Yes, the waters in the deep can be rough. They are a vast expanse of all that is unsettled and unknown. They stir every worry and every fear, bringing doubt and hopelessness to crest wildly at the surface. God didn’t bring us into the deep to drown us, He brought us here to transform us.
Viewing entries tagged
strength
Sometimes the only one way to deal with fear – is to fight it. We’ve got to stop hiding in the corner, stop shaking in our shoes. In the face of such an opponent, our only response is to put on our big girl boots and kick fear all the way to the curb.
Fear can take over our lives if we let it. I know it used to take over my life at times. Fear consumed so much of my mental, physical, even my spiritual energy. I felt helpless to overcome the waves of sheer terror that pounded on my heart and mind.
I shared a few months back about my journey with fear and how it had resurfaced recently after more than twenty years. When I had the first panic attack, I said, Aw, just a anomaly. Nothing to worry about. When I had the second I got a bit concerned, and after the third, I began to get serious.
I needed every tool I could find, every ounce of strength I could muster. I needed emotional strength. I needed physical strength. And I needed spiritual strength.
You see, God wants us to use ALL of our resources to fight the battle against the enemy. He doesn’t want us fighting with one hand tied behind our back, tripping over ourselves in our despair and fatigue.
Here are four practical ways you can fight fear spiritually and win the battle once and for all.
Don’t Pretend
Many of us like to color a pig and call it pretty. But it’s not. Never will be. We can’t pretend that fear isn’t real. We can’t run and hide.
Our first step towards healing is to acknowledge that our fear is real so we can begin to face it head-on instead of burying our heads in the sand. Like they say, denial is not just a river in Egypt.
One article in Psychology Today suggests,
A lifestyle of "not-knowing" requires that we subscribe to the old adage that what we don't know won't hurt us. But the evidence of life shows that this just isn't true. As a way of life, hear no evil-see no evil-speak no evil is a recipe for disaster. Denial may offer the appeal of short-term bliss, but it prevents us from taking responsibility for things that really do matter, things we could do something about.
Give Your Fears A Name
When I’m able to identify my fear, that’s half of the battle.
Are you afraid of —death, dying, heights, or diseases? What about fear of loss, loneliness, rejection, abandonment, intimacy? Is you fear more about shame, criticism, failing, being humiliated or simply being enough? Are you afraid of losing your health, your wealth, your safety and security? Perhaps your fear is about spiders and creepy-crawlies that make you squirm in terror?
Give your fears a name.
Speak The Truth That You Know About God
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God is faithful.
Lamentations 3:22–23 (NLT)The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.
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God is all-powerful.
Isaiah 40:29 (NLT) He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.
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God will never leave you.
Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) Be strong and courageous. DO not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
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God is for you.
Romans 8:31 (NIV) What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
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God is good.
Psalms 136:1 (NIV)Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.
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God fights for you.
Deuteronomy 20:4 (ESV)For the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies; to give you the victory.
I want to introduce you to one of my favorite fear-fighters. She is my dear friend and blogging mentor, Kelly Balarie. Her website is PurposefulFaith.com.
Earlier this year, Kelly came out with a new book called Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage To Overcome Your Fears and it is just that—a manual to come face-to-face with our deepest fears, and use God’s strength to awaken our courage and overcome every anxiety, worry, or doubt that stands in our way.
Kelly is a natural cheerleader. When I first entered the blogging community, Kelly was the first to reach out and invite me into her group. Every time I am discouraged, doubting my words or my calling, Kelly is right there to energize and encourage. And that’s precisely what she does with this book.
It’s far less about having shining circumstances or a picture of a sparkling future or an image with no cracks and much more about the small choice to remove your shoes in faith, knowing God’s planning goodness for you. Fear Fighting– pg 42.
She beautifully weaves her own experience with fear and teaches us how to allow the Spirit to rise up within us to help us fight our fears. She shows us how to identify fear-inducers like the devil, control, people-pleasing, worry, comparison, and many more, so we can demolish every fear the enemy would use to defeat us and destroy us.
With a clear action plan and a twelve-week study guide, this book will help arm you, inspire you, and encourage you. It will help you find the bravery and strength you never knew existed so you can discover as Kelly describes, the beautiful woman God created you to be.
What Is a Fear Fighter?
A fear fighter doesn't look around but rather inside for strength. She doesn't back down to naysayers but says God will help her. She doesn't see the waves as waters ready to sink her but floats to new heights.
She doesn't fear the truth but voices it, knowing it heals. She doesn't live a fake faith but finds a small seed within and nurtures it. She doesn't feel like a puppet, moving to the sway of the world, but dances.
She loses herself in vast Love to find herself loved. She will be you and she will be me, only by the power of the Holy Spirit.Fear Fighting _pg. 16
This book was named as one of Kathy Lee Gifford’s favorites on the Today Show. It has been a bestseller and there’s a reason why.
We all face fear. We all struggle to silence the roar of lies that invades our hearts. We all long for the bravery of a lion to stop running and start fighting. We dream of facing our fear-Goliath and standing with arms in the sky as we conquer this foe once and for all.
Fear Fighting gives us the roadmap based on God’s Word. I am ready to be a fear-fighter. I’m ready to be done with this mess called fear. I’m ready to live life to the fullest, to find joy, contentment, and peace. Are you ready?
Let’s do this together!
About This Community
Don't we all want a little peace? My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships. Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!
About Peace for a Lifetime
In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!
Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.
Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/15539289
The Secret Of Delayed Gratification
Could you sit with your favorite cookie in front of you and not eat it? Could you eye a favorite shirt at the department store and make a choice not to buy it?
Surprisingly, many individuals can’t. Whether in their relationships with finances, food, work, or romance, many people find it difficult-to-impossible to resist the urges they feel in order to avoid impulse decisions. Why do you think rates of personal debt are so high and savings are so low? Why do you think rates of obesity are at epidemic levels? Why do you think relationships are more volatile and strained than ever before?
The Marshmallow Experiment
In 1970 psychologist Walter Mischel famously placed a marshmallow in front of a group of children and gave them a choice: they could eat the marshmallow immediately, or they could wait until he returned a few minutes later and then be rewarded with a second. If they didn’t wait, however, they would not get a second marshmallow.
The choice was simple: they could have one treat right now or two treats later.
Upon leaving, many children ate the marshmallow almost immediately. A few, though, resisted eating the first marshmallow long enough to receive the second.
Mischel termed these childrenhigh-delay children.
Published in 1972, this popular study became known as The Marshmallow Experiment, but it wasn't the treat that made it famous. The fascinating part came years later.
The Power of Delayed Gratification
Interestingly, the children who were best able to delay gratification in the marshmallow experiment, later on did better in school and had fewer behavioral problems than the children who could only resist eating the marshmallow for a few minutes.
As adults, the high-delay children ended up having higher SAT scores, lower levels of substance abuse, lower likelihood of obesity, better responses to stress, better social skills as reported by their parents, and generally better scores in a range of other life measures. In contrast, the children who had the most trouble delaying gratification had higher rates of incarceration as adults and were more likely to struggle with drug and alcoholaddiction.
The researchers followed each child for more than 40 years. Repeatedly, the group who waited patiently for the second marshmallow succeeded in whatever capacity they were measuring. In other words, this series of experiments proved that the ability to delay gratification was critical for success in life.
The Bible speaks clearly to the concept of self-control. Here are a few verses that show the importance God places on the ability to delay gratification, to manage our emotional impulses and to make wise choices for ourselves both short-and long-term.
Proverbs 25:28 (ESV) A person without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken-down walls.
Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self- control. Here there is no conflict with the law.
2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
Titus 2:2 (NLT)Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have strong faith and be filled with love and patience.
2 Peter 1:5,6 (NIV)For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness.
God thinks this is pretty important, huh? That is why I wrote my book, Peace For a Lifetime. It speaks to the vital nature of our relationship with our emotions, our need to feel, understand, and think differently so we can effectively and wisely manage our impulses in order to achieve the plans God has designed for us.
Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future lives and crimes to society. _Daniel Webster
Learning To Say ‘No’ To Ourselves
So is this where we give up, tell ourselves we would have taken the marshmallow and sulk in our hot chocolate? I hope not!
What I love so much about the journey is that Emotional Abundance is never too late to develop or acquire. You may not be good at delayed gratification today, but you can always train yourself, just like you train your muscles at the gym.
In his book, Play The Man, NY Times bestselling author, Mark Batterson, talks about the secret sauce to success in self-control. He states, We want success without sacrifice, but life doesn’t work that way. Success will not be short-changed. You have to pay the price, and it never goes on sale. The best decision you can make for yourself is making decisions against yourself.
[clickToTweet tweet="The best decision you can make for yourself is making decisions against yourself. _Mark Batterson" quote="The best decision you can make for yourself is making decisions against yourself."]
Exercising the no muscle gave Jesus the strength to withstand the temptations of satan in the wilderness, and the no muscle is the one thing that will help you withstand the temptations you face throughout your day. Exercising discipline physically helps develop discipline spiritually and emotionally.
As Batterson adds, Discipline begets discipline.
What area do you need to develop your no muscle? Where are your triggers? What areas do your children have difficulties using their no muscles?
Is it hard for you to say no to:
- food?
- spending money?
- an angry outburst when something doesn’t go your way?
- your sexual appetites?
- making everyone around you happy?
- social media?
- what about video games, technology, alcohol, sports?
The next time you find yourself having the impulse to do something you know you shouldn’t —to skip the work project you should really get done, or to buy something you shouldn’t just because you want it —don’t. Yes, don’t.
Strengthening Our 'No' Muscles
Instead, allow yourself to feel the emotions inside when you say no to yourself. Listen to name the emotions, understand where they are coming from, and coach yourself honestly and truthfully through the emotions towards a positive reward at the end.
The truth for me is, I don’t really need this extra helping of mashed potatoes. The truth is, what I am really wanting is to feel loved and valued. The truth is, God loves me and I love me. I want to care for myself well and get my body in the shape that would make me feel best. And the truth is, if I don’t get that extra helping right now, I will give myself my favorite fruit after my workout as a treat. And my body will thank me later. That will be the best gift to myself.
We can do this!
Hebrews 4:15 (NIV) tells us, For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.
John 16:33 (NIV) adds, I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
We can develop our ability to delay gratification and in doing so, we will watch everything around us begin to change. Life becomes calmer, we are better able to manage our emotions, our time, our resources, and we get to experience the life we’ve always dreamed.
Life does not always have to feel out of reach. Success isn’t just for someone else. Peace is achievable, sustainable.
Yes, delaying gratification is definitely worth the wait!
About This Community
Don't we all want a little peace? My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships. Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!
About Peace for a Lifetime
In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!
Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.
Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891
Yes, I heard it a lot growing up. The word no. It’s such a little word with a lot of influence on parents and kids.
No, you cannot watch television all day.
No, you may not skip dinner.
No, you may not use the car.
This word has fallen out of vogue in many families, almost like an old shoe that no longer fits. We've opted for a more friendly, egalitarian approach to raising our kids. We read all of the parenting books that told us somehow we could raise kids with full, tender hearts and no wounds. We learned to flitter around like butterflies and protect our little ones from any heartache or disappointment that a bad grade or a missed field goal would inflict. In the process we removed the word no from our vocabulary, as if in removing the word, we would remove any broken promises or tear-stained moments from their lives.
We know that many times we say no too often and too easily. We know when it's always on the tip of our tongue and right on the surface of our heart, the word no renders it less effective. We know that used in anger and frustration, this word can destroy a child’s soul and dim the flicker of hope in their eyes.
What I am coming to believe, though, is that by never saying no, we as parents are becoming increasingly overprotective. As a result, we are producing children who have a belly full of I want's, that's not fair's, and I deserve's that leave them emotionally starving, fragile, and ill-equipped for the real world. Because they have never had to feel what it feels like to stumble and fall, nor build the I can attitude that comes from persevering in the face of obstacles and opposition, they are in essence, set up to fail.
In a recent HuffPost article, Lori Freson, M.A., LMFT says, News flash: Kids need you to say ‘no.’ Children are not emotionally or developmentally equipped to make major decisions or rules, or to self-regulate. That’s your job. And if you don’t do it, your child will feel a sense of confusion and internal chaos.
I know we're all doing our best to make it through the day, but perhaps we need a different perspective on our parenting. As Dr. Robin Berman, Los Angeles-based psychiatrist and author states, Parenting is not a democracy; it's a benevolent dictatorship. While we need to listen better so that we can hear our kid's emotional heartbeat, we also need to stand firm when we draw boundaries for respect and responsibility, if we want our children to dream big dreams and see them come to life.
[clickToTweet tweet="Parenting is not a democracy; it's a benevolent dictatorship. _Dr. Robin Berman" quote="Parenting is not a democracy; it's a benevolent dictatorship. _Dr. Robin Berman"]
Proverbs 3:11-12 (NIV) says, My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
There are four reasons our children NEED to hear the word no:
They need to learn how to respect others.
Many young adults today have little respect in their hearts. They've had a lifetime of training that has led them to believe they possess equal power and position to the adults in their lives. Focused primarily on getting what they want, they resist respecting their parents, grandparents, teachers, or coaches based on their position of authority in their lives. You can hear it from teenagers all around— I respect my parents when they let me do what I want to do.
The problem is that as these kids of ours become adults, if they have not been taught a healthy respect for authority, they will always be fighting against someone—their bosses, their spouses, and yes, even God. By saying no to them now, we are allowing them to learn firsthand how to respect us as the God-given authority in their lives. And yes, we are also teaching them how to respect God. What a world of blessing to them as they start building their lives in a complex world filled with even more complex relationships.
Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor. I Peter 2:17 (NIV)
They need to learn that the world owes them nothing.
Most of us have experienced having to live with no’s in our lives—whether they are no’s to our career ambitions, to our hopes and dreams, even to our health and wellbeing. It doesn’t take too long in adulthood to realize that no can be a common, if not undesirable theme.
When kids get everything they want, they get entitled, and when they get entitled, they get selfish, according to Britney at Equipping Godly Women. If we want our children to thrive, they need to experience what no feels like so they can develop better self-reliance and resilience, both necessary traits to successfully accomplish their goals in life. Children who never hear no's are rarely grateful for the yes’s in their lives.
[clickToTweet tweet="Children who never hear no's are rarely grateful for the yes’s in their lives." quote="Children who never hear no's are rarely grateful for the yes’s in their lives."]
So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’ Luke 17:10 (NIV)
They need to learn to recognize warning signs to danger.
If children are never told no, they fail to develop some important internal cues that will protect them from potentially harmful or dangerous situations. Whether it is, No, don’t touch the hot stove, or No, don’t play in the street, parents need to remember that children are not small adults. They have not yet fully developed advanced cognitive reasoning skills needed to assess risk and employ protective strategies. It is our job to teach them.
By placing limits and saying no, children learn to recognize early signals to potential danger and develop the necessary skills to keep themselves safe. They are better at learning whom to trust, and when to trust, experiencing less heartache and disappointment from learning how to deal with toxic people and situations.
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty. Psalm 22:3 (NIV)
They need to learn to regulate their emotions.
Many times parents avoid telling their children no, not because it is right or called for but because they fear upsetting them. They fear disappointing them. They fear losing their love. Fear of our children and their moods should never be the guiding factor behind our parenting.
Our children need to feel the pangs of disappointment that come from no and learn to sort through the most uncomfortable, even hurtful emotions more effectively. We cannot spend our lives trying to protect them from every pain and discouragement that comes along. We CAN prepare them to deal well in any situation life will bring.
Romans 8:28 (NIV) says, We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.
Psalms 42:11 (NIV) states, Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
I am not suggesting we become tyrants or overuse our no’s. We need to also reach into their tender hearts and listen to hopes and dreams that don't have words, and unpack the wounded moments that they are, in their own way, trying to share. Yet I do believe we can use our no's appropriately and effectively to help our children develop skills such as self-reliance, self-discipline, respect, integrity and a host of other crucial character traits. Let’s learn to use our no’s wisely and calmly so we can strengthen and fortify our children, thus empowering their lives and futures.
About This Community
Don't we all want a little peace? My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships. Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!
About Peace for a Lifetime
In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!
Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.
Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891
It was an earlier night than usual. Thankful to be leaving the office ahead of schedule, I began to pull down the driveway and head for home. I still had a few minutes before the sun set. It was a warm, yet lovely evening.
I hadn't driven more than a few feet when I realized something was wrong. Instinctively I stopped, got out, and began to walk around my SUV. When I rounded the back corner I noticed it - a flat tire.
It wasn't just a little low on air, it was completely flat.
Weird, I thought. I just drove back from lunch a few hours ago and everything was fine. Now what?
I reached for my phone and dialed. As soon as my husband answered and learned of my distress, he was on his way. When he arrived, he immediately shined his lights on my car so he could see to change the flat tire.
He began to assemble his tools and went to work as the light around us quickly dimmed. He not only changed the tire, he gently walked me step by step through the process, teaching me how to change one, if I were ever in a situation where I needed to.
As the sun finally slid beneath the horizon and the beautiful countryside went dark, we finished up, put on the spare tire, and headed home. He followed me the entire drive home through the winding country roads with their steep embankments. The light from his car was never far behind. What care and protection I felt in that moment.
The next day as I thought through the events of the night before, I suddenly realized, Isn't that the way God is with me? Isn't He always ready to rescue me in my mess, in my need, in my despair?
The moment I call, He doesn't put me on hold, He doesn't ignore my plea. He is always present, always available, always ready to meet me wherever I am, whatever my need.
2 Chronicles 16:9 (NKJV) reminds me that, The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.
He is ever-present for any of His children. He loves us. He waits for opportunities to care for us in the needful moments of our lives, to show Himself strong on our behalf. There is something so comforting and reassuring about resting in someone's strength. About exhaling our weakness and surrendering the weight of our world to someone utterly powerful, and willful, someone muscular, safe, and strong. He is strong.
I love that whenever He comes, He not only comes with strength, He also shines His light brightly wherever He goes, whether He shines it on my circumstances, whether He shines it on my path, or into my heart. His light is ever-present to reveal my pain, to heal my dulled, deep wounds, and to remove my darkest shame.
John 1:5 (NIV) reminds me that, The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
[clickToTweet tweet="John 1:5 (NIV) reminds me that, The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. " quote="John 1:5 (NIV) reminds me that, The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. "]
Isaiah 58:8 (NIV) adds, Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
His light shines into each moment as He guides me, teaches me, grows me up to be more and more like Him. He never leaves me stranded. He never leaves me helpless and unsure. He graciously and lovingly instructs me so that I can be prepared for whatever purpose He is calling me.
I love the end of Isaiah 58:8, when He says, the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Just like my husband following behind me down those dark and winding roads, God, too will always be shining His light, His glory, His protection from behind.
If you feel today that God has lost sight of you, that He's left you stranded and alone, He is waiting. He is present with you. He sees you in your distress. He stands there waiting for you. You can pick up the phone and call. He ran to my rescue, He will run to your rescue, too. He will bind up what is broken and heal what seems wounded to the core.
[clickToTweet tweet="He will bind up what is broken and heal what seems wounded to the core." quote="He will bind up what is broken and heal what seems wounded to the core."]
Have you called out to Him? Perhaps today is the day you ask Him to come save you from your sin, your pain, your hopelessness. Perhaps there is a struggle so dark and heavy, you feel like it just might swallow you whole.
Here's one thing I know - even when you're stranded on the side of the road and it feels like there's no hope in sight, your healing is just a simple call away.
How has God rescued you in your distress? How has He shined His light and followed you out of a dark place? I'd love to hear!
Blessings,
Lisa
About Lisa
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.
About Peace for a Lifetime
In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!
Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.
Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891
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How did that make you feel? It’s a question asked often by therapists. No, it’s not just a waste of time, nor is it an effort to turn us all into emotional washrags.
Every time I ask someone the question, “How did that make you feel?” they almost instantly stop, check into, and evaluate how a situation or a conversation made them feel. Sometimes individuals respond back with a blank expression, sometimes the only word they can identify is “frustration,” sometimes they can articulate a world of thoughts without ever being able listen to, make sense of, or do anything productive with their feelings.
God created our feelings. Our feelings are flashing lights on our journeys that help give us information, feedback, and insight for the road ahead. Our feelings also provide the most direct connection with our inner voice.
“What is an inner voice?” some might ask. Our inner voice is the place where the Holy Spirit communes with us. Scripture says the Holy Spirit would come to comfort, teach, and guide us. He speaks to us through Scripture, but He also speaks directly to us, deep inside. The problem is, most of us have never learned how to listen to our emotions, much less, quiet all of the outside noise so we can hear Him speak.
Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares the importance of discovering our inner voice so that we can build a strong connection with God and ourselves. God is alive and at work within us. We are not alone. Yet so many live without ever experiencing the communion, the abundance, or peace that comes from learning to identify, listen to, and trust our inner voice.
Deep inside each of us is a voice—a quiet, respectful, non-intrusive voice— that acts somewhat like an internal GPS system. If we lean in and quiet all of the chatter that incessantly distracts us, we can hear this voice. Some people call it our instinct. As a Christian, I call the voice the Holy Spirit. As Jesus promised, He resides in us, just to bring comfort, help, direction, wisdom, and guidance for our life’s journey. (John 14:26 NIV)
This inner voice can only be heard once we’ve connected our emotional pipes. Although the voice is not the voice of our emotions, its residence is deep within us. If we’ve shut ourselves off from our emotions, chances are high we’ve shut ourselves off from that voice as well.
As a result of painful, traumatic experiences, many people have learned to completely shut down their emotions as a survival skill. Others learn to live life disconnected from their emotions because they have been taught by their families of origin that emotions are bad (either verbally or nonverbally). They think they hear their inner voice. They believe this is the voice of logic and reason. They like to listen to this voice because listening keeps them at a comfortable distance from everything that isn’t clear-cut, black or white. Yet the voice of logic and reason, more sophisticated perhaps than our emotional voice, is not our inner voice anymore than the voice of emotion is.
Just as some people have been completely cut off from their emotions, others have been entirely lost in their emotions and overwhelmed by them. For a variety of reasons, they have never learned how to adequately calm or regulate their emotions. As a result, the volume of feeling is so high, the quality of thinking so distracted and disorganized, they cannot hear the voice inside either.
As we develop EA, our job is to find that place right in the middle of our thinking and feeling, which allows us to feel our emotions and calm them. Once we have done that, we can use our thinking to process through our emotions and arrive at a centered, peaceful place. Only then will we be quiet enough in our hearts and our minds to hear our inner voice, to listen to the whispered words of encouragement and direction offered for the steps that lie ahead.
Our inner voice rarely lays out the entire road map for us, but like any other relationship, as we learn to build a strong connection and trust our inner voice, we will find comfort in realizing we don’t need to know the entire plan. We’ll find strength in learning to honor our inner voice to take the next steps, whatever they may be. We will discover more about God and more about ourselves along the way.
That excites me! You don’t have to continue to feel drained, empty, and hopeless in your life. God has so much more in store for you! God longs for you to experience peace. “Peace” in Hebrew refers to wholeness, completeness, safety, soundness, and fullness. God wants us to be whole —physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!
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Were you ever afraid of the monsters in your closet as a child? Are there monsters in your life today, areas of your life that you have been too afraid to face, too overwhelmed to muster the courage to conquer?
Me, too. I spent much of my childhood afraid. I was afraid of the dark, afraid of being alone, afraid of being rejected, of being ridiculed, of not being enough.
My fear followed me, like my childhood monsters, into my adult life. They paralyzed me. They crippled me, until I was able to find the key that empowered me to face my deepest fears. It was so simple, right under my eyes, but I never saw it.
Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares how the power of relationship can help us overcome the monsters in our closets. We know running away from our fear doesn’t work. We know mantras don’t work. Pills only work for a brief period of time. It is intimate relationship that holds the power to break through the fear that holds you captive and build a foundation for your life that will stand solid and strong.
As a small child, I remember being afraid of the dark. I would get so scared before bed that every night I would scour the closet, search under the bed, and peer in every nook and cranny to make sure there were no monsters or ghosts hidden anywhere in my room. At bedtime, my mother would pray with me, and all would be well until she said goodnight and turned out the lights ... then things would get worse.
I could see the outline of the monsters moving through the shadows as the clouds passed over the moon in the night sky. I could hear creaks in the floor, and I would stay there with my fear rising until I could take no more. Then I would run to the safety of my mother’s room. I remember lying beside her bed on a blanket and thinking that as long as I could feel her hand rest on mine, I was okay, and I was safe! You see, my fear didn’t need a formula; my fear needed a person.
As an adult, what I need is not a mantra, nor a theme song, to pep me up for a few moments. What I need first and foremost is a relationship, an intimate encounter with the God of the Universe, who is so intimately acquainted with me that He numbered the hairs on my head.
Perhaps as we start our journey there, we will be able to muster the courage to face the monsters in our closets. I’m not saying this is a three-quick-steps-and- you’re-cured program. What I am proposing is a lifetime journey that begins with a relationship with your Heavenly Father.
I sometimes wonder what life would feel like today if I could actually feel God’s hand rest on mine, quietly, simply, as I make my way through the ordinary and sometimes unbearable tasks of the day. Though I cannot tangibly feel Him, He wants me to know Him intimately and to rest in Him just the same.
God wants to be more than a distant judge with a set of rules. He is so much more than a genie in a bottle. God wants to grow a relationship —an authentic, powerful relationship with you that will change your life forever. Being with Him, knowing Him, trusting Him will give you the strength and confidence to face whatever challenges or fears that threaten to overwhelm you today.
I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!
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We’ve all made them. New Year’s Resolutions. We’ve over-indulged through another holiday season and we’ve made the commitment to begin working out after the New Year.
We begin the process of getting ourselves up early in the morning so we can head to the gym. Each step, each day, an act of will. The first few weeks are horrific. Muscles that haven’t been exercised in years are throbbing from use. We are told to lean into the pain. “No pain, no gain” – right?
For those who make it past those first few weeks, things begin to change. The muscles that had initially ached now feel taut and lean. We can feel ourselves growing stronger. We feel good.
Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, where I describe the important truths exercise can teach us about our emotions. Physical exercise is necessary for our overall health, for us to grow. Yet if we spend our lives running away from the discomfort associated with exercise, we will never grow solid and strong. We will never know what physical health feels like.
The same is true for our emotional health. We will never experience the emotional health or abundance God desires for us if we spend our lives running from any painful or uncomfortable emotions. We will find freedom, fullness, and peace as we learn how to lean into and develop a new relationship with our emotions.
Growing is a double-edged sword. The results are generally positive, but the process never occurs without some amount of struggle, effort, and pain. A few years back, I decided the time had come for me to start exercising.
As I began to near my thirties and the realities of an aging metabolism set in, I decided that perhaps now was the time to dust off my 1980s aerobics gear and head to the gym. That my best friend was a body builder and trainer, not to mention that another sweet friend, Sheila, offered to train with me, I felt was divine providence. This is like a two-fer, I thought. This was perfect.
Neither Sheila nor I were fitness types. We probably had fairly similar body types and athletic skills. Nevertheless, we both showed up the first day eager to become lean and trim. We didn’t know what awaited us.
To say our trainer took her job seriously might have been an understatement. She kept yelling, “One more set, one more set!” I have never been a quitter, and so I tried my best to push through the pain in order to finish well. By the end of our first day, Sheila and I were both exhausted. I drove home feeling sore, but exhilarated. Once I arrived home, however, things began to change. Little by little, I noticed my soreness increased. By the next day, I could no longer walk up the stairs; I could only crawl. Sitting down and standing up became monumental and excruciating tasks. There were moments I thought the pain might never end.
Over time, the pain did subside. As my muscles toned, I felt stronger, more capable. I could walk farther and faster on the treadmill. Steadily I was increasing my weights and adding repetitions. I was feeling good. My physical body was growing, and the results were worth the struggle.
I distinctly remember hearing my trainer encourage me to “lean into the pain.” She would push me harder than I thought I was capable of going, not to run away from the exercise, but to press forward. What is the saying? “No pain, no gain?”
The same is true for our emotional growth as we work to cultivate peace with God. If we can lean into our emotions instead of becoming numb to them or distracting ourselves from them, we grow. If we can reason through our emotions, understand our emotions, and effectively manage our emotions, the more Emotional Abundance (EA) we build into our lives.
It is never too late to begin cultivating a new relationship with your emotions. You don’t have to keep running from difficult emotions. You can lean into your emotions and use them to gain insight, wisdom, and strength on your journey.
In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I’ve included more information about the importance of establishing a new relationship with your emotions. I’ve packed it with basic, easy-to-understand life steps that will yield abundance and peace in your life and relationships. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!
To learn more about the book, click HERE!
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Many of us watch the news each evening and wonder sadly how we as a country wandered so far off course? It doesn’t seem like that long ago when we as Americans were proud of the values we held – proud of our faith, proud of our work ethic, proud of what our nation stood for, proud that we lived in a land where we were free to pursue the dream that is uniquely American — the dream of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How quickly things have changed. It seems almost unbelievable. Yet if we look back at the underpinnings, we can see the shift that began long ago, and has led us to this place.
Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares the importance of anchors to a ship and to our lives. The truth is, just because we’ve found ourselves wandering off course doesn’t mean we have to continue wandering off course. We can re-establish our anchors. We can find the strength again that comes from a strong belief system rooted and grounded in our faith. We can re-discover our identity and create a foundation of peace. It is never too late.
Somewhere along the way, we seem to have lost our anchors. We have become unhooked from something larger than ourselves, and we are drifting— uncertain of where we’ve been, of where we’re going, of whom we are. When a ship is at anchor, that ship is more steady, more stable, its movements more controlled, and its energies better harnessed and disciplined. External forces such as wind and rain do little to shake the ship from its moorings or its purpose. If she slips her anchor, the ship becomes helplessly adrift. With no stability, the ship is at the mercy of nature—tossed about by the wind, left to wander aimlessly through the sea with no clear purpose or direction.
We are in many ways as a society, as a community, as a church, and as individuals as adrift as that ship. Where we lost our moorings, I’m not sure— perhaps when we eliminated prayer in the classroom, or when we began the process of removing God from every aspect of our government and our lives. What I do know is somehow, little by little, we began to slip away from a faith, a belief- system larger than ourselves to which we as a society were anchored. We didn’t pay much attention at first—the changes were small, imperceptible to most. But little by little, we too have become helplessly adrift. We say a prayer before we open a session of Congress, but most of our leaders have grown cynical and corrupt. They are no longer anchored to something that teaches and inspires them to grow in and hold firm to the virtues of character and integrity.
We say a vow before God as we enter into marriage, but countless marriage vows are broken and families destroyed because we are no longer tied to something larger than ourselves. Those tenets that guide our thoughts and behaviors and teach us to value honesty, integrity, and morality have been lost. We spend endless hours and dollars on education in an attempt to teach citizenship, honesty, and character to our children, but bullying, cheating, drugs, immorality, and disrespect have all reached epidemic proportions. We have systematically removed every anchor in society that tied us to anyone or anything greater than ourselves. In our pride and arrogance, we assumed we could teach these values, instill them in our children, and live them on our own without God. What we find is we’ve become a society that is a ship without an anchor. We have become disconnected from something larger that would provide stability, identity, direction, and purpose.
Do you feel like you are anchored into something greater than yourself today? Is there something that gives strength, meaning, and purpose to your life? Do you feel like you are wandering helplessly through life, never sure of what, if anything, you are committed to or where you are going?
Anchors are good. Anchors are strong. Anchors provide what we need to build a stable, abundant life. The materials in my book, Peace for a Lifetime, will give you more information and tools to help you build a strong, solid anchor for your life so that you can create and experience an indestructible peace —not just for today, not just for tomorrow, but peace…for a lifetime!
To learn more about the book, click HERE!
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Have you ever watched a house being built? Ever seen the concrete and steel foundation formed carefully and precisely for the house that will be constructed on top?
In construction, the foundation is everything. If the foundation is defective or faulty in any way, it can undermine the strength and stability of the external structure. An entire house can sink, settle, or even collapse if the foundation is not completely secured, solid and strong.
Building our lives is a lot like building a house. We, too, have a foundation. If our foundation is not formed wisely and carefully, everything we will build on top will be built on shaky ground. Our careers, our relationships, our finances and our faith are subject to collapse if the foundation of our life is not well-built, trustworthy and strong.
Yet most of us have spent very little time focusing on the foundation. Our culture likes shiny things. We like shiny new houses and shiny new cars. We tend to focus our time and energy on making sure our “house” is decorated beautifully, without realizing the importance of evaluating and securing what lies beneath.
God wants each of us to build wisely on a solid foundation. Matthew 7:24-25 (NIV) tells us that “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”
Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, where I share both the importance of building a strong foundation as well as the history of how we as a culture arrived with little to no understanding of foundations and the impact they will have on every area of our lives. The good news is that it is never too late to shore up the foundation of your life. You can take this season to check your foundation and make certain that it is strong enough to withstand the storms and pressures that life will bring.
How many of us rush around busy with life, our careers, families, goals, etc., preoccupied with building our own towers? How much of our time is invested in having the right house, working the right job, driving the right car, sending our children to the right school, or being involved with the right circle of people? We focus our energy on making sure the exterior is polished and impressive while we devote little, if any, energy to make sure the foundation upon which everything else rests is strong and sure. What I have come to realize is you cannot have one without the other. You cannot have the gleaming exterior, the lifestyle, or the status, if you haven’t built your life on a strong foundation—at least you won’t have them for long.
The recession in the U.S. economy over the last several years has revealed to us that the opulence of the ’80s and ’90s in many ways wasn’t real, but was a façade. And that façade looked so good! Everyone had so much—lavish homes, vacations, boats, cars, jewels, etc.—we seemingly thought we were living out an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.
Somewhere along the way in the last ten to twenty years, the ground beneath us as a society began to shift. We all felt the tremors. Perhaps we suspected something was awry, but very few of us were brave enough to question the foundation. Few of us were wise enough to spend time and energy focused on making our physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual foundations strong enough to bear the weight of the external structure.
I can’t help but think about the motto of financial guru, Dave Ramsey. He famously admonishes his audience to, “Live like no one else now so that later you can live like no one else!” His belief is if people will take a long, hard look at the financial area of their lives, and are willing to make some difficult choices today about how they spend their money, they will permanently alter their future financial trajectory and later will be in a position of financial freedom. In short, the sacrifices they are willing to make today will bring the rewards of financial peace tomorrow.
I wish we as individuals, couples, and families would have that same mindset and intensity in the emotional arena of our lives. What would happen if we could take a moment of our lives, a season, to embark on a journey of discovery and health? How much greater could our impact on the world be if we could check our emotional foundation from the bottom up and make sure the foundation on which we are building is strong and sure?
Is your foundation solid? Can it stand up to the stresses and strains of life? My new book, Peace for a Lifetime, will walk with you step by step to help you evaluate your life’s foundation. This material will provide simple, practical life steps that will help you build a foundation of indestructible peace —not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!
The foundation on which we build our lives is
the difference between life and death in a storm.
To learn more about the book, click HERE!
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I have felt the tremors shake the ground beneath my feet. I have heard the rumble of change in the distance. Maybe you have noticed it, too.
With the recent Supreme Court rulings, what once seemed like small shifts, infrequent adjustments, minor accommodations pulling at the fabric of our society, have now become seismic reverberations, undermining the foundation of everything we knew, or thought we knew. Almost with a single motion, the roots that held us together and strengthened us have been extracted, uprooted, undone.