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Three Ways To Reject Entitlement and Reclaim a Heart of Abundance

Three Ways To Reject Entitlement and Reclaim a Heart of AbundanceThree Ways To Reject Entitlement and Reclaim a Heart of Abundance

I’ve never seen barns so full while hearts are so empty.Never believed one could have everything and nothing at the same time.Yet they do.We do.  

Scarcity is all around us.In the middle of a field of crops so big and wide and deep, souls everywhere are starving, empty, hopeless.

I see it in our schools.I see it in our communities.I see it in our homes.

Hearts that scream,

I want…

I need…

I deserve…

Only the best…

Give me now…

We have so much, yet we are filled so little.Like God’s telling us time and again that the only thing worth filling our souls with is the infinite presence of His love.The gift of Himself.

For anyone who has felt the emptiness of entitlement and who longs for something more!For anyone who has felt the emptiness of entitlement and who longs for something more!

Most of us are less concerned with His presence and more concerned with His presents.

We are.We have become entitled. And it’s not just our kids.We grownups want to be happy, we are driven to be happy. We think the phrase, ‘happiness is next to Godliness’ is somewhere in the Bible and we settle our hearts on a never-ending claim to possess it, meanwhile throwing out any notion of searching for, leaning in, clinging on, to the One thing that will speak to us the truth .His truth.His directions for how we should live, love, lead, and work.

We merely cry out for Him to bless our mess.

And we wonder why our hearts are empty.We wonder why we don’t experience the abundance we desire so much.

Beloved, there is a difference between knowing who Christ is in our heads and knowing who He is as the Savior and Lord of our hearts.Do we even know what Lordship means?Do our kids?

We want the kinship without the Kingship.The rights of salvation without the responsibility of salvation.The life of entitlement without the way of the cross.

We live lives of abundance, but our hearts are often barren, scarce.Entitlement robs us of faith and leaves us emptied of soul and spirit.

Here are three ways we can reject entitlement in our hearts and our homes, and fill our lives with hope, abundance, and most of all peace.

Discipline our minds with truth.

We must learn to filter the thoughts in our minds that tell us lies about who we are or what we deserve.Minds filled with truth recognize our pitiful position as well as our desperate need for our Father.Minds filled with truth leave us both humbled and grateful for every good gift that comes our way.

The truth is,

I want, but I don’t need…

I need, but I can trust His hand and His timing…

I don’t deserve anything but eternal separation from God…

Only my best, is what I desire to give God and give others…

My soul waits upon the Lord.He is faithful…

2 Cor 10:5 (NIV) tells us that, We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Phil 4:8 (NIV) adds, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

To read more about what will fill us, read, The Only Remedy For the Hole Inside Our Hearts!

Fuel our destiny with responsibility.

We have robbed our children of their God-given destiny because, in our efforts to remove their struggle, we have removed their responsibility.

We all need responsibility.Personal responsibility.We need to understand directly the consequences of our actions and feel the fire that is sparked when the work of our hands meets God’s cadence and divine destiny awakens in every cell of our being.

That, my friends, is exciting!Passion and purpose rarely strike like lightning out of nowhere.They are cultivated, nurtured, like the five virgins who carefully and wisely prepared their lamps for the Bridegroom to arrive. (Matt 25:1-13)

How are you nurturing your destiny?Are you sitting back, waiting for destiny to greet you at your door, are you blaming others for its seeming delay, or are you preparing for its arrival with hard work, faithfulness, diligence and perseverance?

Do whatever is in front of you today.  Do it well. Give God your best and your destiny will be blessed and bountiful.

Col 3:23-24 (NIV) teaches, Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Infuse our hearts with gratitude.

A grateful heart is an abundant heart.Hearts that grumble and complain are never happy.Eyes that envy and seek their own satisfaction are rarely ever satisfied.

Wherever you are today, you can claim abundance.Want to be full?Start by listing the things for which you are grateful.Want to be rich?Start by thanking God for His gracious blessings in your life.

Do it and see what happens.

1 Thess 5:18 (NIV) encourages us to, Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I see God reclaiming His people.I see Him pouring Himself in us and through us.I see us becoming His hands and feet to the world around us right where we are, doing His will with whatever and whoever is in front of us.I see chains being broken and lives being changed.Hearts redeemed.

I see a storehouse filled to overflowing with God’s spirit.I see barns and businesses, homes and hopes, alive, awakened…abundant.I see His presence moving in and through us like never before.

Will you believe it with me?Will you cast aside entitlement?Will you join me in rediscovering the Biblical mindset of truth, responsibility, and gratitude?  Will you help pass it down to our children?

 

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Four Ways We Need To Change Our Perspective On Our Problems 

Have you ever felt slimed by an email? I mean, have you ever gotten an email that oozes with shame, judgment, and anger – all ‘in the name of Jesus?’ Ever felt the sting of someone else’s defenses because you wouldn’t tell them what they wanted to hear, abandon your boundaries, or share in their drama?

 

It began with an email I received from an acquaintance who had gotten caught up in a series of poor choices, followed by some fairly unpleasant consequences. They were angry that I wouldn’t let them off the hook. They expected me to give in. They demanded I show them grace.

 

Didn’t they know the difficult road I have walked to conquer my fears, heal my wounds, and develop the ability to even have a boundary, much less enforce one?

 

I do understand. We all at some point want, perhaps even expect someone else to let us off the hook from honoring our word or our responsibilities. I have been there. Even this week as I realized how over-scheduled I was, I wanted to bail on something, anything, that would give me a little more downtime, a little more breathing room. I recognized that I had not done a good job at drawing boundaries and I was left to pay the price. I was over-leveraged and severely under-nurtured. I wanted to be let out of honoring my word.  I wanted someone else to solve my problem.

 

We grow myopic in our perspective, we believe our situation is ‘special,’ and we are all left battered and bruised by the disappointed expectations we have from just about everyone in our lives. When is our word our word? When do we shine Christ by allowing those in our world to see that we honor our commitments, we follow-through, we are trustworthy?

 

We honor our commitments, even when it is difficult, expensive, or inconvenient. Michael Hyatt

 

Our faith and our character grow as we look to God to rescue us in our mess, not look to others to rescue us from our mess. God does allow others to be a part of our healing story, yet God should be at the center of our healing story. Grace is never demanded, only freely given, when God prompts.

 

[clickToTweet tweet="We should look to God to #rescue us in our mess, not look to others to rescue us from our mess." quote="We should look to God to rescue us in our mess, not look to others to rescue us from our mess."]

 

[clickToTweet tweet="Others can be a part of our #healing story, yet #God should be at the center of our healing story. " quote="Others can be a part of our healing story, yet God should be at the center of our healing story. "]

 

Instead we think to ourselves…

 

Surely, she’ll understand…

 

But my situation is different…

 

If she was more Christ-like, she would…

 

These are lies, all lies we tell ourselves to keep us believing that we are the victims and that other people are ruthless tyrants, holding us back or keeping us down. In truth, we are not victims, as I’ve come to recognize on my own broken, uneven journey.

 

No one is responsible for our poor choices but us. No one is evil or selfish for maintaining their boundaries. Really.

 

We are destroying the power of our testimony at the hands of our selfishness. We are clamoring, scurrying, demanding our agenda be served, our need be honored, and in the process we’re losing our strength, our relationships, and our witness. Scripture describes this in both the Old and New Testaments, powerfully saying,

 

If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. Numbers 30:2, ESV

 

But whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him. 1 John 2:5, ESV

 

What you gain from not honoring your word in the short-term is miniscule compared with what you will lose in your character and reputation. A house divided against itself cannot stand.   When we lose sight of the larger picture, the incongruity of our words and actions will destroy our foundation as well as any kingdom work we might undertake. Here are some other options we can all consider whenever we feel backed into a corner:

 

Look within to find the answers to our problems.

 

We need to memorize the words in Psalm 46:1 that say, God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Someone else cannot be the answer to our problems. Only God can be our refuge, our covering, our strength. Only He can hold us and sustain us, giving us understanding, wisdom and direction in the midst of our circumstances. We diminish God’s power and our own resilience when we depend solely on external means to resolve our problems. God has a miracle for you. It just might not come in the form you expect or perhaps demand.

 

Spend more energy in learning from our mistakes rather than trying to get out of them.

 

Sometimes we make choices born of emotion, impulsive reactions, honest means. When these choices bring untimely or unfortunate consequences, God allows the consequences as a natural expression of His love. He often uses the circumstances in our lives to teach us, to impart wisdom, and to mature us for our future steps in life.  He has called each of us for a purpose. He needs to grow us and prepare us for whatever lies ahead.  The only tragic mistake is the wasted mistake.

 

[clickToTweet tweet="The only tragic mistake is the wasted mistake. #PeaceforaLifetime" quote="The only tragic mistake is the wasted mistake."]

 

Look outside of our perspective to see someone else’s perspective.

 

Because someone is not able to give us what we want doesn’t mean they are wrong, unloving, or un-Christlike. There is another side, another perspective. We all are naturally attuned to our unique viewpoint, yet we limit our growth when we fail to acknowledge or understand another person’s perspective or boundaries. Look beyond your thoughts, feelings, wants and needs, to show respect and consideration for the thoughts, feelings, wants and needs of someone else.

 

Show respect for other’s boundaries.

 

Yes, other people have boundaries, too. Boundaries are not just meant to keep us safe, they are meant to help others take care of themselves as well. Being a Christian does not mean being a doormat. Being a Christian means that we listen to the Holy Spirit inside of us and learn to honor His leading.   It means we learn to develop and enforce healthy boundaries for ourselves in order to more wisely and powerfully invest ourselves in the work to which God has called us. It means we are sensitive to knowing the situations where He wants us to participate, as well as situations where He has not called us to participate.

 

In my new book Peace For A Lifetime, I share more about the skills we need to cultivate a life of abundance and peace. Life doesn’t simply happen to us. We can develop new ways of living, not just for ourselves, but for the future of our children and our families.

 

If you’d like to learn more about the book, click here.

 

As we do these things – look within, learn from our mistakes, see another point of view, and show respect for other’s boundaries – we will be shining a great light of God’s glory, His love, His power from the testimony of His provision and handiwork in our lives. We will be living as the body was intended to live. We will be bearing much fruit. We will be living lives of abundance. We will experience indestructible peace.

 

 

Have you ever felt the sting of someone else’s defenses? Ever been battered because of your boundaries?

I’d love to hear your comments.

 

 

 

About Lisa

 

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My hope is to provide a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I now live just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN with my husband and Shih-tzu, Sophie.

 

 

About Peace for a Lifetime

 

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I have discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

 

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

I’d love to connect on Facebook: Lisa Murray, author

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Blessings, 

Lisa

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Three Ways To Maximize Peace In Your Relationships

How to stop enabling and start loving well 

A friend posted a quote on Facebook the other day. It said, We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please. @lysaterkerust

 

How true, I thought instantly.

 

We struggle to know how to love, when to love, where to love. We grapple to acknowledge when our love isn’t loving, when it is nothing short of enabling.

 

We all have those relationships. We each have people in our lives who somehow expand their level of taking while never getting around to giving, who always seem to be in a crisis, and who never want to listen to advice.

 

The cajole us. They blame us. They manipulate us interminably because we are afraid to say no— afraid of the anger, afraid of the disappointment, perhaps we’re afraid of the punishment to come and most certainly, we’re afraid of being rejected.

 

We desperately want things to be different. We had so many hopes and dreams for what our lives with family and friends would look like. We never envisioned this.

 

Enabling has become such a catchphrase in our culture. Though in a positive sense enabling can be used to denote empowerment, in a negative sense, according to Wikepedia:

 

“Enabling can describe dysfunctional behavior approaches that are intended to help resolve a specific problem but in fact may perpetuate or exacerbate the problem. A common theme of enabling in this latter sense is that third parties take responsibility or blame, or make accommodations for a person's harmful conduct (often with the best of intentions, or from fear or insecurity which inhibits action). The practical effect is that the person himself or herself does not have to do so, and is shielded from awareness of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure to change. Enabling in this sense is a major environmental cause of addiction.”

 

We have become a nation of enablers. As parents, we stand between our children and the consequences of their actions because we feel it defines our love as better, or stronger, for our children. We believe that rescuing is helping. Desperately needing to feel loved ourselves, and having placed our children on the altar of our emotional needs, we are immobilized from saying or doing anything that might threaten their love for us.

 

As friends and family, we try to be helpful, loving. We always tell ourselves, this will be the last time, knowing full well somewhere in the back quarter of our minds that it won’t be. We tell ourselves, that’s what good parents do for their children, that’s what friends do for each other, that’s what being a good Christian means.

 

We need them to love us because many of us do not know how to love ourselves. We use their love as a surrogate love that was never meant to fill the hole inside of us, the place where God’s love and our love was meant to fill.

 

What do we do? How do we determine where we end and another begins? How do we begin to forge healthy boundaries so that we can actually love others, without enabling them?

 

Assess whether your efforts to help have helped.

 

Have your acts of love led to any real, consistent behavioral change? Is this the fifth time your child has totaled the family car? Has the money you’ve given a loved one really gotten them out of a crisis and put them back up on the road toward health and stability? Have you ever been repaid?

 

If what we want is behavioral change, if we want our friends and our children to make better choices, are they? If not, chances are that your love and your help have not been loving or helpful.

 

The first step towards behavioral change is sincerely owning responsibility for one’s life and having a heart change. Owning responsibility never blames, never rationalizes, and is not angry. Owning responsibility is simply that. It is heartfelt and is followed by repentance. Repentance is defined as, turning from sin and dedicating oneself to the amendment of one's life; to feel regret or contrition; to change one’s mind.

 

You can always tell when there is heart change. Heart change is always followed by behavioral change. Apologies, rationalizations, blame, threats rarely lead to life change.

 

Determine what boundaries are needed for you to stop enabling your loved ones.

 

Do you need to stop rescuing your children? Do you need to stop giving money, room and board, or transportation when it only seems to perpetuate the insanity, and continue the dysfunctional cycle? Do our loved ones need to face the consequences of their choices? Do our friends and family members need to find the answers to their problems themselves instead of looking to you to be the answer to their problems?

 

What do you need to do or better yet, stop doing, to lovingly allow your loved ones to come face to face with themselves and God in order to determine the path they will pursue on their journeys. Love them. Give them the gift of facing the results of their choices, their hearts, their lives, and having the opportunity to build a life that’s radically different.

 

Learn the most loving word, “No.”

 

Whatever emotions surface inside of you as a result of saying “no” are your responsibility. Don’t place them on someone else. Lean in. Listen.

 

If you’ve never learned how to love yourself and continue the enabling in an effort to find and feel love, even for a fleeting and perhaps, destructive moment, you can begin today. Learn how to experience God’s love for you. Learn how to give the gift of love to yourself. You are beloved. You are worthy. You are enough. It is never someone else’s job to give that to you. It is your job. Open yourself to the love that is waiting for you.

 

When your friend or loved one asks something of you that you know you should not do, calmly, respectfully say “no.” Free them. Free yourself. Focus on the things you can do. You can pray. Perhaps you can offer suggestions, if they are requested. Freedom allows everyone to determine how they want to engage their lives, how they want to move forward with clarity into their future.

 

Just because someone has a problem doesn’t mean that it is your problem. Love sees the long-term game and is willing to sacrifice short-term pay-offs to ensure the potential of future success.

 

  • Assess whether your efforts to help have helped.
  • Determine what boundaries are needed to stop enabling your loved ones.
  • Learn to use the most loving word, “No.”

 

You will find freedom in your heart and mind. You will find abundance in your relationships. You will find peace.

 

My new book Peace for a Lifetime speaks to the heart of relationships and teaches us how we can build Emotional Abundance into our lives so our relationships can flourish. If your relationships seem filled with heartache, chaos, and disappointment, if you are lost wondering what to do next, this book will outline simple, practical ways you can cultivate healthy, stable relationships that will maximize the peace in your life.

 

To order your copy, click here!

 

 

What is the relationship that is hardest for you to draw healthy boundaries? Leave your comment below. I’d love us to learn and grow with each other.

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Why We Are the Most Influential Person In Our Relationships

 Somehow we may think, Donald Trump may be the most influential person in his relationships, but certainly we could never be the most influential person in our relationships.

 

We can come up with all the reasons why we could never be that influential —our past, our failures, our weaknesses, our fears. Surely the people around us with whom we are in relationship, they would certainly be more influential than us. Right?

 

Wrong. We are the most influential person in our relationships because we are the only people we are capable of changing or influencing.

 

Our ability to create a life of Emotional Abundance and peace is almost entirely up to us. When we commit to seek God and His healing, we will find both. Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV) states, You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. The Emotional Abundance we experience as a result will overflow and impact all of our relationships.

 

If you’ve ever felt helpless or hopeless in your relationships, God has so much more in store for you! He longs for you to know His peace in every relationship in your life.

 

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares why you are the most influential person in your relationships.

 

We all have tendencies toward certain defense mechanisms we learned early on to keep us safe or perhaps even to survive. Those defense mechanisms will destroy the fabric and beauty of any relationship. They will undermine the safety, respect, and trust that every relationship needs to thrive.

Once we become aware of our defenses, we are empowered to begin building new ways to engage in our relationships. We can keep ourselves safe no matter what. We can open ourselves to hear another’s experience, and we can open ourselves to sharing our experience. We can communicate calmly, clearly, and directly. We can lay aside our need to defend, our need to win at all costs, and even our need to change our partner. As we do, we will learn we can come into safe contact with others and enjoy the process of building relationship.

We are the key. We own responsibility for ourselves in our communication, our life, and our relationships. We cannot ask or require another person to take responsibility for our safety, happiness, or well-being. This is the essence of our work with ourselves and God. Our relationships are merely the canvas on which we get to practice and experiment.

We can never blame another for our lack of, whether a lack of safety, a lack of peace, or a lack of having our needs met. The responsibility for us ultimately lies with us. We are in charge of our safety, peace, even our needs. If something must come from another, we are in charge of using our voice to speak our thoughts, feelings, and needs in a healthy, respectful way.

We do not even need our partners or friends to be healthy in order for us to be healthy. Many people give up and say that they cannot use healthy communication if their partner doesn’t use healthy communication; that they cannot change unless their partner is willing to change.

If our health or emotional wellbeing is dependent upon what another person does or does not do, on what they promise to do or not to do, our emotional health is on shaky ground. The more I am able to shift my focus from someone else as the key to my peace, to me as the key to my peace, the more likely I am to find peace. The person over whom I have the greatest amount of control and influence is me.

 

What freeing news! Indeed, we are the most influential person in our relationships. Don’t buy into the notion that you could never change. You can. You will. He will —change your life from the inside out. That alone will influence ALL of your relationships.

 

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

 

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