was beautifully designed by an amazing Creator.  Instead of focusing on the negative qualities or attributes you don’t like, remind yourself of all of the gifts your body gives you—running, dancing, working, breathing, laughing, dreaming, praying. 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Psalm 139:14(NIV)

2.    Create a list of attributes you like about yourself.

Take some time to reflect on physical, emotional, and spiritual attributes—things that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like. Write them down. Read your list often.  Try to find things you can add to it as you become aware of more things to like about yourself.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.Ephesians 2:10(NIV)

3.  Remember that real beauty is not simply skin-deep.

Beauty is a state of the mind and heart, not a state of your body.  The most beautiful people I know are people who know their belovedness—who live, who love, who give the gifts of acceptance and kindness they have already received. We can cultivate a heart and a life that exudes the love of Christ. We are powerful to become compassion-warriors and grace-givers to the people we encounter.  

But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.’ 1 Samuel 16:7(NIV)

4.  Stop looking for validation from others.

When we find ourselves craving validation about how we look from others, it becomes an insatiable addiction, never giving us the acceptance or belonging we truly desire and leaving us perpetually thirsty for more.  Instead, write down the things you long to hear most from others and begin to speak them to yourself.  When you feel the urge to ask for validation directly or indirectly, don’t. Remind yourself of what God thinks about you.  Speak the things to yourself that you long to hear most.  

Other people do not have the power to heal us. They are fighting their own battles, struggling with their own fears and wounds.  Only God and you hold the power to heal you.  

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14(NIV)

5.  Surround yourself with emotionally and spiritually healthy people.

We are always strengthened when we are around those who are mature, both spiritually and emotionally.  Others who have a healthy body image, who feel good about themselves, who know and live out their belovedness on a daily basis can help you stay focused on the values and qualities that are most important.  

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)

From whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.Ephesians 4:16 (ESV)

To equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ. Ephesians 4:12 (ESV) 

6.  Become a critical viewer of social media.

Pay attention to images, slogans, or attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself or your body. Limit the amount of time you spend on social media. Create affirmations you can repeat when you see images or posts that discourage you about your worth or body image. Remind yourself of the truth of your value and worth.  You must keep yourself centered or social media will leave you spinning inside.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Phillipians 4:8(NIV)

7. Be kind to yourself.

Do something kind for yourself every day.  Ask yourself, How could I honor my body spiritually, emotionally, and physically today?  Find one activity, one habit, one moment you could implement something that would nurture healing and wholeness in your heart. Success won’t happen at once—it will happen in a million tiny moments we choose kindness over condemnation, healing over hatred, compassion over shame.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church… Ephesians 5:29(NIV)

8. Serve others.

Sometimes reaching out to other people can help you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world.  Serving others helps take our mind off the enormity of our struggles and allows us to balance them with the needs and struggles of others. We become myopic when we exist in isolation, but when we serve, we can see Christ at work around us.  It fills a deep reservoir of grace inside us when we allow ourselves to be Christ to others who are hurting and in need.

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love. Galatians 5:13(NIV)

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38(NIV)

How are you nurturing your body image? 

 How are you walking in your belovedness, friend?  

What is one thing you could do today to develop a healthier relationship with your body?

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Four Ways To Celebrate A Perfectly ImPerfect You

Perfect.  Such a nice word.  If only everything could be perfect, life would be much neater, cleaner somehow.

The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines the word “perfect” as being entirely without fault or defect.  Flawless.  Satisfying all requirements.  

Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?

I spent so many years chasing that word, driven by that ideal.  To be without defect.  Flawless. I felt perhaps, that if I found this place called Perfect, that I would be free. I would arrive.  I could breathe.

I would tell myself—

If only I could be taller…thinner…smarter…funnier

If my waist wasn’t so big…my rear so flat…my thighs so flabby

If I could be the perfect wife…the perfect stepmom…the perfect friend…

…then I would arrive, then I would be accepted, then I would be worthy of love.

I never realized how much damage, how much destruction this one little word, perfect,could do.

Most of us struggle to live out an ideal of what we think life should be, of who we think we should be. We struggle to get up out of bed for another day with our lists, our expectations, our goals.  We set the bar so high, we could never attain.  Never achieve – anything but sheer exhaustion. Emptiness.  

Is this what God intended for us?  Is this the abundant life He promised?

The drive for perfection will always leave us scraping at the bottom of the barrel.  The pursuit of perfection will always leave us hopeless, drained, done.  

So how do we overcome the insidious pull toward perfection?  How do we find the abundance and peace we are so desperate for?

I have found four ways you can begin to celebrate the perfectly imperfect you - today.

Accept your imperfection.

Every time you find yourself starting to chase the rabbit-trail of ‘if-only’s,’ stop. You are powerful.  You have a choice.  

Begin to repeat instead:

I am …beautiful… right in this very moment.

I am …loved…right in this very moment.

I am …enough…right in this very moment.

I am …healing…right in this very moment.

I am …growing…right in this very moment.

Learning to accept all the parts and pieces of who we are and welcoming them inside our hearts instead of shaming them, is the beginning of freedom.  We cannot develop a loving relationship with ourselves as long as we hate ourselves. We must release hate for love to flourish.  For hearts to heal.  For us to arrive at a place where we can look in the mirror with all of our dimples and dings, all of our scars and sagging skin (ugghhh), and celebrate them. Yes, celebrate them.

You are beautiful.  Yes, you.  Beautiful.

Release control.

Yes, as an historic perfectionist, I long for control.  I love control.  Control allows me to believe that I am somehow powerful to determine my destiny.  It creates an illusion that I can prove my worth. I feel a craving, a compulsion to hold everything within my domain.  Somewhere within me, though I can observe this madness, the control is there, right beneath the surface, calling out to me.

Release control. Submit to the messy.  Don’t hold things so tightly.  Breathe into the unknown.  Rest.  CLICK TO TWEET In surrendering your will, your need to claim, to own, to control, you can settle into the here and now.  Release the unknown to God.  You are safe.

Create a life of compassion.

The cycle of shame is the gasoline that fuels our perfectionistic tendencies.  I set unrealistic goals for myself.  I make unreasonable demands on myself.  At some point, I fail.  Though failure is a normal part of life, for the perfectionist, failure signals an immense implosion of shame.  Shame whispers my utter worthlessness.  It pulls me hopelessly into the undertow of condemnation. It compels me to yet once again, set the bar higher, to push harder in the drive to be freed from this shame, to feel for once – peace.

Just as peace can never coexist with shame, compassion can never coexist with condemnation. Compassion diffuses the weight of shame and allows us to stop the pattern of self-condemnation.  Perhaps this is why Romans 8:1 (NIV) details, Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Perhaps God knows our tendency to strive, to shame, to cling to condemnation as a favored friend.

Compassion also means that we stop blaming others.  We can never stop being victimized until we are ready to stop being the victim.  We can never overcome oppression until we are ready to release our identity as the oppressed. Resist blame.  Come face to face with failure.  It cannot destroy you.  It doesn’t define you.  You are on a journey.  You are becoming.

Consume a diet of truth.

John 8:32  (NIV) says,Then you will know the truth andthetruth will set you free.  When we recognize the harsh, shaming, perfectionistic voice that hides deep inside our hearts, we can speak the truth to that voice.  We don’t have to succumb to its pressure. We don’t have to yield to its ways. 

We can claim our worth, our value in the midst of our imperfections.  We can admit the reality that everyone is broken —yes everyone. It is only God’s great and majestic love for us that sees beauty right in the middle of our humanity.   Our beauty never lies in perfection.  Our beauty lies in all of the broken pieces that no longer hold us hostage, that no longer keep us hidden and disguised.  Out of something broken God makes something beautiful.  As God shines His light, His love, His glory through the jagged and prismed pieces of our lives, He creates the most amazing works of art.  

If you have struggled with the word perfect, you are not alone.

Anna Quindlen, says, The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

You don’t have to stay chained to your lists, your expectations, your goals.  Exchange them for love, for freedom, for compassion, for truth.

Celebrate imperfection.  Release control.  Create a life of compassion.  Consume a diet of truth.

Then you will be able to ask yourself:

How can I honor my body today?

What does my soul need today?

How can I nurture my spirit today?

How can I love others well today?

This is what God desires for you.  Discovering and becoming who God created you to be so that you can serve a world in need. Show them love.  Show them Christ.

You won’t come up dry. You won’t be scraping the bottom of the barrel.  You will experience fullness, abundance.  You will know peace.

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

ASK LISA - How Do I Stop The Cycle of Anger?

Ask Lisa is an advice post for people who write in to me, asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although this is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you face.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in.  I’d be glad to tackle it together!

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Dear Lisa,

I know you write about emotions, but I have to be honest that it is something I still struggle with. My mother never showed any emotion —except anger— and no matter how hard I try, I find myself lashing out in anger with my children.  I always promised myself that I would never be like her, yet I am helpless to stop.  

My childhood was filled with abuse, addiction, and neglect.  I can’t think of anything happy or warm about it.  The more chaos I saw as I child, the more I shut down.  I hid behind a veneer of nothingness.  I never let myself feel anything.  That’s how I survived.  Though inside I could sense that things around me weren’t normal, it was the only life I knew.  In my teens, I went to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain inside.  To allow myself to feel would have been too overwhelming for me.

Having been in recovery for three years, I am learning for the first time how to feel.  It is the single hardest thing I have ever done. Sometimes it seems easier to go back, to once again run from and mask the feelings of pain.  But I can’t.  I am committed to myself —the child in me who was wounded so long ago.  I am committed to her healing, learning to love her so that I can learn to love my children and parent them well.  My question is this—how do I stop the cycle of anger? Why am I unable to respond in a healthy way to my children?  I want freedom.

Sincerely,

Angry in Arkansas

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Dear Angry,

Thank you so much for your authenticity in sharing the realities not only of your childhood, but your recovery and anger issues.  It takes so much courage to be able to let down our defenses and acknowledge the truth of our situation. First of all, let me say that my heart breaks to hear of your childhood.  No child should ever experience the pain that you felt when you were so young.  Part of your healing journey is to grieve for that little girl, to let her know she is seen, to mourn with her for what she endured for so long.  I encourage you, as part of your recovery, if you haven’t done so, find a grief recovery group or therapist to walk with you during that process.  I imagine part of your anger is associated with grief, as anger is one of the five stages of grief (shock, depression, anger, bargaining, and acceptance), and is needful for you to experience in a healthy way.

As I hear you recount how you survived childhood by shutting down, I would ascertain that you never learned to feel or deal with your emotions and learned instead to stuff them and/or numb them.  Dear friend, you will never find full healing until you can a) give yourself permission to feel and, b) learn how to calm yourself IN your emotions so that you can talk yourself through them more productively.  As children, we learn our primary responses to emotions through watching and mimicking our parents (or primary caregivers).  You are simply repeating how you saw your mother deal with her emotions.  

You can choose to cultivate a different relationship with your emotions.  You can step beyond and discover ALL of your emotions —how to feel them, name them, calm them, and talk yourself through them.  I do encourage as well that you find a good therapist who can guide you along the way, so that you can experience the internal calm and confidence that comes from knowing how to regulate our emotions effectively.

For many, anger puts us into “fight-or-flight” mode where we become reactive vs. responsive to a situation. In those moments, allow yourself to walk away. Do not parent in anger. Calm down, think through how you want to respond to your child, what appropriate consequences need to be enacted. Breathe. Outside the moments of anger make the commitment to no hitting, no swearing, no name-calling, no screaming. If you need to scream, go to your room and scream into a pillow.

Lastly, I do encourage you that you are probably doing better than you think. You have been committed to recovery and that is such a courageous step to take for yourself and your family. All parents fail, we all lose it with our kids.  We do.  Don’t shame yourself.  The enemy would love nothing more than to see you spiral in your shame back into addiction. Remember that you are on your journey. Shame steals while compassion heals. 

God loves you.  He has a plan for your life.  He is healing, and teaching, and growing you to become the woman He designed from the beginning.  Hold onto that.  Don’t let go. You are the Beloved.  You are His child.  You are becoming.  I believe you will learn how to manage your anger, I believe you will learn more and more who you are in Christ, as a woman, a wife, and a mom.  I believe that God has future for you —Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG) says, I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Keep going.  Don’t stop now.  The work you do now can change the legacy for your entire family!

Blessings, 

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. 

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Eight Traits Emotionally-Intelligent People Use For Success - (plus, find out your Emotional Intelligence score NOW!)

I used to think I was fairly smart.  I graduated at the top of my class, got a full scholarship to college.  I should have had everything necessary for success —but I didn’t.

Emotionally, I was a wreck. Though I had a good IQ, my EQ (emotional quotient) wasn’t very high and that impacted everything —my career, my relationships, everything.

Daniel Goleman, one of the prominent researchers on emotional intelligence found that only 20% of success in life was determined by our IQ, while 80% of our success is determined by our EQ.  That’s right – 80%.  

I’ve found eight traits emotionally-intelligent people use for success not just in their careers, but in all of their relationships as well.

1.       They’re more self-aware.

Individuals with emotional intelligence are able to accurately self-reflect.  They know their personality, their core strengths and weaknesses, as well as environments that will bring out the best in them.  They don’t allow their weaknesses to hold them back.  Rather than beating themselves up for what they don’t know or struggle to do well, they focus on creating strategies to improve skill sets so they can achieve their goals.

Emotionally-intelligent people have cultivated a healthy relationship with their emotions. They understand, in developing a healthy relationship with their emotions, an amazing thing happens: they no longer have to be afraid of their emotions, nor do they have run from them. The simply deal with them.

2.They live with balance.

Because they have a high level of self-awareness, they instinctively know how to cultivate and maintain balance in their lives. Whether at work or in their personal lives, they understand how to take care of themselves well in order to be the best they can be in every area of life.  They eat well, get plenty of rest, and foster interests outside of work to establish and enjoy a greater sense of wellbeing.

3.They’re not perfectionists.

While emotionally-intelligent individuals are highly motivated and accomplished, they recognize that perfection is impossible.  Instead of creating an impossible cycle of unrealistic expectations followed by frustration and shame, they focus their energies on doing their best, maintaining flexibility, and learning from their mistakes.  

4. They’re curious about life.

They’ve learned to cultivate an appreciation for varied and unique experiences.  They are curious and passionate, knowing how to explore and learn new concepts and skills. Their curiosity makes them equally open to asking questions as well as to adapting to new solutions.  Curious people are delightful people who haven’t lost their innate sense of wonder in a complex world of responsibilities.

5.  They’re empathetic with others.

An essential quality of EQ, individuals are well-skilled in their ability to relate to others.  They can listen, understand, and offer empathy to others as they share thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  This better communication and reduces conflict both in the workplace and in personal relationships.

6. They’re growth-oriented.

Individuals with high EQ aren’t afraid of change. Because they are open to learning new things, they embrace growth as a necessary and important part of life. They are eager to accept challenges and usually adapt well even under difficult circumstances.  In seeing the bigger picture, they can mobilize internal strategies to adjust and energize around new problems and circumstances.

7. They’re grateful.

Living with gratitude has an enormous impact on our level of Emotional Intelligence.  People who have a grateful disposition look for things big and small for which they can be thankful. Click To Tweet  They are generally satisfied with life and rarely allow negative feedback or people to influence their lives or their decisions.

8.  They bring out the best in others.

Because they are at peace with themselves, people with EQ are able to see coworkers and friends not as threats, but as assets.  Not needing to be defensive with others, they instead create a safe environment in which others can thrive.  They love to see colleagues, friends, and family reach their potential and are motivated by cooperation rather than competition.  

How many of these qualities are you able to identify? Do some seem to come naturally while others seem overwhelming?

The best news about Emotional Intelligence is that it can be cultivated and nurtured throughout our lives.  Where we are today does not have to determine our future.  

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Why Your Emotions Matter More Than You Think (and 3 ways to cultivate a better relationship with them)

Emotions can be pesky little things.  We can try to run from them, we can try to get around them, yet they always surface when we least expect them.

We’ve all grown up with different beliefs about emotions.  Some of us were taught (verbally or nonverbally) that emotions are bad —a sign of weakness —to be ignored or pushed away in favor of logic and reason, which are safer, better, it would seem.  Others grew up in households where emotions ran high, where feelings were shouted rather than spoken, and individuals lived in the chaos of emotional highs and lows.

Add to this the spiritual dimension where many in the church are often taught that good emotions are good —blessings to be pursued and enjoyed —while bad emotions are bad —attacks from the enemy, a sign of sin for sure —and we can become lost in a hurricane of confusion without ever knowing how to calm the internal storm.

That’s where I landed. Confused.  A mess, really.  I had no understanding of God’s design for my spiritual/emotional wellbeing, nor could I even fathom a life of stability, wholeness, or peace with my emotions.  

The word emotion comes from the French word ‘emovoire’ – to excite, and is defined as, ‘a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others, instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.’

Here’s the truth —God designed us as emotional beings.  He did, and He declared that it was good. (Gen. 1:31, NIV) God created all of our emotions, not just the positive ones.  Jesus experienced all emotions (Hebrews 4:15-16, NIV), and He did so without sin.  John Calvin memorably summed it up, ‘Christ has put on our feelings along with our flesh.’

There is nowhere in Scripture where it defines the victorious, Christian, self-actualized life as one where we reach a nirvana of emotional bliss and get to skip the line for despair, sorrow, anger, rejection, and a whole host of other negative emotions. Jesus didn’t, so why should we?

We will find the abundant life God designed for us the more we recognize the importance of our emotions and learn to pursue a life of Emotional Abundance, which is defined in my book, Peace For A Lifetime, as, ‘the over-sufficient supply, the overflowing fullness in the area of our instinctive, intuitive feeling responses as we come in contact with our environment and our relationships.  It is the ability to feel our emotions, to reason through our emotions, to understand our emotions and to effectively manage our emotions so that we can appropriately respond to the people and circumstances around us.  It is the capacity to meet the demands of everyday life and create meaning, in order to move forward in a positive direction.’ 

Here are three ways we can start today to develop a healthy relationship with our emotions and experience a life of strength, stability, and peace.

1.   Don’t Stifle Your Emotions.  

Face them.  Feel them. We will never lead the life we want to lead, we will never experience stability if we live our lives running from every feeling that lies around the corner.  

Stifling our emotions is not only hazardous to our emotional health, it is hazardous to our spiritual and physical health as well. Suppressed feelings don’t evaporate; they eventually burst out and wreak havoc in our lives. We all know the mess a burst emotional pipe can make. Ulcers and migraines. Family feuds and broken friendships. Anger and retaliation. Emotions are not bad; stifling our emotions is bad. 

If you have a hard time developing a healthy relationship with your emotions, my book Peace For A Lifetime, teaches all about emotions and can equip with step by step instructions on how to experience the abundance and peace in every area of your life!

2.    See Your Emotions As A Gift From God To Guide You.

No, our emotions shouldn’t control us, but God put them there to give us the first indications that something is going on inside us that God wants to use to get our attention.  Learning to welcome our emotions in an appropriate way, is the first step towards understanding them and using God’s two other great gifts —the gift of our mind and the gift of our will —to speak the truth to our emotions, to calm them, to care for them so that we can take healthy steps forward on our journey.

As long as we see our emotions as the enemy, we will remain in a constant state of defeat and despair.  The reason —we cannot live a life without negative emotions.  The stresses and circumstances of life invite them. Trying to simply pray them away or run from them, is not only an impossible task, it is not what God has for you.  He wants you to build balance, health, and understanding in your relationship with your emotions.  Do it, and watch what happens.

3.  Learn To Glorify God In Your Emotions.  

John Piper says that, ‘God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.’

When we develop a healthy relationship with our emotions, an amazing thing happens: we no longer have to be afraid of our emotions, nor do we have to run from them. Finding clarity, truth, healing, understanding, and direction, in our emotions yields the gift of abundance and peace that extends into all of our relationships, even our relationship with God.  

I don’t know about you, but I long to find my deepest satisfaction in God.  By discovering healing and wholeness in my emotional life, it binds together and strengthens my physical and spiritual self as well.  

That is the wholeness God talked about in I Thess. 5:23 (AMP) when it says, Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [that is, separate you from profane and vulgar things, make you pure and whole and undamaged—consecrated to Him—set apart for His purpose]; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept complete and [be found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

The One Thing Your New Year Needs Most

The busyness of the holidays is over. 

The tornado that has been swirling since October is beginning to dissipate and I feel like I might just be able to come up for air.  Exhale —inhale.  

New endings and new beginnings.  Just like that.

I exhale reflections of times past, opportunities seized and opportunities lost.  Perhaps.  There are milestones and gravestones.  I measure the beautiful people and experiences that have meandered across my cobbled little path on my journey and give thanks.

I inhale new hope (which at times is so hard), as well as new visions.  More than anything I am learning to inhale what matters more to me than anything —and that is the gift of presence.

Years ago I read this quote by Henri Nouwen that speaks so powerfully to my own ideals and selfish agendas:

            “More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.”

I recognize the ministry of presence, as Nouwen describes, is not about being social.  It is about being intentional.  Intentional with what matters most to God —His children. In the truest sense, one cannot truly experience the presence of another until he has experienced the presence of himself (and survived).  And one cannot —cannotexperience the full presence of himself unless he has encountered and embraced the Presence of Abba, Father.  God.  Through His Son Jesus Christ.

So as you move into this new year, as you exhale what has been and inhale what will be, skip the lists, forgo the agenda.  Focus instead on the ministry of presence, and watch the transformation that unfolds. 

Make time to encounter God each day. 

I know, I know. Sounds so simple.  Yet when was the last time you were fully present with God? When did you last silence the noise of the world and still the clamoring of your heart to simply BE in the Presence of God?  To settle in and experience your belovedness.  Nothing else.  Just your belovedness.

Maybe this is already a daily practice for you, maybe it sounds completely foreign.  I encourage you this year to make the ministry of Presence first and foremost with your Father.  Visit with Him.  Sit in solitude with Him.  Breathe deeply in His Presence.  Pour your heart out to Him, read about Him in His Word. 

He will transform you. His Word says it and we can know it is true.  We will find nothing that fills our souls, nothing that completes us, or gives us the meaning we are searching for other than the One who created us.  Breathed His life into us.  Called us His own.  Invite Him into your heart today.  Invite Him into your schedule this year.

Carve out time to nourish your soul.

We know scientifically that good self-care reduces stress, lowers anxiety and depression.  But caring for our souls takes us on a lifelong journey of healing, of growth, of self-discovery.  

Since we are God’s creation and He thought what He created was good, shouldn’t we spend time getting to know ourselves —our physical and emotional identities, our ways of experiencing the world around us, our passions and purpose?  Shouldn’t we better understand why we think, feel, and engage the way we do so that we can continue on our healing journeys and allow God to transform those areas of our heart?

Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul.

_ Author Unknown

Soul-care is not selfish. It isn’t.  And it isn’t self-centered.  It is being rooted and planted in Christ, and becoming intentional to grow a solid, strong identity so that we can give ourselves fully to those He has called us to serve.  And love. That is the ministry of presence.

Carve out time to have a coffee and breathe.  Settle into your body.  Feel the feelings that have become buried or discarded throughout the day.  Name your feelings.  Be present with them.  Understand them.  Talk yourself through them.  Release them to the Father.

Be intentional about nurturing your relationships.

As Nouwen says, our desires tend to focus on tasks, agendas, schedules.  They seem so safe.  At times the ministry of presence with others can feel unsafe.  Humans are broken and our brokenness makes the terrain of relationships potentially messy.

Yet the ministry of presence is precisely what God calls each of us to embrace.  No one will remember the size of your bank account. They won’t remember the award you won at work.  They will remember being with you and experiencing the beauty, the love, the life and everything in between with you.  They will remember the experience of His presence pouring through you.  Love.  God’s love.

So as I enter these first few moments of the new year, this is my focus:

Exhale—My disappointments . My failures.  My sorrows. Inhale— God’s love, His delight, His compassion.

Exhale —My agenda, my plans, my desires.  Inhale —the ministry of presence with God, with myself, with others.

Exhale —Discouragement, doubt, comparison.  Inhale —hope, contentment, gratitude.  

And gratitude brings with it joy.  Joy tells us that while things are going haywire in this world, God is in control.  Joy tells us that in the face of the world’s definition of success, we are enough.  Joy finds itself alive when our hearts are most settled in the Father’s presence.

That is where I want to be this year —settled in His presence.  

How about you?

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

When You’re Scattered and Longing For Something Different This Holiday Season

Scattered.

The pieces of my heart and mind can become lost in a whirlwind of confusion this time of year.

Everything comes at me at once, demanding my attention, claiming unmeasured corners of my heart.

Every January as I reflect back on the holidays, there is a yearning for more time, fewer activities, less exhaustion —more meaning.

Standing at the doorway of this holiday season, sometimes I wonder if all of the festivities and facades, decorations and demands, scream to the baby, that there is no room in the inn of my heart —no room to welcome Him, to worship Him, to be undone by Him, the miracle of His presence and joy of the moment.  This moment. 

The enemy delights in ‘scattered.’A scattered heart is a weary heart.A scattered heart cannot fully embrace or experience the gift of the Christ child.

Because Christ came to earth to gather together all that the enemy has scattered, He pours His love down over the disease, the wounds, all of the brokenness places in our hearts.He redeems, He restores, He heals totally, completely.We are no longer scattered to the wind.He calls us, draws us to Himself to make us whole.

So I am committed to approaching this season perhaps differently than I have in the past.I am focused, not on less, but on best.Purposed not on more, but on core.

Here are a few principles I am learning to help experience something different this holiday season.

Appoint the days leading up to Christmas.

‘Appoint’actually means to, determine or decide on (a time or a place), to assign a job or a role. The theological definition adds a focus on the appointing, consecrating, or commissioning of persons for special service to the Lord and his people.

Stumbling slowly, numbly through the holidays, I somehow allow the season to happen to me, bombarding me with unwieldy and unforgiving demands, only to waken and find my body exhausted, my spirit weakened, and my mind distracted with lots of ‘good’ things.Yet good isn’t necessarily God’s best for our hearts, our days, or this season. 

Don’t let you days determine your life.Let your life determine your days.And don’t just let your days go by.Prepare them, that they may become vessels of blessing and life.Appoint your days or the purposes of the Most High._Jonathan Cahn

Perhaps we miss the deepest meaning because we failed to appoint our days, forgot to consecrate our schedules and our hearts with holy.Before this season begins, I want to prayerfully appoint, consecrate, and plan my days so they don’t overtake me, but rather they fill me with hope, with clarity, and with purpose.

How can you appoint your days this holiday season?

What needs to go?What needs to stay?

How have you made room for Jesus to meet you this Christmas?

Focus more on meaning this Christmas.

Yes, there are loads of fun activities, rituals, and parties that come my way, but are they all meant for me or my family?Somehow the packing-in of schedules and stuff scatters us, preventing us from maximizing meaning for the season, numbing our hearts from being fractured and undone by a baby born in a manger.

All the Christmas presents in the world are worth nothing without the presence of Christ. _David Jeremiah

In our busyness, would we miss the star in the sky that caught the attention of the wise men and guided their journey towards Messiah?Would we be deafened from hearing the angelic voices tell the shepherds’ that the Savior, Christ, was born in Bethlehem?

Off to one side sits a group of shepherds. They sit silently on the floor, perhaps perplexed, perhaps in awe, no doubt in amazement. Their night watch had been interrupted by an explosion of light from heaven and a symphony of angels. God goes to those who have time to hear him–and so on this cloudless night he went to simple shepherds. _Max Lucado

Finding meaning means eliminating the things that distract us or dull our soul-senses from being awestruck by the baby’s birth, that prevent us from falling at His feet in worship and adoration.

Where do you find the most meaning this holiday season?

What distracts you from experiencing the awe an wonder of Christmas?

What deafens you to the voice of Christ this season and throughout the year?

How can you walk away from scattered senses this Christmas, and move toward whole-hearted, meaning-filled, consecrated worship?

Scattered never leaves anything but a mess —at least for me.Let’s embrace something different this year.Let’s appoint our days, focus on meaning.  Let’s look for the star and listen for the angels.  They’re there.  We will experience Christmas, we will experience Christ —if we lift our eyes, tune our ears, and make room in our hearts to welcome Messiah.

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Three Ways To Reject Entitlement and Reclaim a Heart of Abundance

I’ve never seen barns so full while hearts are so empty.Never believed one could have everything and nothing at the same time.Yet they do.We do.  

Scarcity is all around us.In the middle of a field of crops so big and wide and deep, souls everywhere are starving, empty, hopeless.

I see it in our schools.I see it in our communities.I see it in our homes.

Hearts that scream,

I want…

I need…

I deserve…

Only the best…

Give me now…

We have so much, yet we are filled so little.Like God’s telling us time and again that the only thing worth filling our souls with is the infinite presence of His love.The gift of Himself.

Most of us are less concerned with His presence and more concerned with His presents.

We are.We have become entitled. And it’s not just our kids.We grownups want to be happy, we are driven to be happy. We think the phrase, ‘happiness is next to Godliness’ is somewhere in the Bible and we settle our hearts on a never-ending claim to possess it, meanwhile throwing out any notion of searching for, leaning in, clinging on, to the One thing that will speak to us the truth .His truth.His directions for how we should live, love, lead, and work.

We merely cry out for Him to bless our mess.

And we wonder why our hearts are empty.We wonder why we don’t experience the abundance we desire so much.

Beloved, there is a difference between knowing who Christ is in our heads and knowing who He is as the Savior and Lord of our hearts.Do we even know what Lordship means?Do our kids?

We want the kinship without the Kingship.The rights of salvation without the responsibility of salvation.The life of entitlement without the way of the cross.

We live lives of abundance, but our hearts are often barren, scarce.Entitlement robs us of faith and leaves us emptied of soul and spirit.

Here are three ways we can reject entitlement in our hearts and our homes, and fill our lives with hope, abundance, and most of all peace.

Discipline our minds with truth.

We must learn to filter the thoughts in our minds that tell us lies about who we are or what we deserve.Minds filled with truth recognize our pitiful position as well as our desperate need for our Father.Minds filled with truth leave us both humbled and grateful for every good gift that comes our way.

The truth is,

I want, but I don’t need…

I need, but I can trust His hand and His timing…

I don’t deserve anything but eternal separation from God…

Only my best, is what I desire to give God and give others…

My soul waits upon the Lord.He is faithful…

2 Cor 10:5 (NIV) tells us that, We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Phil 4:8 (NIV) adds, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

To read more about what will fill us, read, The Only Remedy For the Hole Inside Our Hearts!

Fuel our destiny with responsibility.

We have robbed our children of their God-given destiny because, in our efforts to remove their struggle, we have removed their responsibility.

We all need responsibility.Personal responsibility.We need to understand directly the consequences of our actions and feel the fire that is sparked when the work of our hands meets God’s cadence and divine destiny awakens in every cell of our being.

That, my friends, is exciting!Passion and purpose rarely strike like lightning out of nowhere.They are cultivated, nurtured, like the five virgins who carefully and wisely prepared their lamps for the Bridegroom to arrive. (Matt 25:1-13)

How are you nurturing your destiny?Are you sitting back, waiting for destiny to greet you at your door, are you blaming others for its seeming delay, or are you preparing for its arrival with hard work, faithfulness, diligence and perseverance?

Do whatever is in front of you today.  Do it well. Give God your best and your destiny will be blessed and bountiful.

Col 3:23-24 (NIV) teaches, Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Infuse our hearts with gratitude.

A grateful heart is an abundant heart.Hearts that grumble and complain are never happy.Eyes that envy and seek their own satisfaction are rarely ever satisfied.

Wherever you are today, you can claim abundance.Want to be full?Start by listing the things for which you are grateful.Want to be rich?Start by thanking God for His gracious blessings in your life.

Do it and see what happens.

1 Thess 5:18 (NIV) encourages us to, Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I see God reclaiming His people.I see Him pouring Himself in us and through us.I see us becoming His hands and feet to the world around us right where we are, doing His will with whatever and whoever is in front of us.I see chains being broken and lives being changed.Hearts redeemed.

I see a storehouse filled to overflowing with God’s spirit.I see barns and businesses, homes and hopes, alive, awakened…abundant.I see His presence moving in and through us like never before.

Will you believe it with me?Will you cast aside entitlement?Will you join me in rediscovering the Biblical mindset of truth, responsibility, and gratitude?  Will you help pass it down to our children?

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

For the Weary and Wounded, There is Always Room in the House Called Mercy

His eyes were piercing.As we sat down, he began to tell me his story —of growing up in a small town in east Texas, of doing meth, dealing meth, of living life in the darkness of racism that hung as a heavy shadow over his Aryan community.

He didn’t want change at first, didn’t know what change was, what hope was, what mercy felt like in this savage world of survival.With a dad nowhere to be found, there was a hole so big in his heart that was longing to be filled.All he wanted was to be accepted, wanted, loved.Don’t we all?

That’s when Mercy called.When he was at his lowest, fighting a bacteria from some bad drugs that had left his arm wide open and perhaps his heart wide open, too —that’s when someone reached out and asked Donovan if he was ready, if he had had enough?Backed into a corner with few options, he said ‘yes,’ he left behind his son and his mom, and showed up at the front steps of this new season, new life.

Salvador’s journey led him to a courtroom with 17 years in prison staring him in the face.No one was on his side, it seemed.No one except Mercy. Sitting in the courtroom, hearing the judge read off the harshest sentences one by one to those before him, hope began to fade.

Even his probation officer spoke against him.Yet God stepped in and the house called Mercy became his home.He left behind his family and his kids, too.He walked away from the streets, the dealing, everything he thought he needed to live, to discover the One he couldn’t live without.

He had heard about this person called Jesus in jail, began thinking about Him, reading about Him, until the day came when he embraced Him with his whole heart.

Jamie was the oldest of these Mercy House guys.At 36 years old, he had a wife, kids, faith —and an addiction that destroyed everything he thought he had built.Having already been in two prior Christian men’s programs, this was his last hope.

And Mercy, just as steady as a rock, reached out and claimed him as its own.Pouring into him new life, new skills, an entirely new way of dealing with his thoughts and emotions, Jamie began to embrace his faith and his brokenness differently than he had ever done before.

Mark came from a different world, a different state, a different life.His was not a story of poverty, of abandonment, yet the addiction that held him captive for years was no less powerful.

Little by little God began to speak to him about this place called Mercy.He resisted, he ran as far as he could, he pushed back against the notion of help.And then the day came when he relented.Gave in.Gave up everything to make his way to this new place, this new home, with new hope for a new future.

Though each of our stories may be different than Donovan’s, Salvador’s, Jamie’s, or Mark’s, though we may never have been held captive by addiction like these men, we were each in our own broken story, writing the lines of our own addictions, our own wounds, our own depravity.

We will all have to choose to either live in our brokenness or grab hold of God’s mercy and let it transform us totally, completely. 

This is the first work of God—that He is merciful to all who are ready to do without their own opinion, right, wisdom, and all spiritual goods, and willing to be poor in spirit.– Martin Luther

Brokenness will always lead us to despair, but Hope will always be calling, and Mercy will always know us by name.

There are three lessons I learned from my visit with the Mercy House men that remain true for each of us on our spiritual journeys.

It is never too late to be rescued by Mercy.

We say, No, not me.I’m good.

You’re not.We’re not.We are all broken.We all need a life-altering encounter with the person of Jesus.We need to be rescued from ourselves —our sin, our diseases.

As the foundation for God’s Covenant, mercy then comes to be seen as, the quality in God that directs him to forge a relationship with people who absolutely do not deserve to be in relationship with him. Mercy is manifested in God's activity on behalf of his people to free them from slavery.

Several Hebrew words are associated with God’s mercy.Kapporeth– means ransom, propitiation, or mercy seat. Racham – means to love, to have compassion, or to show mercy.Chesed – means goodness, kindness, mercifulness, or loving-kindness.

Mercy is the gift from a compassionate, loving, good God that pays the ransom and removes the consequences that we deserve, giving us a new beginning, a new chance, a brand new life.

1 Peter 2:10 (NIV) tells us, Once you were not a people; but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

James 5:11 (NIV) shares,As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

Titus 3:5 (NIV) declares, He saved us not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy.

No matter where you are, what your addiction is —to alcohol, to drugs, to food, to perfection, to people, to things— it is never too late to be rescued by God's mercy.

Call out.Reach out.God will meet you right where you are and will rescue you from everything that hangs as a noose around your neck and threatens to crack beneath you and destroy your life.  He will save you.He is the Savior of the world.Of me, of you.Trust Him.

When Mercy calls, it will change your life and change your name.

Where we each were once called by our sin, our shame.

We were called:

- failure

-loser

-worthless

-unloved

-hopeless

-rejected

-orphan

But God's mercy changes us from the inside out, gives us a new chance, a new future, a new name.

Mercy sees us and calls us:

-redeemed

-restored

-worthy

-loved

-hopeful

-chosen

-child

By what name do you call yourself?  In what kind of environment do you reside? Do you reside with shame and allow it to define your heart and your future?Or do you live in a house called Mercy, filled with compassion and kindness?Do you let Mercy Himself define your identity and direct your steps?

Your name is your identity.Declare your identity as the Beloved.Cling to it.Allow it to seep into every cell of your being and keep you close to the Father.You are His child.Your position in His family is secure.Nothing and no one can change that one fact.

Isaiah 62:2 (NIV) tells us, The nations will see vindication, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

What is your new name?What do you need to call yourself?Begin calling yourself that today.Begin claiming it as your own.It will shape your future and awaken God’s destiny for your life.

There comes a time when we have to step out and live Mercy.

We all have times and seasons where God draws us to Himself for a time of healing, believing, growing, and dreaming.We love this house called Mercy.We love its safety and its peace.It reminds us how God never gave up on us.How He filled us with His grace and mercy.

And it is His mercy that we must now live.There always comes a time when we must leave this place and learn how to carry His mercy with us deep in our souls as we enter a new season with God.

Tucking the Gospel of Jesus in our hearts, we begin to extend that same love and mercy to those around us.We must move into our lives, our homes, our relationships, our workplace, and bring His mercy with us.Speak mercy.Pray mercy.Live mercy.

We are not as we once were.We are no longer blind, our faith no longer tender shoots that bend and sway with the wind.

We are maturing, growing stronger, steadier by the day.

We will stagnate if we stay.We must step out and live Mercy.

God has a plan and a purpose for each one of us.If we hold fast to mercy, if we stay close to His side, abiding in His love, He will bring His will to pass in our lives. We will be pouring mercy into other people’s lives. We will find our purpose.We will be living our destiny.

I Thess 5:24 (NIV)tells us, The One who called you is faithful and He will do it.

Do you trust Him enough to follow Him?Do you believe He has brought you this far?

Why then, would He bring you this far just to abandon you, or forsake you?  The answer is —He wouldn’t.

My encounter with a house called Mercy was stunning, compassion-stirring, captivating.I did not walk away unchanged.

What will you do with Mercy?Will you let it overwhelm you, stir you, captivate you?Above all, please don’t walk away from God's mercy unchanged.Let His mercy rescue you, let mercy give you a new name, let it transform you so that you can give it away in every situation and every circumstance.

One step at a time.One person at a time.

I want to ask each one of my readers, Will you take one of the names of the men listed in this post and will you write it down and commit to pray for them?Will you participate in the work that God is doing in their lives?

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Mercy House

Mercy House is a biblically based, one-year residential program that daily invests in men to empower them to live out their best lives – free from addiction, rooted in their worth and purpose, and making a positive impact in the community around them.

Men who are trapped in addiction and life-controlling behaviors are being holistically transformed and launched into a lifetime of freedom, purpose, and life-giving community.

Men of Mercy House Video

https://vimeo.com/208404279

Mercy House Facebook Link

If you or a loved one who struggles with addiction, please reach out!

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May 28, 2019

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Because It Takes a Warrior Mindset to Win The Spiritual Mind War #BattleReadyBook

It steals in quietly before the first flicker of dawn.  It’s grey shadows move across my unconscious mind, hovering overhead, bearing down on my disquieted sleep.

One tiny thought disrupts any hope of peaceful rest and within an instant pulls me under, dragging me into the deep where thoughts swallow me whole like the whale that swallowed Jonah.

Fear.Cold, callous fear.At times, fear consumes me before I can even catch my breath.

An enigmatic enemy, a formidable foe and an opportunistic oppressor, fear steals the ground underneath my feet and leaves me hanging by a thread.Lost, without hope.

Hopelessness betrays any prospect of faith and holds me both terrorized and terrified by the deep pangs of fear itself.My body knows the tremors.It has memorized the movements within and almost instinctively sways underneath such a fierce weight.

Charles Spurgeon once said of fear,

The worst evils of life are those which do not exist except in our imagination. If we had no troubles but real troubles, we should not have a tenth part of our present sorrows. We feel a thousand deaths in fearing one, but the (Christian) is cured of the disease of fearing.

Sometimes my battle with fear has gotten the best of me, but I’m no longer surrendering the fight in my effort to escape its terror.I’m not sitting back, waiting for its mighty force to invade my peace sanctuary.No longer holding my breath in dread, hoping it somehow passes me by, because in reality, it never does.

I’m learning to attack it…with a vengeance.This is all-out war and I’m in training to become a mind warrior, a thought gladiator.I’m purposing myself for the fight and I’m going in battle-ready!

No matter what our struggle is, be it fear, panic, worry, or despair, the battle will be won or lost in our minds and as Christians, we have so many tools to fight the spiritual battle —and win.Here are three truthsI’ve learned from the book, Battle Ready: Train Your Mind to Conquer Challenges, Defeat Doubt, and Live Victoriouslyby Kelly Balarie, that can equip each of us —because it takes a warrior mindset to win the spiritual mind war!

#1 Truth —We have a spiritual enemy who is trying to defeat us

Sometimes we lose focus.Sometimes the circumstances of life distract and overwhelm us to the point we forget the most important thing —this is war, and we better prepare ourselves to win, or be prepared to lose.

It’s that simple.

Ephesians 6:12(NIV) says, For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm.

I Peter 5:8-9(NIV) also says that, Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

They say the best defense is offense. That’s why we don’t have the choice of sitting back, of settling in, or of living our spiritual life on cruise control.

And God is right here in the battle with us. He sees us in our struggles, He understands every sorrow and every soul ache.He stands there waiting for us —to lead us, guide us, coach us and strengthen us for the fight.He wants us to be aware so that we can be prepared.

We have an enemy who is trying to defeat us…but we know that, the One who is in [us] is greater than the one who is in the world. (I John 4:4, NIV)

We’ve got this, if we lean in and seize it.

#2 Truth —We can become mind warriors for a spiritual mind war

We don’t always have to run from the demons in the headlights.We don’t have to cower at the thought of battle.We don’t.

Our power comes from within.Christ in us, the hope of glory, lives within and He gives us the supernatural power to take back the negative thought-patterns, the destructive beliefs about ourselves and others, and reclaim our minds as God’s territory.

In Battle Ready,Kelly Balarie states, The thoughts I sow create the life I reap.

Battle Readyexplains so much about the types of negative thinking and how they form destructive neural pathways in our brains.But the great news is, our brains are flexible, a trait called neural plasticity, and what was learned can be unlearned, giving us the power to train our minds toward more hopeful, more truthful, more compassionate internal thought patterns.

Take the ‘Find Your Battle-Style Quiz’NOW and create a personalized daily battle plan !!!!!

2 Corinthians 10:5(NIV) also tells us to, demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

If the Bible commands us to take every thought captive, perhaps it is because He has already empowered us to do it. We don’t have to wait for the miracle, the miracle is here.

It is our choice whether we engage the battle to win, or sit quietly on the sidelines and settle into the rhythms of defeat, succumb to the ‘I can’t’mentality, and surrender the war that Christ has already won on our behalf.

We can become mind warriors in this spiritual war, and we can win.The battle has already been won.Let’s go claim the victory.

#3 Truth —We can prepare for battle with prayerful minds and thankful hearts

When we are focused on our fear, consumed by our circumstances, it is hard to feel prayerful or thankful for much of anything.All we see is an endless desert wasteland and all we want is to see the Promised Land.

Like the Israelites wandering in the wilderness, we grumble.We complain.We despair.

We say,

How did this happen?

Where is God?

Why have You not rescued me?

A prayerful mind says,

I feel overwhelmed, but I will cast all of my cares on You.

I don’t know what to do, but I will put my trust You.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know You hold my future.

A thankful heart says,

Thank You for Your faithfulness to me in the midst of my circumstances.

Thank You for Your goodness at work in my life even when I can’t see.

Thank You for the gift of Your presence because that is all I need.

So subtle, yet so powerful.Battle Readyshares strategies to teach us how we can shift our focus and cultivate prayer and thankfulness as a battle strategy to overcome and win.

Phillippians 4:8 (NIV)encourages us, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

So when the grey shadows try to steal quietly overhead, when darkness moves in at the first light of dawn attempting to drown me in fear, I have a battle plan. You can have a battle plan, too.You can recognize the enemy.You can become mind warriors for this spiritual mind war we’re in.You can prepare for battle with prayerful minds and thankful hearts.

Our God has won, so I know we will win.We will win as long as we’re geared up and Battle Ready!

Would you take 30 seconds of your time and click here, scroll down and vote for #10 in the comments section?It’s that easy.Would you also help share across your social media platforms, encouraging others to vote as well?

Take the ‘Find Your Battle-Style Quiz’NOW and create a personalized daily battle plan !!!!!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

How to Renew Your Mind In Truth In Order To Be "Battle Ready"

Sometimes we find ourselves living out past lies, old misbeliefs, distorted assumptions.  We wonder why our lives keep repeating the same patterns over and over again with no relief, and certainly no transformation.  Does it get any better than this?  YES!  I'm so excited to have my friend, mentor, and faith cheerleader, Kelly Balarie, in the community today.  Kelly knows a lot about being "Battle Ready," because she has faced many battles of her own, and learned how to fight back, to renew her mind, and conquer the challenges life can bring. 

By: Kelly Balarie

Don’t doubt the power of your mind. This football-sized mass has the power to create and recreate everything in your life. This is why Jesus tells us not to conform to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind.

If we renew our mind, it is like getting a re-do on life. Rather than continuing with old patterns, ways of doing things or habits, we get an upgrade.

You know, when my boy was a baby: he spent nearly every waking hour of every night screaming crying.

My mind now, occasionally hears that baby voice of his crying late at night. He’s 6.

This traumatic time was emblazoned in my mind. The trauma is still there. The memory is still there. The fear is still there.

Another example of this is my finger. When I was a kid I had to feel for a little bump on my right hand finger (where I sucked my thumb) to know the difference between right and left. I still when, deciphering right between left, mentally think about feeling for that bump. My mind was trained in this.

When we experience something again and again, we expect it. We expect a husband to treat us a certain way. We expect pain to keep hitting us as it always has. We expect people to abandon us. Our mind tells us: this is normal. The pain you dealt with from back then is going to happen…

…unless we renew our mind.

To renew your mind is to dig up all the old lies, mistruths, perceptions and fears and to replace them with God’s truth, hope, life, grace and fullness.

It is to break the power of what was, for Who Is. The I AM.

When you know God is I AM, and you let your mind conceive that truth, he overpowers all the ways you tell yourself: I am not…, I am never…., I am going to….

Mistruths become truth when a woman dedicates her to the biblical wisdom, practical application and habit-forming strategies that come with abiding in Christ.

Do you know them? I wrote the book Battle Ready as a practical manual to help those struggling with doubt, discouragement, despair or devestation. The whole purpose of the book is to help you renew your mind with the Mind of Christ and to experience His freedom.

Many are getting touched by this message. Lives are changing. People are finding new hope.

Will you be one of them?

About Battle Ready: Train Your Mind to Conquer Challenges, Defeat Doubt & Live Victoriously

"The best time to be strengthened against the Enemy's tactics of doubt, disappointment, and devastation is before he makes his first move toward us. We all desperately needthe biblical guidance and preparation found in Battle Ready!"

Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times bestselling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries

Battle Ready is a hands-on scriptural plan that teaches you twelve easy-to-implement, confidence-building mind-sets designed to transform your thoughts and, therefore, your life. You'll gain practical wisdom, like how to

· make new habits stick in just five steps · disarm the seven most common attacks that plague women · exchange self-limiting thoughts for purpose-driven, love-releasing thoughts · implement thirty-second mind-lifters that deliver peace · create boundaries so you live life full of what matters

Buy Battle Ready here: https://amzn.to/2l5qQrw

To get Battle Ready freebies - printables, devotional reminders, a customizable daily Battle Plan and the “Find Your Battle Style” quiz, visit: www.iambattleready.com

To order the companion Battle Ready Daily Prayer Journalthat will help you practically change your thoughts, then your life, visit:

Kelly Balarie, an author and national speaker, is on a mission to encourage others not to give up. Through times of extreme testing, Kelly believes there is hope for every woman, every battle and in every circumstance. She shares this hope on her blog, Purposeful Faith, and on many writing publications such as Relevant, Crosswalk, and Today's Christian Woman. Kelly's work has been featured on The Today Show, 700 Club Interactive, Moody Radio and other television and radio broadcasts. When Kelly is not writing, she is chilling at the beach with her husband, a latte, and 2-toddlers who rightfully demand she build them awesome castles.

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Two Reasons We Must ‘Burn The Ships’ In Our Past In Order To Claim Our Future

  I recently read a story about Spanish explorer Hernan Cortes who, in 1519, set sail for Mexico with a total of 11 ships, 13 horses, 110 sailors, and 533 soldiers.He faced a population of five million indigenous people, which meant, the deck was slightly stacked against him as he approached land.

Previous expeditions had failed.But what Cortes did after landing was something seismic.He issued an order that turned this mission into an all-or-nothing proposition.He yelled out to his crew, Burn the ships!On his order, they set everything ablaze, watching their fleet burn before their eyes.

They had to burn everything that gave them an option for retreat, if they were going to lean-in and embrace the challenges of conquering new territory, of fighting an unknown enemy, of reaching out to lay hold of their uncertain destiny.

While the historical context of their pursuit can be debated, what I am learning about my own journey is how easy it is for me to keep one hand reaching forward into the future while tightly gripping things in my past.

As a therapist, I see the past as a necessary exploration to understand and heal so that we can successfully unhook from the powerful forces that forged an unhealthy, unbalanced, unclear identity within us. This freedom allows us to embrace a new identity, rooted and planted in the soil of our belovedness, firmly established in life-giving forces that lead to greater boldness, clarity, and strength for our future.

Like the children of Israel longed to return to slavery in Egypt, we too, have a tendency to go back to the familiar, to lean on an identity of victimization, of anger, of brokenness that has defined us, but has never yielded the life of abundance for which we’ve longed.The past can be so easy to revisit, to distill, to own as our soul-self even though it has brought no healing, no relief, certainly no life.

What I know is that at some point in our lives, each of us must make the choice —to burn the ships of our past identity in order to reach forward and cultivate our new identity in Christ, or to stay chained to our past, its influences, and heartaches and continue to live out of its power and its pain.

Here are two reasons we need to burn the ships of our past identity and claim the destiny God has for us.

You cannot bring the old into the new.

You cannot pour new wine into old wineskins.You cannot bring Egypt into the Promised Land —its beliefs, traditions, its ways.It will contaminate you.Infiltrate you.Overtake you, every time.The only way to move into and claim your new country, your new identity as God’s Beloved, healed, whole, complete, is to release all that has held you captive, all that has defined you, writing both unholy and unkind words over your life. You cannot build a new, healthy identity on an old foundation that is cracked and crumbling.

2 Cor 5:17-18 (NIV)tells us, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

You have an idea what the new country looks like. Still, you are very much at home, although not truly at peace, in the old country. You know the ways of the old country, it’s joys and pains, its happy and sad moments. You have spent most of your days there. Even though you know that you have not found there what your heart most desires, you remain quite attached to it. It has become part of your very bones.

Now you have come to realize that you must leave it and enter the new country, where your Beloved dwells. You know that what helped and guided you in the old country no longer works, but what else do you have to go by? You are being asked to trust that you will find what you need in the new country. _Henri Nouwen – "The Inner Voice of Love"

You can burn the ships of your past.You can let go of the identity that has broken you, and brought you to this place.Right here, right now, lean forward and grab hold of the truth of your authentic self, as one who is held and loved by God.Claim compassion, kindness, truth, as your identity instead of condemnation, deception, and destruction.Claim your freedom —today.

Your past identity says:

I’m broken

I’m bad

I’m not enough

God cannot love someone like me

Others will leave me

I’m not worthy of love

Your present identity says, because of Christ:

I’m healing

I am worthy

I am enough

I am loved with an eternal love

God will never leave me

I am God’s Beloved and I am worthy of love

Burn the ships!The old country is not an option.The new country is right before your eyes.And what it has to offer you is worth it!

To read more about identity, read "How To Walk Away From Your Pain and Embrace  a Life of Peace!"

You Cannot Claim Your Destiny As Long As Plan B Is An Option

You survived your childhood, you did.You were a brave little thing. No one should have experienced, endured, or overcome so many obstacles, much less scaled the mountainous terrain that stood in your way.You made it.

But the survival skills you needed in your childhood are hurting, limiting, even destroying your life and relationships today as an adult.They squeeze you from the inside out.Suffocate any hope of something different, something new, something boldly healthy.

As long as Plan B is an option, you will always willfully linger.Subtly stagnate.Hesitation will cover each step you take and you will never gain traction, heart-momentum, or passionate vision for your healing or your future.

You must burn the ships.You must stop looking back, longingly, to the old city like Lot’s wife did.It will winnow away any hope of conquering, of claiming this new life and this new land that is yours to possess. It will leave you as dust.

Genesis 19:26 (NIV) warns, But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

Your new country, your new identity is full of hope, freedom, and a future.Your relationships are safe, solid, and strong because your identity is the very same.Fear no longer holds you captive.Shame no longer calls you by name.

Your name is Beloved.Remember that —Beloved.You indeed are worthy, enough, safe, complete, whole, and prized.This is your identity and your destiny.

Burn the ships!Your future awaits you!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891